我該不該將懶惰的已成年兒子踢出家門?大綱
My son is nearly 20. He is bright but lazy. All he does is mess around on his computer and chat to online friends. He did well in his GCSEs, despite doing zero work, and started a diploma but dropped out because of depression. He had some time off, restarted the course and dropped out again. He's done nothing since. I am at my wits' end.
我的兒子快20歲了，他很聰明，但也很懶。他只會在電腦上到處瀏覽、和網友聊天。儘管他不做功課，但他還是拿到了普通中等教育證書，而後開始攻讀學位卻因抑鬱而退學。休息一段時間之後，他重新開始上課，然後再度退學。自那以後，他什麼事都沒做。我已經無計可施了。
My dad thinks he's a waste of space and I should kick him out, but that seems harsh. He is polite and will help if I ask, but he has no motivation to do anything. If I try to talk to him about it, he digs his heels in and does less. His father and I split up when he was four; he's never had a dad in his life. I was single until five years ago, but that relationship has just ended.
我父親認爲他在家裏呆着也是浪費空間，讓我把他趕出去，但我覺得這樣太殘酷了。只要我要求，兒子還是會禮貌地幫忙的，但他不會主動做任何事。如果我試圖和他談論這個問題，他會變得十分頑固，更不做事。他4歲時，我和他父親分開了，所以他不曾有過父親。直到5年前我都一直處於單身狀態，但後來談的那段感情也無疾而終了。
At one stage my son was very depressed and talked about feeling hopeless. He had a few counselling sessions, but I don't think they helped. He seems fine now, but I worry that pushing him will cause him to spiral again. He lacks self-confidence and seems happy to exist in the microcosm of his bedroom. I know he needs to take responsibility for his life, but how hard should I work to make that happen?
在某一階段，兒子感到沮喪、絕望。他參加了幾場輔導諮詢，但我認爲並沒有什麼作用。現在，他看上去還不錯，但我擔心將他趕出去會讓他再度抑鬱。他缺乏自信，樂於宅在臥室的微型世界中。我知道他需要爲自己的人生負責，但我難以忍下心讓他走。
His two older sisters are not like him at all; both are independent and getting on with their lives. I worry that if anything happened to me, my son wouldn't have the skills to cope. Should I kick him out and give him some tough love, or let him grow up a bit?
與他不同的是，他的兩位姐姐都非常獨立、已經開始獨自生活。我擔心如若我遭遇不測，我的兒子是否能安然應對。我該不該將他趕出家門，對他嚴格要求，亦或是等他長大一點再說呢？
I loathe the term "tough love". Sure, it's tough loving people sometimes, through certain situations; but to me tough denotes something hard and unyielding, which isn't love at all. I think you are torn between what you want to do and what you feel others are saying you should do. You should ignore what your father is saying: that is not helpful at all. You know your son: what's your instinct telling you?
我討厭"愛之深責之切"一詞。當然，在某些情況下，愛別人很難，但於我而言，堅韌意味着堅強、不屈不撓，而這與愛無關啊。我覺得你深受折磨：究竟是做自己想做之事還是做他人覺得你應該做的事。你應該無視父親的話：因爲他的話根本沒有任何幫助。你瞭解你的兒子：所以聽從自己的直覺吧。
