英語搞笑笑話11則
下面是本站小編整理的英語搞笑笑話6則，歡迎大家閲讀!
英語搞笑笑話：
人們什麼時候説話最少?
Teacher: What is the plural of man,Tom?
老師: 湯姆，“男人”這個詞的複數形式是什麼?
Tom: Men.
湯姆:男人們。
Teacher: Good. And the plural of child?
老師: 答得好。那“孩子”的複數形式呢?
Tom : Twins.
湯姆: 雙胞胎。
英語搞笑笑話：Boss's idea
When my printer's type began to go faint, I called a repair shop where a friendly man told me that the printer probably needed only to be cleaned.
Because the shop charged 50 pounds for such cleanings, he told me, it would be better for me to read the printer's directions and try the job myself.
Pleasantly surprised by his words, I asked, "Does your boss know that you discourage business?"
"Actually it's my boss's idea," the employee replied. "We usually make more money on repairs if we let people try to repair things themselves first."
由於我的打印機不能打印出清晰的字來，我就打電話給維修部。電話是一位非常和藹的男人接的，他説我的打印機也許只是需要清理一下。
他還説，如果讓維修部清理的話要交50英鎊的清理費，讓我最好看看使用手冊自己試着清理。
當時我真的被他的話感動了，就問他：“你們老闆知道你這樣拒絕生意麼?”
“事實上，這就是我們老闆的主意，”僱員答道：“因為如果我們讓用户先自行修理打印機的話就能掙更多的錢。”
英語搞笑笑話：Good news or Bad news?
An artist was part of an exhibition, and he asked the gallery owner if there had been any interest in his paintings that were currently on display.
"I've got good news and bad news," the owner replied.
"Give me the good news first," the artist demanded.
"The good news is that a gentleman inquired about your work and wondered if it would appreciate in value after your death. When I told him it would, he bought all 15 of your paintings."
"That's wonderful!" the artist exclaimed, "What could the bad news possibly be?"
With concern, the gallery owner replied, "The gentleman in question was your doctor."
以為藝術家在一個畫廊辦了個展覽，他問店主是否有人對他參展的畫感興趣。
“我有一個好消息和一個壞消息。”店主回答。
“先告訴我好消息。”畫家要求道。
“好消息是一位紳士詢問了你的作品，還問它是否會在你死後增。我告訴他會的，然後他買下了你所有的15幅畫作。”
“那太棒了!”畫家驚歎。“那麼什麼會是壞消息呢?”
店主想了想之後説：“問那個問題的是你的醫生”。
英語搞笑笑話：有效
Tom had this problem of getting up late in the morning and was always late for work. His boss was mad at him and threatened to fire him if he didn't do something about it. So Tom went to his doctor, the doctor gave him a pill and told him to take it before he went to bed. Tom slept well, and in fact, beat the alarm in the morning. He had a leisurely breakfast and drove cheerfully to work. "Boss", he said, "The pill actually worked!" "That's all fine" said the boss, "But where were you yesterday?"
湯姆早上老起不來，所以上班總是遲到。他的老闆非常生氣，警告他如果他不能有所改善的話就炒他的魷魚。於是，湯姆去看醫生，醫生給了他一顆藥丸並告訴他要在睡覺前服下這顆藥。湯姆照醫生的話做了，睡得非常之好，事實上，他在早上鬧鐘響之前就起來了。湯姆從容不迫地吃完早餐，然後興高采烈地開車上班去了。 “老闆”，湯姆説，“那藥真管用，我的睡眠好極了!” “是夠管用的，”老闆説，“問題是，昨天你人哪去了”?
英語搞笑笑話：兩塊蛋糕
Two Pieces of Cake
Tom: Mom, can I have two pieces of cake, please?
Mom: Certainly -- take this piece and cut it two!
兩塊蛋糕
湯姆：媽媽，我可以吃兩塊蛋糕嗎?
媽媽：當然可以----拿這塊蛋糕把它切成兩塊吧!
英語搞笑笑話：離婚
A husband and wife,both 91,stood before a judge,asking for a divorce."I don't understand,"He said,"Why do you want a divorce at this time of life?"
the husband explained "Well , you see,We wanted to wait until the children died."
有一個丈夫和妻子都是91歲，他們站在法官面前，要求離婚。“我不明白，”法官説，“你們為什麼到了這把年紀還要離婚?”
丈夫解釋道：“嗯，你是知道的，我們以前是喲等到孩子們都死了。”
A maintenance man in a cemetery
He is really somebody My uncle has 1000 men under him. He is really somebody. What does he do? A maintenance man in a cemetery.
