諾貝爾文學經典:《寵兒》第7章Part 3

So she had almost a wholeyear of the company of her peers and along with them learned to spell and count. She was seven,and those two hours in the afternoon were precious to her. Especially so because she had done it onher own and was pleased and surprised by the pleasure and surprise it created in her mother andher brothers. For a nickel a month, Lady Jones did what whitepeople thought unnecessary if notillegal: crowded her little parlor with the colored children who had time for and interest in booklearning. The nickel, tied to a handkerchief knot, tied to her belt, that she carried to Lady Jones,thrilled her. The effort to handle chalk expertly and avoid the scream it would make; the capital w,the little i, the beauty of the letters in her name, the deeply mournful sentences from the BibleLady Jones used as a textbook. Denver practiced every morning; starred every afternoon. She wasso happy she didn't even know she was being avoided by her classmates — that they made excusesand altered their pace not to walk with her. It was Nelson Lord — the boy as smart as she was —who put a stop to it; who asked her the question about her mother that put chalk, the little i and allthe rest that those afternoons held, out of reach forever. She should have laughed when he said it,or pushed him down, but there was no meanness in his face or his voice. Just curiosity. But thething that leapt up in her when he asked it was a thing that had been lying there all along.
She never went back. The second day she didn't go, Sethe asked her why not. Denver didn't answer.
She was too scared to ask her brothers or anyone else Nelson Lord's question because certain oddand terrifying feelings about her mother were collecting around the thing that leapt up inside her. Later on, after Baby Suggs died, she did not wonder why Howard and Buglar had run away. Shedid not agree with Sethe that they left because of the ghost. If so, what took them so long? Theyhad lived with it as long as she had. But if Nelson Lord was right — no wonder they were sulky,staying away from home as much as they could.
Meanwhile the monstrous and unmanageable dreams about Sethe found release in theconcentration Denver began to fix on the baby ghost. Before Nelson Lord, she had been barelyinterested in its antics. The patience of her mother and grandmother in its presence made herindifferent to it. Then it began to irritate her, wear her out with its mischief. That was when shewalked off to follow the children to Lady Jones' house-school. Now it held for her all the anger,love and fear she didn't know what to do with. Even when she did muster the courage to askNelson Lord's question, she could not hear Sethe's answer, nor Baby Suggs' words, nor anything atall thereafter. For two years she walked in a silence too solid for penetration but which gave hereyes a power even she found hard to believe. The black nostrils of a sparrow sitting on a branchsixty feet above her head, for instance. For two years she heard nothing at all and then she heardclose thunder crawling up the stairs. Baby Suggs thought it was Here Boy padding into places henever went. Sethe thought it was the India-rubber ball the boys played with bounding down the stairs.

於是她有幾乎整整一年時間可以和同學們相伴，和他們一起學習拼寫和算術。她那時七歲，那些下午的兩個鐘頭一直爲她所珍視。尤其可貴的是，她做下這件事全靠自己，還因爲讓媽媽和哥哥們喜出望外而喜出望外。每月收費五分錢，瓊斯女士做了白人們認爲即便合法也毫無必要的事情：讓她的小客廳裏擠滿那些有時間也有興趣讀書的黑孩子。帶給瓊斯女士的五分錢系在手絹裏，拴在腰帶上，這讓丹芙熱血沸騰。她學着儘量老練地使用粉筆，以免發出尖聲；欣賞大寫的W、小寫的i、自己名字裏字母的美，還有瓊斯女士用作課本的《聖經》裏深切哀愴的句子。丹芙每天早上溫習功課，每天下午去一顯身手。她是這樣快樂，都不知道自己在被同學們迴避着——他們找藉口、改變步調，不跟她走到一起。是內爾森·洛德——那個跟她一樣聰明的男孩——終止了這一切；他問起了關於她媽媽的問題，使得粉筆、小寫i和那些下午包含的其餘內容變得永遠不可企及。他問問題的時候，她本該一笑置之，或者把他推個跟頭，可是他的臉上和聲音裏都沒有惡意，只有好奇。然而他提問時在她心裏跳將起來的東西，事實上蟄伏已久了。
她再也沒有回去。第二天她沒去上學，塞絲問她爲什麼。丹芙沒有回答。
她害怕得不敢找她的哥哥或是別的什麼人去問內爾森·洛德的問題，因爲關於她媽媽的某種古怪而可怕的感覺，正在那從她心裏跳將起來的東西周圍聚集。後來，貝比·薩格斯去世後，她已不再奇怪，霍華德和巴格勒爲什麼要出走。她不同意塞絲的解釋，說什麼是因爲鬼才離開的。如果真是這樣，他們爲什麼耽擱這麼久呢？他們同它一起生活的時間跟她一樣長。但是，如果內爾森·洛德說得對——那就怪不得他們要那麼悶悶不樂，儘可能遠地離開家了。
與此同時，丹芙開始專心致志地對付那個小鬼魂，於是，有關塞絲的不可開交的噩夢獲得瞭解脫。在內爾森·洛德提問以前，她很少對它的胡鬧感興趣。既然她媽媽和奶奶對鬼魂的出沒表現得相當耐心，她便對它漠不關心了。後來，它開始惹惱她，用惡作劇搞得她疲憊不堪。那正是她走出門、跟着孩子們去瓊斯女士的家庭學校上學的時候。於是，她所有的憤怒、愛和恐懼都繫於小鬼魂一身，她對此完全不知如何是好。甚至當她真的鼓起勇氣去問內爾森·洛德問過的問題時，她也聽不見塞絲的回答，聽不見貝比·薩格斯的回答，聽不見此後的任何一句話。整整兩年時間，她一直在一種堅實得無法穿透的寂靜之中度過，但她的眼睛卻因而得到了一種她自己都不敢置信的力量。比如，她看得見一隻蹲在頭頂上六十英尺高樹枝上的麻雀的兩個黑鼻孔。她有整整兩年什麼都聽不見；然後，就突然聽見了近處爬樓梯的轟響。貝比·薩格斯以爲是"來，小鬼"走進了它從來不去的地方。塞絲以爲是兒子玩的印第安橡皮球滾下了樓梯。