輕鬆趣味英語笑話

“哪裏有人,哪裏就有笑聲。”從古到今,笑話是人們生活中不可缺少的“調劑品”。笑話使人們在刻板的生活中感到一絲快意和放鬆，在人們的日常生活中起着重要調劑作用。下面本站小編爲大家帶來輕鬆趣味英語笑話，歡迎大家閱讀!

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John had waited for months to get a divorce and now he was free from his domineering wife.

"Free at last!" he screamed, throwing his divorce papers into the air. "Now, I can eat when I want to, watch television when I want to."

Two months later John was found being escorted to jail by a police officer.

A shocked friend, on seeing poor John hand-cuffed, asked, "John, why are you under arrest? I thought your troubles were over when you divorced your wife."

"I couldn't pay my alimony," related John sadly.

"Why couldn't you pay your alimony?"

"My ex-wife has custody of the money and my business."

約翰等了好幾個月才離婚，現在他終於擺脫了他專橫的妻子。

“終於自由了。”他尖叫着，把離婚協議書拋到空中，“現在，我想吃就吃，想看電視就看電視。”

兩個月後，有人發現約翰被警官帶進了監獄。

一個朋友看見可憐的約翰戴着手銬，感到很震驚，問道：“約翰，你爲什麼被捕了?我以爲你和你妻子離婚了就沒什麼麻煩了。”

“我付不起我的贍養費。”約翰傷心地回答。

“你爲什麼付不起你的贍養費呢?”

“我前妻掌握了我的財產和生意啊。”

Abraham Lincoln, President of the United States, was not very handsome, and he knew.

One day, Lincoln was walking in the street when he was stopped by an ugly man. The man had apistol in his hand. He aimed at Lincoln's nose. Lincoln was very surprised, but he pretended to be calm. He asked the man, "What do you want, sir?"

"I have promised myself," said the man, "If I find a man who is uglier than I, I'll kill him."

Lincoln looked at the man's face carefully and said eagerly. "Please take aim at me, sir. If I was uglier than you, I would not want to live."

美國總統亞伯拉罕·林肯長得不算英俊，這他自己也知道。

一天，林肯正在街上散步，這時他突然被一個醜人攔住了。那個人手中拿着槍，瞄準林肯的鼻子。林肯非常驚訝，但是他假裝鎮靜自若。他問那個人：“先生，你想幹什麼?”

“我答應過自己，”那個人說，“如果我找到一個比我更醜的人，我就斃了他。”

林肯仔細端詳那個人的臉，急切地說，“請瞄準我吧，如果我比你更醜，我也不想活了。”

Sam was near the end of his long life. His children stood by the bed, and they were waiting to hear his last words.

Finally, he said, "My children, your mother and I have been married for more than 50 years-and she can cook wonderfully. Even now I smell bread baking. Sarah, be good and go and get me a piece."

In a few minutes Sarah was back in the room. "Sarah," her father asked. "Where's the bread I asked you to get?" Mama says you can't have any, it's for the funeral tomorrow."

山姆的生命即將走到盡頭，他的子女們都站在牀邊等着聽父親的遺言。

最後他開口說道：“孩子們，你們的母親和我結婚50多年了，他的烹飪手藝簡直棒極了。現在我還能聞到烤麪包的香味呢。薩拉，去給我拿一片吧。”

幾分鐘後，薩拉回到屋裏，“薩拉，” 父親問，“我讓你拿的麪包呢?”“媽媽說不能吃，這是爲明天的葬禮準備的。”