他真是一個大人物，我叔叔下面有1000個人。他真是一個大人物。幹什麼的?墓地守墓人。
英語搞笑笑話：Five Hundred Times
In the traffic court of a large mid-western city, a young lady was brought before the judge to answer a ticket given her for driving through a red light. She explained to his honor that she was a school teacher and requested an immediate disposal of her case in order that she might hasten on to her classes. A wild gleam came into the judge's eye. "You are a school teacher, eh?" said he. "Madam, I shall realize my lifelong ambition. Sit down at that table and write 'I went through a red light' five hundred times."
在中西部一個大城市的交通法庭裏，一位年輕女士被帶到法官面前，她由於開車闖紅燈被開了罰單。女士向法官解釋，她是一名學校老師，請求法官馬上處理她的案子，以便可以趕回去上課。法官眼中閃過一絲狡黠，説道：“你是學校的老師，對嗎?女士，我馬上要實現我畢生的願望了。在那張桌子旁坐下，寫‘我開車闖了紅燈’500遍。”
英語搞笑笑話：Who Should be Given the Present
A father of five came home with a toy, summoned his children and asked which one of them should be given the present, “Who is the most obedient, never talks back to mother and does everything he or she is told?” he inquired. There was silence and then a chorus of voices: “You play with it, Daddy!”
一個有五個孩子的父親帶着一件玩具回到家裏，把孩子們召集來問這件禮物應該給誰。“誰最聽話，從不和媽媽頂嘴，讓幹什麼就幹什麼?”他問道。大家都不吭聲。過了一會兒，孩子們異口同聲地説：“爸爸，您玩兒吧。”
英語搞笑笑話：年長者階層
During the doctor's periodic visit to my elderly mother, I told him that Mother would be celebrating her 98th birthday in few days. Delighted by the news, he bent down and gave her a kiss for the occasion. He then announced that he, too, would be celebrating a birthday in few days and asked for a kiss in he left, my mother shook her head in disgust. "Can you imagine, " she said. "Seventy dollars and I had to kiss him too!醫生按期來探視我的老母。我告訴他母親不幾天就要慶祝她98歲的生日了。醫生聽了也很高興，為此，他彎下腰來親了她一下。然後他説不幾天他也要慶祝自己的生日，並要求她還他一個吻。醫生走後，我母親厭惡地搖搖頭。“你能想象嗎，”她説，“付了他70元，我還得親他!”
英語搞笑笑話：沒把頭髮全剪掉啊
Miles sometime went to the barber's during working hours to have his hair cut. But this was against the office rules: clerks had to have their hair cut in their own time. While Miles was at the barber's one day, the manager of the office came in by chance to have his own hair cut and sat just beside him."Hello, Miles," the manager said. "I see that you are having your hair cut in office time.""Yes, sir, I am," admitted Miles calmly. "You see, sir, it grows in office time.""Not all of it," said the manager at once. "Some of it grows in your own time.""Yes, sir, that's quite true." Answered Miles politely, "but I'm not having it all cut off."麥爾斯有時在上班時間去理髮館理髮，但這是違反辦公室規定的：職員只能利用自己的時間理髮。一天，正當麥爾斯理髮時，經理碰巧也進來理髮，而且就坐在他旁邊。“你好，麥爾斯，”經理説。“我看到你在上班時間理髮了。”“是的，先生。正是這樣。”麥爾斯平靜地承認了。可先生，你看，頭髮是在上班時間長的。“不全都是吧，”經理立刻説，“有一些是在你自己的時間裏長的。”“對呀，先生，你説得很對。”麥爾斯禮貌地回答説，“但我並沒有把頭髮全都剪掉啊。”
英語搞笑笑話：誰是世界上第一個男人
A teacher said to her class:”Who was the first man?”“George Washington,”a little boy shouted promptly.
“How do you make out that George Washington was the first man?”asked the teacher，smiling indulgently.“Because,” said the little boy, “he was first in war, first in peace, and first in the hearts of his countrymen.”But at this point a larger boy held up his hand.“Well,”said the teacher to him, “who do you think was the first man?”
“I don’t know what his name was,”said the larger boy, “but I know it wasn’t George Washington, ma’am, because the history book says George Washington married a widow, so, of course, there must have been a man ahead of him.”
一個老師問她的學生：“誰是世界上第一個男人”一個小男孩立刻大聲説：“喬治.華盛頓。”老師帶着寵溺的笑容問這個男生：“你如何證明喬治華盛頓是世界上第一個男人呢。”這個男孩子説：“因為，他是第一個挑起戰爭，第一個主張和平，並且是第一個深得民心的人。”這時，有一個年齡稍大的男孩子舉起手來，老師問他，“你認為誰是世界第一個男人?”男孩回答説：“我不知道他的名字，但是我肯定他不是喬治華盛頓，因為歷史書上説，喬治華盛頓和一個寡婦結婚了，所以在他之前，當然還有一個男的啦。”
