分手不是世界末日：分手後絕不要做的8件事

Breakups. Even the most amicable of parting ways can sting. When mourning the end of a relationship, be sure to avoid the following “don’ts” of breakup etiquette.
分手了。即便是以最和平的方式還是會感到刺痛。在爲一段關係的結束而難過時，別忘了分手的規矩，千萬別做下面這8件事。

1. Pretend you’re fine.
假裝你很好

Let yourself mourn. Cry. Punch a pillow. Journal. Surround yourself with friends who listen. The temptation may be to pretend you’re unaffected by the breakup; don’t let pride get in the way of being real. You don’t have to sob at the office, but take some quiet moments to reflect and be honest with yourself. It’s okay to be angry, hurt or humiliated. It’s healthier to express yourself honestly than grow numb.
允許自己傷心、哭泣、摔打枕頭、寫日記、向周圍的朋友傾訴。有時候你也許想假裝自己面對分手若無其事；別讓自尊心掩蓋了真實的自己。不是說讓你在辦公室啜泣，但是可以靜一靜，給自己點時間坦誠地面對自己。感覺憤怒、痛苦或羞愧都是正常的。和僞裝麻木相比，真誠地表現自我更健康。

2. Try to be just friends
試着做“普通朋友”

Very rarely can a breakup lead to a solid friendship, and until you’re okay with the idea of your ex dating someone new, you’re not ready to be pals.
分手後的情侶很少有能成爲真正的朋友，直到你可以接受前任另尋新歡了，在此之前你們並沒有準備好成爲朋友。

Create intentional space for a while and let yourself mourn the end of the relationship. If your ex is pushing for friendship, stand your ground if you’re uncomfortable with the idea. Right now, you’re not looking for a friend who looks exactly like the person who broke your heart.
刻意保持一段時間的距離，允許自己爲這段關係的結束而傷心。如果前任想要和你做朋友，而這讓你感到不悅，就堅持自己的立場。現在你並不需要和一個曾經傷了你的心的人做朋友。

3. Seek revenge.
尋求報復

Don’t key his car, kidnap his cat, or destroy his stuff. And never, ever do something that could land you in legal trouble. (If you share the lease, deal with it like responsible adults. Don’t lock him out.)
別刮花他的車，綁架他的貓，或者破壞他的東西。而且千萬千萬不要做那些可能給你帶來法律上麻煩的事情。（如果你們之前共同租房，像一個負責人的成年人那樣去處理這個問題。別把他鎖在門外。）

The thrill of revenge only feeds bitterness and hatred. You may have been deeply wronged, but “getting even” won’t heal any wounds. Forgive and move on. Carry your head high and spend your energy on people who deserve it.
報復只會換來苦澀和憎恨。你也許被傷得很深，但“扯平”並不會治癒你的傷痕。原諒他然後繼續前行。昂起頭，把工夫花在那些值得的人身上。

4. Communicate. In any format.
任何形式的來往

You broke up last week, but you still “have thoughts” you want to process with the ex. You pick up your phone. Something makes you laugh on your way to work. Your first instinct? Text your ex about it. Don’t.
你們上週分手了，但你還“有些想法”想和前任說。你拿起了電話。你在上班路上遇到了好笑的事情。你的第一反應是給前任發短信？別這樣做。

There will be times when it’s important to communicate with an ex. Maybe you need to return his things. Maybe you have to deal with a shared lease, or pet custody. Resist the urge, however, to call or text whenever you would have when you were still dating.
總有些時候有些重要的事你想和前任談談。也許你要把他的東西還給他；也許你要處理一下你們合租的房子，或是寵物的歸屬。然而你要對抗這種衝動，不要像你們分手之前那樣，給他打電話或者發短信。

