獲得甜蜜愛情的5個關鍵
1. Ask For Praise
Expecting you. partner to notice things without prompting is often very unfair and can lead to resentment. Keep the beast away by speaking up and bringing attention to things you’d like your partner to notice. If you’ve done something you’d like your partner to take notice of, say something! Got your hair did? Say something! Fixed the dining room table so it doesn’t teeter? Say something!
You did this instinctively when you were a child. Remember running up to a parent or guardian and asking them to look at a picture you’d colored or cape you’d made out of an expensive tablecloth? For most of us, the response was one of amazement (if a bit contrived) and vocal appreciation for our obvious talents.
You’re not so very different now. You still love to be praised when you’ve done well. Even if it’s something you should have done earlier in the week or missed a detail on. How to get that praise? Ask for it and agree to give it when your partner asks you for some appreciation. You know not to crush a child’s spirit by ignoring their efforts to impress you. Are you as smart about your partner?
1.請求表揚
在無提示下期望你的情人注意到某些事，通常非常不公平也容易導致不滿。遠離這種討厭的事，坦率地講明白你希望你的情人注意到某些事。如果你已經做完了你希望對方注意的事，說出來！你做了頭髮？說出來！修理了餐廳的桌子使它不再搖晃？說出來！
當還是個小孩的時候你會本能地這麼去做。還記得你跑到父母或監護人面前要他們看看你塗上了顏色的一副畫或者用一張昂貴地桌布做成了披肩嗎?對我們大多數人來說，對我們顯地才華，這種反應是驚奇（如果有一點小發明）和大聲讚揚中的一種。
如今你也沒有多大的不同。當你幹好某事後你仍然想被表揚。就算是那些你本來這周應該早就完成的或是錯過了細節的事。怎麼去獲得讚揚？去請求表揚並同意當你的情人需要時你也給出讚揚。你知道不能因忽略孩子們爲了給你留下印象而做出的努力打擊他的心靈。你是否像你父母那樣聰明？
2. In Everything, Give Thanks
Say “Thank You” and make an effort to regularly demonstrate your genuine gratefulness for all your partner does for you. There are going to be times when this will seem an impossible chore. Perhaps you’ll be furious with your partner over something or other and they’ll point out something they did, hoping for praise. How will you respond? Will you offer your praise and thanks then deal with your anger separately? Or will you close up like a shell and torture your partner with inconsolable silence?
You care about making your relationship work so I expect you’ll swallow your momentary pride and say thank you. After all, your partner deserves at least the same courtesy you’d give to a complete stranger. When you cannot be gracious, be polite. Make a habit of offering thanks to your partner, even for the tiniest of things, and a sapling of thankfulness will grow into something strong enough to support you both.
2. 對每件事，表示感謝
說“謝謝”並努力經常地表露你真誠地感謝情人爲你做的所有。需要時間來講這些變成一種不煩悶的事。也許你會因爲某事對你的情人或其他人暴怒，他們會指出他們做了的某事，希望被讚揚。你會如何反應？你會表示你的讚賞和感謝然後獨自處理你憤怒的情緒？或者你會像個貝殼那樣關閉自己用極度沮喪的沉默折磨你的情人？
你擔心你的感情生活所以我希望你能收起你短暫的驕傲然後表達出感謝。畢竟，你的愛人應該得到至少你對一個完全陌生人表達出的禮貌。當你無法做到親切時，至少保持禮貌。養成對愛人表達感謝的習慣，即使對最微小的事，一句感謝的幼苗會成長爲強壯地足夠支持你們兩人的大樹。
3. Schedule Time For Each Other
If you were worried about killing spontaneous romance by scheduling time with your partner, you wouldn’t be reading this. For the rest of us with busy lives and hectic schedules, an exhausting Wednesday is easier to handle knowing that Thursday at 6pm we get a few hours with our best friend.
All that’s left is to actually be present with your partner during the focused time you have together. This, according to all voices heard in my less-than-scientific survey, is one of the hardest parts of any long-term relationship.
Dinner with kids at the table doesn’t count as real presence. Sitting on the couch while you both have laptops running in front of you doesn’t count either. In fact, most of the things we do as couples fall into the realm of proximity instead of true presence. A simple test (thanks, Debbie!) is to see if you need to get your partner’s attention before talking for them to hear what you say. If you do, they weren’t really there to begin with.
