經典科幻文學:《宇宙盡頭的餐館》第17章6
“Do we have…” he put up a hand to hold back the cheers, “Do we have a party here from the Zansellquasure Flamarion Bridge Club from beyond the Vortvoid of Qvarne? Are they here?”
A rousing cheer came from the back, but he pretended not to hear. He peered around trying to find them.
“Are they here?” he asked again, to elicit a louder cheer.
He got it, as he always did.
“Ah, there they are. Well, last bids lads and no cheating, remember this is a very solemn moment.”
He lapped up the laughter.
“And do we also have, do we have… a party of minor deities from the Halls of Asgard?”
Away to his right came a rumble of thunder. Lightning arced across the stage. A small group of hairy men with helmets sat looking very pleased with themselves, and raised their glasses to him.
Hasbeens, he thought to himself.
“Careful with that hammer, sir,” he said.
They did their trick with the lightning again. Max gave them a very thin lipped smile.
“And thirdly,” he said, “thirdly a party of Young Conservatives from Sirius B, are they here?”
A party of smartly dressed young dogs stopped throwing rolls at each other and started throwing rolls at the stage. They yapped and barked unintelligibly.
“Yes,” said Max, “well this is all your fault, you realize that?”
“And finally,” said Max, quieting the audience down and putting on his solemn face, “finally I believe we have with us here tonight, a party of believers, very devout believers, from the Church of the Second Coming of the Great Prophet Zarquon.”
There were about twenty of them, sitting right out on the edge of the floor, ascetically dressed, sipping mineral water nervously, and staying apart from the festivities. They blinked resentfully as the spotlight was turned on them.
“There they are,” said Max, “sitting there, patiently. He said he’d come again, and he’s kept you waiting a long time, so let’s hope he’s hurrying fellas, because he’s only got eight minutes left!”
The party of Zarquon’s followers sat rigid, refusing to be buffeted by the waves of uncharitable laughter which swept over them.
Max restrained his audience.
“No, but seriously though folks, seriously though, no offence meant. No, I know we shouldn’t make fun of deeply held beliefs, so I think a big hand please for the Great Prophet Zarquon…”
The audience clapped respectfully.
“… wherever he’s got to!”
He blew a kiss to the stony-faced party and returned to the centre of the stage.
He grabbed a tall stool and sat on it.
“我們有——”他舉起一隻手製止了臺下的歡呼，“我們有來誇胥弗託瑪瑞恩橋牌俱樂部的Ⅲ隊嗎，他們在這裏嗎？”
一陣熱烈的歡呼聲從後面傳來，但他裝作沒聽到，他四處打量着，想找到他們，
“他們在這裏嗎？”他又問了一句，爲的是引起更大的歡呼聲。
他看見他們了，就像他一向所做的那樣，
“嗅，他們在那兒。好的，這是最後一次叫牌，夥計們——沒有作弊。記住這個莊嚴的時刻。”
他欣然接受了笑聲。
“我們還有，我們有來自仙宮大廳的次級神靈團隊嗎？”
從他的右側傳來一陣隆隆雷鳴，一道閃電穿過舞臺。一隊戴着頭盔的毛茸茸的人坐在那兒，看上去自得其樂，還端起酒杯向他致意。
總玩這一套，他暗自思忖。
“小心你那把鐵槌，先生。”他說，
他們又玩了一次閃電的把戲，馬克斯給了他們一個非常勉強的笑容。
“第三個，”他說，“第三個是來自天狼星系B星的青年保守主義者團隊。他們在這裏嗎？”
一夥穿着時髦的小狗停止互相扔麪包卷，一起朝舞臺上扔起來，同時莫名其妙地狂吠着。
“是的，”馬克斯說，“嗯，宇宙快毀滅了，這是你們的錯，你們明白嗎，”
“雖然，”馬克斯說，他示意觀衆們安靜下來，同時恢復了莊嚴的表情，“我相信今晚和我們在一起的還有一個信仰者的團隊，非常虔誠的信仰者，來自‘偉大先知扎昆的第二次降臨，教派……”
他們大概有二十人左右，坐在外嗣，一副苦行僧的打扮，正在不安地吸着礦泉水，和眼前的歡宴保持着距離。當聚光燈打到他們身上時，他們只是憤慨地眨眼睛。
“他們在那兒，”馬克斯說，“耐心地坐在那裏。先知扎昆說過他會二次降臨，可他讓你們等丁這麼久，我們希望這傢伙動作快電，因爲他只剩下八分鐘了！”
扎昆的追隨者們堅定不移地坐着，拒絕受到席捲他們的無情的大笑聲浪的衝擊。
馬克斯制止了他的觀衆，
“不，嚴肅點，朋友們，嚴肅點我絲毫沒有冒犯的意思。不，我只知道，我們大家不應該取笑堅定的信仰。所以，我建議對偉大的先知扎昆報以一次熱烈的掌聲”
觀衆們聽話地鼓起掌來。
“無論他上哪兒去了！”
他朝這個面無表情的團隊送上一個飛吻，然後回到舞臺中央。
他拉過一張高凳，坐了上去。
