開啓一段新戀情時,不得不提的那些話題

The early stages of a relationship are usually pretty blissful. You're getting to know each other, finding out your likes and dislikes, and even falling starry-eyed in love. But while you're in this dreamy phase, it pays to inquire about some potentially uncomfortable topics, relationship experts say.

戀情一開始的時候通常都是甜蜜的。你們越來越瞭解彼此，知道他/她的喜好和厭惡，甚至墜入了愛河。情感專家說，但當你處於這一夢幻階段時，問一些可能令人反感的話題是值得的。

"Asking questions is the base to establish trust, safety, and emotional security," says Marissa Nelson, relationship therapist and founder of Intimacy Moons Retreats. "I can't tell you how many times I've worked with couples who point to the beginning of their relationship as a time when one partner wasn't forthright about something or didn't tell the truth."

"問問題是你們建立信任、安全感和情感安全的基礎，"情感治療師、Intimacy Moons Retreats的創始人瑪麗莎·尼爾森說道。"我的很多客戶都是這樣，他們指出他們的關係從一開始就不直接，或者雙方沒有說出實話。"

What you ask is important-and so is how you broach these subjects. Instead of interrogating or issuing ultimatums, "come from a place of curiosity, and use questions as a way to learn, share, and grow together," says Nelson. The answers your new partner offers can clue you in to whether you're compatible in a long-term way. Here's what you need to discuss, plus the right approach to get answers.

問什麼問題十分重要--如何提出這些問題也很重要。不要用質問或發出最後通牒那般的方式，"要出於好奇心，將問題視作學習、分享和共同成長的方式。"尼爾森說道。另一半給出的答案可以讓你瞭解你們是否會一直在一起。以下就是你們應該討論的問題，以及獲得答案的正確方法。

How they feel about past relationships

他們對過去的戀情是何感受

No, you're not bringing this up to snoop into your new partner's old love life. You want to hear how they describe their former flames and how things ended. This can let you know that those past love interests really are in the past. And you'll hopefully get their take on what these relationships taught him, as well as if he blames them or holds grudges.

不，提這個問題的時候不要搞得像是你在打探另一半以前的感情生活。你想知道他是如何描述前任、以及他們之間又是怎麼結束的。這些能讓你知道以前的戀人終究是過去了。也許他會說這些戀情教會了他一些東西，也許他會抱怨前任、對她們懷恨在心。

If they've been tested for STIs

他們是否做過性傳播感染測試

Even if you've already jumped into bed together, ask your new partner about their sexual health history. "Discuss STIs and ask about the last time they were tested, their status, and if they've been sexual with anyone else since then," says Rachel Needle, a psychologist at the Center for Marital and Sexual Health of South Florida.

如果你們已經睡過了，那就問問另一半的性健康史。"聊聊性傳播感染，問他上一次測試是什麼時候、測試結果如何，以及自那以後有沒有和別人睡過，"南弗羅裏達婚姻與性健康中心的心理學家Rachel Needle說道。

If they say they've never been tested, you can say it's important to you to head to an MD, and you'll go with them if that makes it easier. If they strongly resist, they may have something to hide.

如果另一半說自己從未做過測試，那你可以說去一趟醫務室做個測試對你而言十分重要，如果你陪着他/她會讓他/她更舒服些，你會和他/她一起去。如果他們強烈反對，那他們可能有所隱瞞。