You’ll be tempted to use your regular time together as the time for you to angrily vent and argue. Don’t do it! This is your time to catch up with the person you love. If you can’t think of something wondrous and warm to say, chew on silence and just be. There’s something about focused presence with a loved one that helps troubles sink away just a bit. Make the most of your time together!
3、爲對方排出時間
如果你擔心和你的愛人安排時間相處會扼殺隨意地浪漫，你不會閱讀這些。對剩下過着匆忙生活和繁忙行程的我們來說，一個精疲力盡的週三更容易掌控知道週四晚上6點我們會有一些時間與最好的朋友相處。
現在剩下的是實際與愛人在重點時間內共同度過的時間。根據我的不能稱爲科學的調查中的聲音，這些，是所有長久愛情關係中最難的一部分。
與孩子在飯桌前吃晚飯不能算作真正的共處，你們一起坐在沙發上使用着筆記本電腦也不算真正的共處。事實上，大多數我們以情侶身份做的事掉進了以“接近”取代“真正”共處的範圍。一個簡單的測試（謝謝Debbie!)是，在對他們談話前看看是否你需要去引起愛人注意去傾聽你說的是什麼。如果你需要的話，他們不是真的準備好 了。
你會被誘惑去使用經常一起的時間去發泄憤怒和爭吵。不要這麼做！這是你用來迷住你愛的那個人的時間。如果你不能想到出色的、熱情的話去說，就僅僅仔細考慮。儘可能多的共處！
4. Agree On How To Argue
Sometime when you’re not even a little angry with each other, sit down and talk about how you fight. Then lay down some rules you both agree to follow during future arguments.
Mary, a 74 year-old mother of four and widow of two shared three of her rules:
Nobody leaves during an argument without saying where they’re going.
Arguments that last longer than 3 days are obviously stupid and will not be allowed to continue.
An argument will never mean that the relationship itself is in question.
Mary’s final rule resonated with me because that’s something I work very hard to do in my own relationships. One of the most difficult but smartest things to say during an argument is, “I love you but I’m so pissed at you about/for/because [insert argument here].” Keeping the argument separate from the relationship status is key to getting things back on track. You could call it a shortcut through very dark woods.
4. 商定如何爭吵
有時候當你對對方很生氣時，坐下然後談論怎麼爭論。然後列出一些你們都同意的規則供將來吵架時遵守。
Mary，一位擁有4個孩子的媽媽，兩次喪偶。她分享給大家三條規則：
· 吵架時，在不說清楚到底該怎麼辦之前，沒人會離開。
· 吵架吵過三天是明顯的愚蠢，這是不能被准許繼續吵的。
· 一次吵架永遠不代表這段關係它本身有問題。
Mary的最後一條規則和我產生共鳴，因爲這是我在自己的愛情關係中所努力去做的。爭吵中一個最難也是最聰明的做法是說：“我愛你，但是我對你很生氣關於/因爲/......(爭論內容)”。讓爭吵與愛情關係相分離的狀態是使一切回到正軌的關鍵。你可以稱它爲走出迷路森林的捷徑。
5. Say You’re Sorry Every Day
Apologizing is a lot like learning a foreign language. The more you practice it in real-life situations, the better you become at it.
If you don’t do something worth saying sorry for every day, you’re either an angel or completely blind to your own inadequacy. You need not commit some great damage against your partner before saying you’re sorry. Just be yourself. In the course of being yourself you’ll say something without thinking, forget to pick up something from the store, or complain about your day without asking about your partner’s. You’re a master at making mistakes! =)
The more you ask for forgiveness, the easier it will be to admit to and gain forgiveness for all the things you do that might drive your partner away if not taken care of. Its never easy to swallow your pride and admit to screwing something up. But you need to do this and make a habit of it if you want to make your relationship the best it can possibly be.
5. 每天說你抱歉
道歉很像學一門外語。在真實生活中你越加練習，你說得越好。
如果你每天並沒有做什麼值得道歉的事，你要麼是天使要麼是完全盲視自己的不足。在說對不起之前，你不需要做巨大地傷害愛人的事。只是做你自己。在做你自己的過程中，你會不經過思考說一些話，忘記在商店買一些東西，或者不問愛人過得如何只是抱怨你的今天過得糟糕。你是生產錯誤的主人！
你越請求原諒，越容易承認你做的所有事都會獲得原諒，如果不小心的話，這很容易讓的愛人離開。放下你的驕傲和承認把某件事弄遭了並不是件容易的事。如果你想盡可能地經營好你的愛情，你需要這麼去做，並且養成習慣。
