謙虛的自誇:比自誇更可惡的他誇

Last week Harris Wittels, the man who coined the phrase “humblebrag”, died at the unconscionable age of 30. In his memory I’ve been sifting through some of the finest examples of this specious genre — the boast that pretends not to be one — and have come up with two favourites.

近日，“謙虛的自誇”(humblebrag)一詞的創造者哈里斯•維特爾斯(Harris Wittels)英年早逝，年僅30歲。爲了紀念他，我把一些最符合這種表面上看不出來的自誇方式——假裝不是自誇的自誇——的例子篩選了一番，並挑選出兩個我最喜歡的例子。

My second best is Stephen Fry’s tweet from 2013: “Oh dear. Don’t know what to do at the airport. Huge crowd, but I’ll miss my plane if I stop and do photos . . . oh dear don’t want to disappoint.”

我挑選出的次佳例子是斯蒂芬•弗萊(Stephen Fry)2013年發的一條推文：“噢天哪。我現在在在機場不知道該怎麼辦。粉絲太多了，但如果我停下來和他們合影的話，我會錯過航班的……噢天啊，真不想讓他們失望。”

But my runaway first choice is from Oprah Winfrey. “OMG! Just had a SURPRISE date with Jackie Jackson. My teen idol heartthrob. Tried not to talk too much or eat too much. Succeeded at neither!”

但我認爲最佳例子毫無疑問來自奧普拉•溫弗裏(Oprah Winfrey)。“噢我的天啊！剛和傑基•傑克遜(Jackie Jackson)結束了一次意外約會。我年少時的夢中情人。我一直盡力讓自己不要話太多或者暴露出吃貨的一面。結果都沒做到！”

As Wittels put it: “Oprah, you don’t gotta brag. You’re Oprah.”

正如維特爾斯所說：“奧普拉，你用不着自誇。你可是奧普拉啊。”

However, there is another sort of boasting that needs exposing even more than the humblebrag as it is more widespread and more lethal. For want of a snappier name, I’m calling it the thirdpartybrag: when you pass on favourable remarks made about you by someone else.

不過，還有另一種形式的自誇甚至應該比“謙虛的自誇”更需要被揭露，因爲這種自誇更普遍且更具殺傷力。因爲想不出更俏皮的名字，我就叫它“他誇”好了(thirdpartybrag)：即傳播別人對你的讚揚。

The rampant popularity of this sort of bragging is for three reasons: it involves minimal queasiness as you don’t have to make the boast yourself; it sounds almost objective; and Twitter makes it a doddle. It is as easy as hitting the retweet button and, far from looking crass, it has the further beauty of seeming almost good manners, as a retweet is a self-serving sort of thank you.

這種自誇方式之所以如此受歡迎，原因有三點：它所引起的反感度最小，因爲你不需要自吹自擂；聽起來差不多是客觀的；Twitter使之實踐起來易如反掌。這種自誇做起來十分簡單，只要點擊“轉發”按鈕，不僅看起來一點也不愚蠢，而且還幾乎顯得挺有禮貌，因爲轉發本身就是一種說“謝謝”的方式。

A particularly prolific thirdpartybragger is the British scientist Richard dawkins, who engages in the practice several times a day. During the time I have been writing these paragraphs he has failed to resist the urge to retweet the following from @jamiesaboyname: “Such an amazing experience last night, to be in the presence of two of the worlds most beautiful minds @RichardDawkins @LKrauss1”.

英國科學家理查德•道金斯(Richard Dawkins)是一位格外高產的“他誇”踐行者，他每天都要實踐數次。就在我寫到這裏時，他沒能抵抗住這樣做的衝動，轉發了@jamiesaboyname的如下評論：“昨晚面對面見到了世上最具才智之人中的二位——理查德•道金斯(@RichardDawkins)和@LKrauss1，真是令人難忘的經歷”。

Channelling Wittels, I want to shout: Richard Dawkins, you don’t gotta brag. You’re Richard Dawkins.

借用維特爾斯的話，我想大喊道：理查德•道金斯，你用不着自誇。你可是理查德•道金斯啊。

I have become so allergic to thirdpartybragging that I am unfollowing everyone who engages in it. So it is farewell Dawkins. It’s also farewell Jack Welch, who one might have thought didn’t gotta brag either. He recently retweeted the following from @SPPresents “@jack_welch Just wanted to say THANK YOU for selecting me to narrate your new book Real Life MBA. It’s well written, funny, and engaging!”

