約會技巧:和女生約會一定要花錢嗎？

Shannon was on a date with a guy (we'll call him Sean) who had been chasing her for the better part of a decade. She finally caved into his advances and agreed to go on a casual date at a local bar. Shannon was not a fancy, prissy type. She played in an intramural softball league, preferred flip flops to high heels and owned a handicapped dog. But when he uttered the fatal words "So do you mind splitting the check?" she assumed one thing; he wasn't interested.
香農曾經遇到個一個男的，（暫且叫他肖恩）。這個肖恩苦追了香農很多年了，現在，香農終於答應肖恩，在當地一個酒店共享晚餐。香農不是個挑剔講究的女孩，喜歡壘球、相比高跟鞋更喜歡人字拖，還養着一條殘疾狗狗。但是，當飯後買單時，肖恩說出：“介不介意AA？”時，香農心理頓時覺得：“他原來不是很看重這次約會。”

Things fizzled between them and Shannon later learned Sean was interested, but he was flat broke. She was perplexed. If he was so low on cash, why didn't he take her somewhere less expensive? Or to a free art gallery? Or a movie in the park? Or a dive bar instead of the fancy wine bar he had picked out?
就是因爲最後的這一出，他倆的關係似乎沒什麼進展。香農事後才知道，其實不是肖恩不看重那次約會，而是他當時真沒什麼錢。然而，讓香農百思不解的是，既然都沒錢了，爲什麼不選個一般點的地方吃飯？或是去參觀免費的畫廊、或是去公園看場免費電影；或是就到個廉價小酒館也好。

In What Men Really Want: For Ladies To Pay On The Date Too, we learned that many men would like women to start paying their way when it comes to dating. But in all seriousness, what those men fail to realize is that most women are not out for a free ride. For Shannon, it wasn't about his money — it was about being courted.
男人也許在約會的時候也希望女性承擔自己那一部分開銷。我們知道有些男士是會在約會時要求女性承擔自己的開銷的，但是，嚴肅的講，男人根本不理解女人出來約會其實不是爲了佔小便宜，就香農的例子而言，香農在約會時不是在乎肖恩的錢多錢少，更在乎的是是否有被追求的感覺。

Yes, it's 2013, but in these days of texting instead of calling, late-night booty calls instead of dates, men disappearing and reappearing, it's nice to have a little old-fashioned romance. Women may have increased wealth and equality, but some things may never change. Gold diggers aside, most women don't care how much a man drops on a date. According to a study, 46 percent of women say it doesn't really matter how much a date spends on the evening, and 58 percent of women are not even looking for an expensive date. A whopping 75 percent of women do not want to eat dinner at a fancy restaurant.
是的，現在是2013年了，到了短信比電話重要，夜間的電話比白天的重要，男人去了又來的年頭。但是那些傳統的浪漫在這時不是更彌足珍貴嗎？在就當下，女人的社會價值和平等性和男人並無異，但是有些東西卻從未改變。當然，今天的話題和拜金女無關，我們說的是大多說女性並不在意男性在約會時花多少錢。根據做的調查，百分之46的女性認爲約會時的開銷並不重要，百分之58的女性不會刻意尋找有錢人約會，高達75的女性其實根本就不期望約會的時候在很貴的餐廳消費。

Historically courtship has revolved around "a man proving to a woman that he values her," says psychotherapist Tina B. Messina. In the days before women were CEOs and doctors, a woman would lose all of her wealth to her husband once she was married. So it was imperative that a man proved to both the woman and her family that he could take care of her. Hence a man paying and providing for a woman.
精神治療師蒂娜說過，有史以來，求偶都是圍繞着“男人如何向女人表達自己有多看重她”而開展的。在女人沒有資格和男人獲得同樣的社會地位的時代，女人一旦嫁人，就會失去的財富，所以，男人要用各種方法向讓女人和她的家人證明一旦女人嫁給他，會受到很好的照顧。這也是男人爲什麼爲女人買單的歷史原因。But now that it's 2013 and not 1952, where does that leave us? Many women, myself included, do not need a man's moula. The real problem is not that men are spending too much money on dates; it's that they're not dating wisely. In the age of online dating and the gaggle of choices out there, truer words were never said. Men waste money and energy dating the wrong people. "They don't have purpose or focus, and they go out with folks who possess dealbreakers — simply because they're not taking the dating process seriously." For these men, it's not about the money either. By datingonly people they're truly interested in and who have the same goals and desires, men can save time and energy.
但是現在已經是2013年了，而不是1952年。我們的傳統變了嗎？很多女人，包括我自己，並不予要男人養活。其實真正的問題時男人在約會時花了太多的錢，而在婚戀網上的選擇很多，有誠意的卻很少。“一些男人自己也沒定性，在網上也會那些沒有誠意長期交往的女孩——原因很簡單，他們自己都沒有將這次約會看得很重要。”對於這類男人，錢也許也不是問題。然而，和有想要着認真交往的女孩約會可以節約時間和精力。

