當孤獨走向孤單 回到你的房間享受吧

One of the hallmarks of introversion is an ability to happily spend copious time alone. But have you.ever had that run away with you?

內向的特點之一就是擁有幸福的獨處能力。但是這是否讓你背道而馳呢？

I live on almost three acres in a quiet part of town. I work at home. I’m married, but my husband’s business requires a lot of interaction all day, and so by evening, he’s ready for some homebody action (or, more accurately, inaction). I have a couple of close friends nearby, but many have moved away over the past decade, and making new friends is difficult as I get older. At this point, most of my friends live in my computer. An online social life is great, but it’s no substitute for face to face.

我住的地方約三英畝，是鎮裏一個安靜的地方。我在家工作。我已經結婚了，但是我丈夫的工作需要天天應酬，所以到了晚上，他就變成了一個宅男（或者更確切的說是不活動）。我家周圍本來有一羣好朋友，但在過去的十年間有好多都已經搬走了，隨着年齡的增長，結交新的朋友對我來說越來越難了。此刻，我的大部分朋友就只用電腦聯繫了。線上的社交生活很棒，但是不能替代面對面的交流。

It’s easy for me to get isolated.

對我來說很容易變得孤單。

Isolation can creep up on you. You’re doing fine, you’re doing fine, you’re doing fine, enjoying your solitude, getting stuff done, perhaps even preening a little over your self sufficiency. And then one day, you blink a few times, look around, and realize that the world outside has drifted very far away.

孤單慢慢將你包圍。你做的很好，你做的很好，你做的很好，享受你的獨處，在你自我滿足的時候甚至有點洋洋得意。然後某一天，你眨了眨眼睛，看看周圍，發現外面的世界已經離你很遠。

Well, that is to say, the world has stayed where it is but you’ve drifted so far into your own head that it’s like looking out through the wrong end of the telescope.

當然，也就是說，世界依舊如此，而你沉浸在自己的世界中太久了。像是用望遠鏡的另一頭看待這個世界。

Helloooooooooo… anyone out there?

喂......有人在嗎？

Even if you have a job that requires interaction during the day, if every evening and weekend is spent alone, you can miss out on the kind of soulful connection that keeps us emotionally healthy.

即使你的工作白天需要社交，如果每天晚上和週末你都獨自度過，你會錯過讓我們保持情感健康的心靈交流。

The potential problem for us solitary types is that solitude begets solitude begets solitude begets isolation. Solitude becomes inertia.

對於我們孤獨的人來說潛在的問題就是獨處會招致更多的孤獨。孤獨成爲慣性。

You make no plans and eventually fall out of mind for people. Your social circle rolls on without you. You’re out of touch with what’s happening around town; all too often I hear about fun events the day after they happen. You fall into default mode: Sweat pants and staying home.

你沒有計劃，最終會失去與人交際的能力。你的社交圈沒有你。你與鎮周圍所發生的失去了聯繫。有很多時候，鎮裏發生的有趣事兒我都是事後才聽到的。你陷入到預設模式中：穿着運動長褲宅在家裏。

And the more isolated you become, the weirder you get. Conversation feels awkward. Getting together with people takes a level of commitment you can’t seem to muster. You intend to call friends but put it off and put it off and put it off. It’s so much easier to hang out with them on Facebook. You promise yourself you will do something fun today, but then find a million little things to do until another day has slipped by and you haven’t done anything more ambitious than go to the supermarket. You might start feeling depressed.

你越是與世隔絕，你就越奇怪。交談會感到尷尬。與朋友在一起時，你不會想要付出承諾。給朋友打電話時，你往往一拖再拖。在臉書網上交流會容易一些。你承諾今天會做一些有趣的事，但發現有無數小事要去做，等到第二天都過去了，你除了逛超市再沒有幹比這更有雄心的事。你開始感到沮喪。

Friends, no matter how proudly introverted you are, isolation isn’t good for you. Solitude is great, until it’s not.

朋友，不管你對於內向有多驕傲，孤獨對你毫無益處。獨處很棒，直到它變壞的時候。

The only cure for isolation is discipline. The discipline to make yourself pick up the phone and call someone you like. Sometimes that means moving out of your comfort zone, connecting with someone who is still just a potential friend. (See First Leave the House: Strategies for Making New Friends.) You need discipline to plan an outing and follow through. You need discipline to say “yes” to the next invitation you receive, even if it’s not the greatest thing you can imagine doing. The point isn’t that you have to do something wonderful. The point is that you have to do something. Anything, as long as it involves other people. Preferably people with whom you can converse.

解決孤獨的唯一方法就是訓練。訓練你拿起電話然後打給你喜歡的人。有時候這意味着走出你的舒適區，與潛在的朋友聯繫。（看《第一步離開屋子：結交新朋友的策略》）你需要訓練去做一個遠足計劃然後實施它。你需要練習在收到下一個邀請函的時候說是。即使這不是你能想象到的最棒的事。關鍵不是要你做什麼精彩的事，而是要你做一些事情。任何事，只要涉及其他人。最好是可以與之交談的人。

I’ve been pushing myself in that way recently and it is having the desired effect. My husband noticed how much cheerier and more relaxed I was a couple of weeks ago, after an evening of wine and conversation (and wine) with a friend. Even spending some time on the telephone with faraway friends has been helpful. And when I see an event listing that interests me, I buy tickets or put it on my calendar right away rather than waiting for who-knows-what, until it's too late.

最近我一直在強迫自己這樣做，並且達到了預期效果。數週前，我的丈夫發現我在一個晚上和朋友聊天喝酒的時候更加愉悅，更加放鬆。即使給遠方的朋友打個電話也是有幫助的。當我看到列出的清單上有使我感興趣的項目時，我就立馬買票或是記在我的日曆上，而不是乾等着，那就太晚了。

The only cure for isolation is reengaging with the world. Force yourself out and about, make yourself interact, rejoin your community. Do it because it’s good for you.

治療孤獨的唯一方法就是與世界重修舊好。強迫自己出去，讓自己與他人溝通，再次融入你的社團。行動起來，因爲這對你有益。

And then, when you’re on the verge of exploding head, return to your nice quiet room and enjoy the solitude again.

其次，當你頭痛欲裂的時候，回到你安靜的房間然後再次享受獨處。