Breakups create voids. Ask a close friend if you can call him/her every time you would usually reach out to your ex. Recruit a support system of friends and family to help you fill the time normally spent with a significant other. Many people feel lost after a breakup; not because they miss their ex, but because so many of their daily habits once revolved around someone else. Give yourself some time to adapt to single life.
分手會帶來空虛。每當你想和前任聯繫時，問一個親密的朋友，能否改爲給他/她打電話。向一幫朋友和家人尋求支援，讓他們幫助你填補那些通常會和那個他/她度過的時光。許多人在分手後感到失落，並不是因爲他們多想念前任，而是因爲他們的很多日常習慣都曾經只圍繞着那一個人。給自己一些時間，適應單身生活。
5. Beg for reconciliation.
乞求複合

Yes, dogs can get away with begging. But you can't. Maybe you don’t understand why it ended. Maybe you think it ended for the wrong reasons. Maybe you’d just rather be in a bad relationship than be in no relationship at all. Instead of clinging to lost hope, find a wise friend who can help you walk through the reasons why you’re having a hard time letting go.
是的 ，狗狗們的乞求也許管用，但是你不能這樣做。也許你還不明白你們爲什麼會分手；也許你認爲你們分開的理由是錯誤的；也許你寧願維持這段糟糕的關係也不願意單身一人。與其糾纏於這些無謂的念想，不如找一個有智慧的朋友，他/她會幫你認識到爲什麼要放手，讓那些艱難的時刻過去。

Don’t beg for him/her to return. Deep down, you know that you don’t want to be in a relationship with someone you had to beg to be with you. Besides, if your ex rejects you a second time, it won’t just hurt; the rejection will sting with extra humiliation and regret.
別乞求他/她回心轉意。事實上你清楚，自己並不想和一個乞求得來的人在一起。此外，如果你的前任再次拒絕了你，那就不止是傷心了：他/她的拒絕會帶着屈辱和懊悔一起刺痛你。

6. Facebook-stalk your ex.
在社交網絡上監視前任

Social media can be dangerous when dealing with heartache. Give yourself two rules: Don’t post anything about the breakup drama online, no matter how vague, and resist the urge to stalk your ex. “Defriending” or at least hiding statuses can help you avoid the constant temptation to check in and see if your ex is living a life more miserable — or worse, more awesome — than yours.
說到分手後的心痛，社交媒體就變得危險起來。告訴你兩條規矩：別在網上發佈任何和分手有關的內容，哪怕措辭再模糊也不行；還有就是一定要剋制住監視前任的衝動。對前任“取消關注”或者至少保持隱身，可以幫助你抵制住查看他/她狀態的誘惑。不要去關心你的前任是過得比你更傷心、更糟糕還是更好。

7. Get a haircut — or tattoo.
剪髮或紋身

Make no drastic changes for a while. It’s easy to make rash decisions post-breakups. One major change in your life can inspire even more change. If you have a tattoo-design epiphany in the days following heartache, wait a few months before acting on it. Wait until you’re emotionally back on your feet.
暫時不要做出重大改變。分手後很容易做出草率的決定。生活中一個大的改變可以激發更多的改變。如果你在傷心的時候想去弄個紋身，等幾個月再說吧。至少等你的情緒平復一些。

Hair grows back, but be warned: a bad bowl cut can hurt your already-bruised confidence. Don’t kick yourself when you’re down.
頭髮還可以再長，但要小心：一個糟糕的髮型可以打擊你本來就受傷的自信。別在難過的時候再來糟蹋自己了。

8. Give up.
灰心喪氣

She wasn’t the one. He made you feel like nothing. Don’t let a breakup destroy hope. Continue taking care of yourself. Take some time to refocus and pursue the things you’ve always loved to do. Spend time with loved ones. Love isn’t a one-shot-only experience.
她不是對的那個人。他讓你感覺一無所有。別讓分手摧毀你的希望。繼續關愛自己，花些時間，去重新關注和追求那些你一直喜愛的事情。和你愛的人們在一起。愛情的體驗絕不僅僅是一次。

Learn what you can from the relationship that just ended and move forward. Don’t give up on meeting your perfect match. Be thankful that the wrong relationship ended to free you up for the right one.
從剛剛結束的這段關係裏總結經驗，然後繼續前行。別放棄尋找完美的另一半。要感謝這段錯誤關係的終結給你自由，讓你去尋找那個對的人。