戀愛關係中絕不該與他人分享的兩件事
Some stuff just really need to stay private, OK?
有些事還是不要外傳的好，行嗎？1) When One of You Cheats
1）你們中有一個出軌了Whether it was an emotional or physical affair (yes, there's a difference and yes, they're both considered infidelity), any acts that had you or your partner straying outside your relationship need to be kept quiet, says Firstein. It's common to want to vent to someone else — say, your mom or your best friend — but Firstein says that can irreparably damage their opinion of your partner. And while that may be NBD if the two of you decide to separate, if you want to make a comeback it'll be that much harder.
不管是精神出軌還是肉體出軌（是的，兩者存在差異，但都是不忠），但不論你亦或是另一半的出軌行徑都不該外傳，弗斯坦（Firstein）說道。想要向他人發泄是很正常的——比如，向你的母親或閨蜜——但弗斯坦說這會徹底改變她們對你另一半的看法。如果你們倆決定分居，這沒什麼大不了，但如果你還想修復兩人的關係，那就難得多了。
"Because others know about it, it will linger on and you'll have to deal with their feelings and judgment for however long they decide," says Firstein. Think about it: If your mom knows, then every time you have a small fight with your guy and need to vent, she'll always be able to bring it back to the affair, even if it has nothing to do with that. (Plus, just imagine the daggers of hatred shooting from her eyes at every family get-together from there on out. Awk-ward.) Instead, talk to an individual or couples therapist about the affair whenever you need to — they create a safe space for you to get your emotions out without a side of judgment.
“因爲其他人都知道這事了，它會一直存在，並且只要知情人樂意，你就必須照顧他們的感受和想法，”弗斯坦說道。想想看：如果你母親知道了，之後每一次你和丈夫小吵一架想要發泄時，她都會提起他的出軌，就算你們的爭吵與這件事毫無關係。（另外，想想看自那以後每次參加家庭聚會，你老媽向他投射的犀利眼神吧。真是尷尬。）其實任何你需要的時候，都可以和個人或夫妻治療師談論出軌事件——他們能創造出一種安全的空間：大聲說出自己的情感而不用擔心遭人指指點點。
2) When One (or Both) of You Is Going Through Something Private
2）你們中一個或兩者都在經歷一些私人的事情It sounds like a given, but Firstein says it's worth repeating: If your partner you about a private family matter (his sibling has a serious health condition, for example) or a less-than-ideal situation he's in (like the loss of a job), keep your mouth shut. When he opens up to you like that, it's proof that he trusts you and your ability to handle the situation in a respectful manner, she says. Don't break that trust by opening up to someone else — even if it's simply because you're looking for advice on how to console him. Instead, "it's best to just listen and be there," says Firstein. "It's a touchy issue, but the best thing you can do is let him talk, and be caring and empathetic."
這聽起來像是個假設，但弗斯坦說這值得重複：如果你的伴侶和你吐露了一個家族問題（比如，他的兄弟姐妹有嚴重的健康問題）或者談了他目前正處於一種不甚理想的情況下（比如失業了），那千萬別和他人提及。當他願意和你談這類事情時，就表明他很信任你，相信你會你妥善處理這些事情，她說道。不要和別人碎嘴而打破了這種信任——即使你只是想尋求建議如何安慰他。其實，“最好的做法就是傾聽、陪伴，”弗斯坦說道。“這是件棘手的事情，最好的做法就是讓他傾訴、同時關愛、同情他。”