我現在對“他誇”非常敏感，取關了所有這樣自誇的人。所以，拜拜了道金斯，拜拜了傑克•韋爾奇(Jack Welch)。韋爾奇也是一個人們或許會覺得沒必要自誇的人。他最近轉發了@SPPresents的如下評論：“傑克•韋爾奇(@jack_welch)，只是想說‘謝謝你’選擇讓我來朗讀你的新書《現實生活中的MBA》(Real Life MBA)。這本書寫得很好，既有趣又引人入勝。”

Various colleagues have also been removed from my following list, though there are two who are getting a second chance. In one case, the thirdpartybragging was done by the man’s wife; the other retweeted comments about himself that were insulting rather than complimentary. Even though this is merely a thirdpartybrag with a bit of humblebrag thrown in, I’m forgiving him as the insult — that his column was “ludicrous bilge” — was quite funny.

許多同事也被我從關注列表中移除了，不過我給了兩個人第二次機會。其中一個人，他轉的誇獎來自他的妻子；另一個人轉發了的評論是批評，而非讚美自己的話。儘管這“批評”不過是摻雜着些許“謙虛自誇”意味的“他誇”，但我還是原諒了他，因爲這條評論——把他的專欄稱爲“荒唐的廢話”——很有意思。

The popularity of thirdpartybragging raises the question: why do people demean themselves in this way? Partly it is because such retweeting administers a stroke to the ego.

“他誇”的普遍流行引發了一個問題：人們爲什麼要這樣降低自己的格調？部分原因是這種轉發滿足了自尊心。

However, stroking egos is not what the internet is there for: it is what mothers are for instead. When mine was alive I would ring her up every time anyone said anything nice about me and hold forth at some length. From the other end of the phone would invariably come pleased noises.

然而，要滿足自尊心，我們不應找互聯網，而應該找媽媽。我媽媽在世的時候，每次有人誇我時，我都會給她打電話詳細轉述。而電話那頭的媽媽，必定會開心得大喊大叫。

To follow someone on Twitter is not at all like being their mother. When the historian Simon Sebag Montefiore retweets “@SimonMontefiore J’lem one of the best books I’ve read. Can’t wait for your next tome!” I don’t make pleased noises; I make vomit ones and hit unfollow.

在Twitter上關注某人，決不是要表現地像他們的媽媽一樣。當歷史學家西蒙•塞巴格•蒙蒂菲奧裏(Simon Sebag Montefiore)轉發“西蒙•蒙蒂菲奧裏(@SimonMontefiore)，《耶路撒冷》(Jerusalem)是我讀過最棒的著作之一。等不及要看你下一部大作！”時，我沒有開心得大喊大叫，而是大喊噁心，隨後點擊取關。

A bigger reason for the thirdpartybrag is not to feed egos, but to flog books, talks and so on. But can something so blatant really work?

“他誇”之所以流行，更主要的原因不在於滿足自尊心，而是爲了推銷書籍、講座等。但如此赤裸裸的推銷真的能奏效嗎？

The depressing answer is that it seems to. Seth Godin, a marketing pundit, has just devoted an entire blog post to reproducing gush from a third party. I fear I am the only person who responded badly — 876 people liked the boast post so much they retweeted it.

令人沮喪的是，答案是似乎真的可以。營銷大師塞思•戈丁(Seth Godin)不久前剛用一整篇博文記錄來自別人的恭維之詞。恐怕我是唯一感到反感的人——有876人非常喜歡這篇自誇貼，以至於轉發了它。

Thirdpartybragging shows followers as brainless and perpetrators shameless. In the case of Mr Godin, who is both in marketing and from America — where there is a more robust attitude to boasting in general — it may make sense. But what about Mr Dawkins? Has thirdpartybragging damaged the scientist’s considerable brain?

“他誇”顯示出粉絲無腦，這種行爲的實施者也沒有節操。戈丁來自營銷界和美國——總體來說對自吹自擂之風態度更爲包容的地方，他搞這一套或許還說得通。但道金斯呢？“他誇”難道也損壞了這位科學家聰明的大腦嗎？

To find out last week I composed a tweet that went roughly: “Didn’t realise @richarddawkins invented the meme. He’s even more of a god than I thought he was.” I sat back and waited for him to retweet, but several days passed and nothing happened. I feel better about Mr Dawkins as a result. But now I am vaguely offended. Didn’t he like my message, or something?

爲了找出答案，不久前我發了一條推文，內容大致如下：“沒想到是理查德•道金斯(@richarddawkins)發明了“摹因”(meme)一詞。他甚至比我之前認爲的更牛。”接着我就往椅背上一靠，等待他轉發，但很多天過去了，什麼都沒發生。因此，我對道金斯的看法有所好轉。但現在我有了一種模糊的被冒犯的感覺。他是不喜歡我的評論還是怎麼着？