英語故事 搞笑幽默
英語幽默故事簡短，內容詼諧幽默，情節生動有趣。今天小編整理了一些英語小故事，希望對大家喜歡。
英語幽默故事：病人和他的大夫
A woman complained that her husband constantly hung around the house，doing or saying nothing. To please her, he went to see a psychiatrist.“Just lie down on the couch and we'll talk. "the doctor told him. "If you think of something to say, fine. If not，maybe next time.”
一位婦女總是抱怨其丈夫在家裏轉來轉去，無所事是，爲了使老婆高興，他找到了精神病學專家。“你就躺在沙發上，我們來談談。”精神病醫生告訴他:“如呆你想起什麼就說，沒有的話，下次再講也行。”
The guy got himself comfortable and fell fast asleep. At the end of the hour，the doctor woke hirn up and said，"That will be all for today—$100，please. "The patient paid and left.
這位男士舒適地躺在沙發上，很快就入睡了。到了一小時，大夫喚醒了他說:“今天就到這兒吧，請交100元。”病人付了錢之後就走了
The man came back every Tuesday and Thursday after that. Each time，he fell asleep without saying a word，but paid the fee. The third week, the patient came in，sat down and then jumped right up again."Aha,"， marveled the doctor. "Have you thought of something to say?"
從此，那個人每週三、四來就診。每次，他總是一句話也不說，光是睡覺，而且每次都付錢。第三週，病人來後坐下，然後又跳了起來。“啊哈!”大夫驚喜道，“你想出要說的話了嗎?”
"Yes，do you need a partner ?"
“是的，你需要一個助手嗎?”
英語幽默故事：磕睡之人
The preacher was vexed because a certain member of his congregation always fell asleep during the sermon. As the man was snoring in the front row one Sunday, the preacher determined he would teach him not to sleep during the sermon.
牧師非常生氣，因爲總有一個人在他說教時睡覺。一個星期天，正當坐在前排的那個人打瞌睡時，牧師決定要好好地教育他不要睡覺。
In a whisper, he asked the congregation. "All who want to go to heaven, please rise，" Everyone got up except the snorer. After whispering" Be seated"，the minister shouted at the top of his voice，"All those who want to be with the devil，please rise. "
他低聲地對教徒們說:“想去天堂的人都站起來。”除打瞌睡的人外，每個人都站了起來。牧師說過請坐之後，高聲喊道:“下地獄的請站起來!”
Awaking with a start，the sleepy-head jumped to his feet and saw the preacher standing tall and angry in the pulpit,”Well，sir," he said.,"I don't know what we're voting on, but it looks like you and me are the only ones for it."
打瞌睡的人被這突然的喊叫聲所驚醒，站了起來。看到牧師高站在教壇上，正生氣地望着他。他說:“先生，我不知我們在選什麼，但看上去你和我是唯一的侯選人。”
英語幽默故事：警察的熱心
I was surprised to learn that my 72-year-old mother dared to drive 900 miles in a 12-year-old car to visit asked how she made out，she told me just l her second night. She had filled the gas tank and didn't have the money for a motel room.
當聽說我72歲的母親居然開着12年的舊車行駛了900英里來看我時，我真有些吃驚。在我問她是如何做的時候，她告訴我她一切都好，只是到了第二天晚上，給汽車加油後卻沒有住旅館的錢。
"What did you do?"I asked.“
那你怎麼辦了?”我問道。
" Well，"she began，“I was driving through this small town and feeling very sleepy. A policeman pulled me over and asked if I had been drinking. When I told him no，he wanted to know why I was weaving all over the road，I explained my situation,’‘Follow me，”he then drove to a motel where the nice officer paid for my night's lodging.
她說:“嗨，我開到這個鎮子時，感到很困，一位警寨叫住了我。他問我是
否喝了酒，我說沒喝。警察問我爲什麼開車在路上打晃晃。於是我解釋了我的情況。他命令道:“跟我走。”就這樣，我們就開到了一個汽車旅館。警察替我付了住店費。 "As he was leaving,"Mother continued,”he turned to me and said,I Ma'am，the next time you have to visit your daughter，please take another route.'”
媽媽接着說:“他離開時，轉過身，衝着我說:‘夫人，你下次要看兒女時，請走另一條路線吧!’”
