經典科幻文學:《宇宙盡頭的餐館》第17章8

“you.get this bath, see? Imagine you’ve got this bath. And it’s ebony. And it’s conical.”
“Conical?” said Arthur, “What sort of…”
“Shhh!” said Ford. “It’s conical. So what you do is, you see, you fill it with fine white sand, alright? Or sugar. Fine white sand, and/or sugar. Anything. Doesn’t matter. Sugar’s fine. And when it’s full, you pull the plug out… are you listening?”
“I’m listening.”
“You pull the plug out, and it all just twirls away, twirls away you see, out of the plughole.”
“I see.”
“You don’t see. You don’t see at all. I haven’t got to the clever bit yet. You want to hear the clever bit?”
“Tell me the clever bit.”
“I’ll tell you the clever bit.”
Ford thought for a moment, trying to remember what the clever bit was.
“The clever bit,” he said, “is this. You film it happening.”
“Clever.”
“That’s not the clever bit. This is the clever bit, I remember now that this is the clever bit. The clever bit is that you then thread the film in the projector… backwards!”
“Backwards?”
“Yes. Threading it backwards is definitely the clever bit. So then, you just sit and watch it, and everything just appears to spiral upwards out of the plughole and fill the bath. See?”
“And that’s how the Universe began is it?” said Arthur.
“No,” said Ford, “but it’s a marvellous way to relax.”
He reached for his wine glass.
“Where’s my wine glass?” he said.
“It’s on the floor.”
“Ah.”
Tipping back his chair to look for it, Ford collided with the small green waiter who was approaching the table carrying a portable telephone.
Ford excused himself to the waiter explaining that it was because he was extremely drunk.
The waiter said that that was quite alright and that he perfectly understood.
Ford thanked the waiter for his kind indulgence, attempted to tug his forelock, missed by six inches and slid under the table.
“Mr. Zaphod Beeblebrox?” inquired the waiter.
“Er, yeah?” said Zaphod, glancing up from his third steak.
“There is a phone call for you.”
“Hey, what?”

“你有這個浴盆，明白嗎々假設你有這個浴盆。並且，它是用烏木做的，圓錐狀的”
“圓錐狀？”阿瑟說，“哪種？”
“噓！”福特說，“它就是圓錐狀的，然後，你需要做的是－－你知道－－把它裏面填滿細白沙，明白嗎？或者白糖也可以。細白沙，或白糖，任何東西，沒關係的。白糖不錯，當它裝滿時，你拔掉浴盆塞子，你在聽嗎？”
“我聽着呢！”
“你拔掉塞子，然後，裏面的東西就都旋轉着漏掉了，旋轉着漏掉，你知道，從塞孔中。”
“我明白。”
”懷不明白。你根本不明白。我還沒有到最妙的部分呢。你想聽最妙的部分嗎？”
“告訴我最妙的部分吧，”
“我會告訴你最妙的部分的。”
福特想了一會兒，極力回憶最妙的部分是什麼。
“最妙的部分，”他說，“是這個。你拍下它正在發生的場面。”
“確實妙。”
“這不是最妙的部分。這纔是最妙的部分，現在我記起來了，這纔是最妙的部分。最妙的部分是，然後，你把膠片裝進放映機往回倒！”
“往回倒？”
“是的。裝進去再往回倒才的的確確是最妙的部分。然後，你坐在那兒觀看，一切就像通過塞螺旋形上升，最終填滿整個浴盆。明白嗎？”
“宇宙就是這樣開始的，是嗎？”阿瑟說。
“不，”福特說，“這是一種很棒的放鬆方式。”
他伸手去拿他的酒杯。
“我的酒杯在哪？”他問。
“在地上。”
“喔。”
福特向後翹起椅子，想找到酒杯，卻撞到一個綠色侍者，他正拿着一部便攜斌電話朝餐桌走過來。
福特向他道歉，解釋說這是因爲自己已經喝得相當醉了。
侍者說這絲毫沒有關係，他完全能理解。
捐特感謝他善意的寬容，這才滑到桌子下面。
“贊福德‘畢障布魯克斯先生？”侍者問道。
“嗯，什麼事？”贊福德說，把目光從他的第一塊肉排上轉移過來。
“有您的一個電話，”
“嗯，什麼？”