簡單英語小笑話12篇閱讀

學習英語，閱讀真的很重要，多閱讀一些簡單的英語笑話也是提高英語閱讀能力的一種，下面本站小編在這裏整理了簡單英語小笑話12篇，希望大家會喜歡這些英語笑話!

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Mike was late for school. He said to his teacher, Mr. Black, "Excuse me for my coming late, sir. I watched a football match in my dream."

"Why did it make you late?" inquired the teacher.

"Because neither team could win the game, so it lasted a long time." replied Mike.

麥克上學遲到了。他對布萊克老師說：“對不起，老師，今天早上我遲到了。因爲我在夢裏觀看了一場球賽。”

“爲什麼它會讓你遲到呢?”老師問道。

“因爲這兩個隊都沒有能力獲勝，所以就持續的時間長了。”麥克回答說。

One day a little girl came home from school, and said to her mother, Mommy, today in school I was punished for something that I didn't do.

The mother exclaimed, But that's terrible! I'm going to have a talk with your teacher about this! By the way, what was it that you didn't do?

The little girl replied, My homework.

一天，小女孩從學校回到家裏，對媽媽說：媽媽，今天在學校裏我因爲一件我沒有做的事情而受到懲罰。

媽媽激動地說：那真是太可怕了!我要跟你的老師好好談一談，對了，你沒有做過的那件事是什麼?

小女孩回答說：我的家庭作業。

When they're together, my five-year-old son and his cousin tend to cause mayhem. one Saturday, I put my foot down. "All right, you two," I said sternly. "No screaming , grabbing, whining, hitting, teasing, tattling, breaking toys, scratching or fighting."

As I turned to leave, I heard my son say, "C'mon, Steven, let's get dirty . "

我五歲的兒子和他的表弟在一起的時候，總要招來大亂。一個星期六，我開始抗議了。“好啦，你們兩個，”我嚴厲地說，“不許叫喊，不許亂拿，不許哭鬧，不許亂敲，不許取笑，不許扯淡，不許弄壞玩具，不許亂抓，不許打架。” 我剛轉身要走，就聽我兒子說：“來，斯蒂文，我們來把自己弄髒吧。”

Reggie: We have got a new dog. Would you like to come around and play with him?

Ron: Well, I don't know---does he bite?

Reggie: That's what I want to find out.

裏基：我們又得到了一條新狗，你願意過來和他玩一會嗎?

羅恩：嗯，我不知道----它咬人嗎?

裏基：這正是我想要查明的。

Amos asked his mother whether they could have a video.

I’m afraid we can’t afford one, sighed his mother.

But on the following day in came Amos, staggering beneath the weight of a brand-new video.

How on earth did you pay for that? gasped his mother.

Easy, Mum. replied Amos, I sold the television!

艾莫斯問媽媽他們是否能買一臺錄像機。

恐怕我們還買不起，媽媽嘆息着說。

可第二天當艾莫斯回來時，他搖搖晃晃地搬着一臺全新的錄像機。

你究竟是哪兒來的錢買這東西?媽媽大吃一驚，喘着氣說。

媽媽，這簡單， 艾曼斯回答。我把電視機給賣了!

Having been married a long time, my husband sometimes needs a gentle reminder of a special occasion. On the morning of our 35th anniversary, we were sitting at the breakfast table when I hinted, "Honey, do you realize that we've been sitting in these same two seats for exactly 35 years?"

Putting down the newspaper, he looked straight at me and said, "So, you want to switch seats?"

婚後已久，我丈夫往往在一個特別事情上需要委婉的提醒。在我們結婚35週年紀念的早上，我們正坐在早餐桌旁，我暗示道：“親愛的，你意識到我們在這兩個相同的座位上已坐了整整35年了嗎?”

他放下報紙，眼睛直直地望着我：“因此，你想交換座位嗎?”

Tom: Mom, can I have two pieces of cake, please?

Mom: Certainly -- take this piece and cut it two!

湯姆：媽媽，我可以吃兩塊蛋糕嗎?

媽媽：當然可以----拿這塊蛋糕把它切成兩塊吧

Little brother: I saw you kiss my elder sister, and if you don't give me a nickel I'll tell my er's boyfriend: No, don't do that. Here's a le brother: That makes a buck and a quarter I've made this month.

弟弟：我看見你親我姐姐了，如果你不給我五分錢，我就告訴我爸。姐姐的男朋友：不要那樣做。給你五分錢。弟弟：我這個月已經賺了一塊兩毛五了。

Professor: When is your birthday?

Kid: May 30.

Professor: Which year?

Kid: Every year.

教授：你的生日是什麼時候?

孩子：5月30日。

教授：哪一年?

孩子：每年都是。

A bunch of great, DEAD scientists were playing hide-and-seek in heaven. When it's Einstein's turn to be the seeker, he counted untill 100 and opened his eyes. All the others were hide, but only Newton were still standing there.

一羣偉大的科學家去世後在天堂裏玩藏貓貓。輪到愛因斯坦抓人，他數到100睜開眼睛，看到所有的人都藏起來了，只有牛頓還站在那裏。

Teacher: "John, what is the past participle of the verb to ring?"

John: "What do you think it is, sir?"

Teacher: "I don't think, I KNOW!"

John: "I don't think I know either, sir!"

老師：“John，動詞ring的過去分詞是什麼?”。

約翰：“你想它是什麼呢”?

老師：“我不用想，我知道!”。

約翰：“我想我不知道”。

An artist was part of an exhibition, and he asked the gallery owner if there had been any interest in his paintings that were currently on display.

"I've got good news and bad news," the owner replied.

"Give me the good news first," the artist demanded.

"The good news is that a gentleman inquired about your work and wondered if it would appreciate in value after your death. When I told him it would, he bought all 15 of your paintings."

"That's wonderful!" the artist exclaimed, "What could the bad news possibly be?"

With concern, the gallery owner replied, "The gentleman in question was your doctor."以爲藝術家在一個畫廊辦了個展覽，他問店主是否有人對他參展的畫感興趣。

“我有一個好消息和一個壞消息。”店主回答。

“先告訴我好消息。”畫家要求道。

“好消息是一位紳士詢問了你的作品，還問它是否會在你死後增。我告訴他會的，然後他買下了你所有的15幅畫作。”

“那太棒了!”畫家驚歎。“那麼什麼會是壞消息呢?”

店主想了想之後說：“問那個問題的是你的醫生”。

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