Having dated online myself, I can certainly attest to that fact. Though I stated clearly on my profile that I was looking for a longterm relationship, there was no shortage of men who took me out with less than serious intentions. Men who go on date after date hoping that just one of them will "stick". It's not just men who do this; I've been guilty of it too. I've gone out with guys who possessed way too many of my dealbreakers — believed Top 40 was good music, didn't vote and owned cats — because I hoped that if I was more open-minded I might meet the right guy. It wasn't until I focused on quality not quantity that I met the right guy.
我自己也有網上交友的經歷，當我在我的個人介紹裏寫清楚了我要尋找的是長期伴侶時，任然有很多不是很嚴肅對待約會的男人來約我出去。很多男人覺一次又一次的約會總會有合適的出現，當然有這種想法的不僅僅是男人，我也曾經懺悔自己對約會的不嚴肅。我曾和許多不嚴肅對待約會的男人約會過。很多人都有共性——喜歡音樂、不參加選舉和養貓。我當時覺得，我也許更開放就有機會遇到我的白馬王子。 然而事實卻不是這樣的，我意識到質量比數量更重要。

On the flip side, I had a guy friend named Greg who signed up for an online dating profile but refused to actually message a single woman. Instead he would just wait until they noticed him lurking on their profile and message him; As you can imagine, his lazy methods got him nowhere. He went on a lot of crappy dates, could never understand why none of his dates worked out and complained that women are just interested money.

我有一個男性朋友叫格雷格，他在一個婚戀網上登了記，但是卻從來不主動找女會員，只是等別的女會員找他。你可以想象，他的懶人理論產生怎樣的結果，他有過很多次垃圾般的約會，他永遠都不明白他的約會爲什麼都沒有結果，還不停抱怨女人只對錢感興趣。

Men also forget all the time and money women spend pre-date; a new outfit, waxing, shaving, makeup and hair. Consider this: according to the survey by 65 percent of women spend 50 dollar or more on pre-date grooming and clothing, Don't want to spend money on the first date? I'm guessing many women would rather not spend the time or money shaving, putting on makeup, choosing an outfit and blow drying their hair. Not to mention teetering in high heels, donning crippling Spanx, and strapping on push up bras. But alas, most of us don't wake up looking runway-ready. Even though most guys claim not to notice all the things that women do to primp, I'm also guessing most men would be horrified to see a girl show up to a date with hairy legs, under-eye circles and a Brillo pad for hair like I have when I wake up..
男人也不知道，女人在準備約會前的開銷，新衣服、脫毛、化妝、做頭髮。根據調查，百分之65的女性花在約會前準備的錢高達50美元甚至更多。我想更多女性寧願不花錢和時間爲了一次約會去收拾打扮自己。更別說穿着搖搖晃晃的高跟鞋，讓人窒息的瘦身衣….哎，畢竟不是所有的女人都是天生麗質，儘管大多數男士會說，並沒有意識到女性的精心打扮，然而我卻想說，如果女人再跟男人約會時沒有刮腿毛，帶着黑眼圈，頭髮亂的跟剛睡醒似得，肯定大多數男人都會被嚇跑的。

If we're really talking about gender equality, then yes we should just split everything down the middle.. But dating isn't about gender equality. Dating is about that dance between two people. Flirting and courting and chivalry, no matter how old-fashioned, is a part of that.
從性別平等的角度上講，是的，我們應該男女各付一半。但是約會不是討論性別平等的時候，約會是兩個人的舞蹈，約會是應該有調情、奉承和紳士風度的部分，不管這樣的觀念有多守舊，都不應該改變。

From a financial standpoint, I'm far from needing or wanting a man to pay for my lifestyle. But I do want to be swept off my feet. I want doors opened. Bugs killed. Dragons slayed! Of all the things my boyfriend has done for me, the most memorable one was surprising me with balloons that had hidden notes in them. Expensive? No. Thoughtful and caring? Yes. And I saved every sticky note inside.
從財務上講，我不需要男人爲我的生活買單。但是我卻想感受到無微不至的體貼，感受到他能力所能及地爲我做所有的事。也許對我來講最大的驚喜就是看到氣球上寫着他的求愛語。貴嗎？一點都不，周到和體貼的他會讓我謹記氣球上的每句話。

I'm in no way suggesting that a woman doesn't start chipping in after the first 2-3 dates. In fact, when my boyfriend realized that he brought me to a cash-only restaurant with no cash on our second date, I forked out the money without batting an eyelash. The fact that I knew he was interested in more than an easy fling, he told me he liked me, texted me within 24 hours of our first date and had already asked me out for a third date, made it easy for me to pay.
我不建議女人在2到3次約會以後就將你的未來押在這個男人身上。然而，我的經歷也值得分享和參考。我和男朋友第一次約會時，他約我去了一家很貴的餐廳，當他意識到沒有錢再約我時，我想也沒想就把我的錢拿出來，因爲我知道他對我有意，他告訴我他喜歡我，約會後的24小時內發信息給我，計劃下一次約會。這些行爲讓我判斷出他的誠意，讓我更願意爲愛情買單。

Why? Because he was courting me.
爲什麼？因爲他的追求讓我很受用。