今天是我一生中最好的一天
I was sitting at the dinner table
我坐在餐桌邊
with my mother and step father
母親和繼父跟我坐在一起
discussing two different family drama situations
我們正討論着家裏發生過的兩個有趣的軼事
when my mom gasps
忽然，媽媽倒吸了一口氣
and her mouth is hanging wide open.
嘴巴張的大大的
She isn't speaking
她一句話也說不出來
so I go and look on her phone
我探身過去看她的手機
and it's a friend request on social website
原來是社交網上的一個好友申請
from my big sister
來自我的姐姐
who we both haven't spoken to in four years
我們已經跟姐姐斷絕往來四年了
when all of my sisters got pissed at my mom
那時我的姐姐們都對母親非常生氣
over lies about their childhood spread by their biological father.
因爲母親在她們的生父這件事上撒了謊
They abandoned me too
她們也拋棄了我
since I was still living with her.
因爲我和母親住在一起
I lean over
我靠過去
and hug my mom over the shoulders
抱住了母親的肩膀
and tuck my head in between her jaw and shoulder
把腦袋塞到她的下巴底下，肩膀上面的位置
as I myself start getting teary eyed.
自己也開始眼淚婆娑
She says
母親說
"I don't want to accept it right away
我不能現在就接受邀請
that would be weird"
那會看起來很奇怪
and as she finishes saying this
她剛說完這句話
messenger is ringing
發現手機響了
and it's my big sister calling.
是我姐姐打來的
They talked for over two hours
他們談了兩個多小時
and hearing my sister
能夠聽到姐姐的聲音
who I haven't seen or heard from in four years
——四年裏從沒見面，音訊全無的姐姐
and hearing my niece and nephew
聽到我侄子和侄女的聲音
who were one and three years old the last time I saw them
——上一次見面時一個才一歲，一個三歲
speaking words and full comprehendible sentences
如今他們已經開始說話，說出完整的，能讓人聽懂的句子
was the best thing ever.
這真是最棒的事情
The last time I saw them
上一次我看到他們
they were so little.
他們還那麼小
I tell my mom after the phone call is done
母親掛了電話之後，我對她說
that I'm going to wait for my sister to add me
我會等着姐姐來加我
and give her space.
給她一點空間
About thirty minutes later
大約三十分鐘後
the notification popped up on my phone.
我的手機上彈出了一則通知
She sent me a friend request.
她給我發送了好友申請
I needed this.
我需要它
I needed this more than I actually knew.
我對它的需要超過了自己所知
A question I have been pondering lately is
最近我一直在思考一個問題
how does one grieve the living?
人們爲什麼要爲還尚在的人緬懷感傷？
I missed my big sister.
我想念姐姐
I missed my niece and nephew.
我想念我的侄子侄女
I only met her 11 years ago
十一年前，我才第一次見到她
different dads, same moms, both remarried
同父異母，雙方的家長都已經再婚
but at the time she came into my life
但是，她出現在我生活裏的時候
I was in third grade
我才三年級
and I loved the fact that
我爲此由衷欣喜
I finally had a sister living with me,
因爲我終於有一個姐姐與我同住了
someone who I could hold onto
有人可以依靠
when I was scared,
當我害怕的時候
someone who would be there for me.
有人會陪在我身邊
I just never thought
只是我沒有想到
I would get to see her or hear from her again.
自己還能再見到她，聽到她的消息
I was scared that
曾經我十分害怕
when the time came for me to have a child
當我的孩子出生的時候
that they wouldn't ever meet their cousins.
他們不會見到自己的堂哥堂姐
I missed my big sister.
我想念我的姐姐
I missed her so much.
非常非常想念。
