名著精讀:《悉達多》 戈文達(1)

GOVINDA
Together with other monks, Govinda used to spend the time of rest between pilgrimages in the pleasure-grove, which the courtesan Kamala had given to the followers of Gotama for a gift. He heard talk of an old ferryman, who lived one day's journey away by the river, and who was regarded as a wise man by many. When Govinda went back on his way, he chose the path to the ferry, eager to see the ferryman. Because, though he had lived his entire life by the rules, though he was also looked upon with veneration by the younger monks on account of his age and his modesty, the restlessness and the searching still had not perished from his heart.
He came to the river and asked the old man to ferry him over, and when they got off the boat on the other side, he said to the old man: "You're very good to us monks and pilgrims, you have already ferried many of us across the river. Aren't you too, ferryman, a searcher for the right path?"
Quoth Siddhartha, smiling from his old eyes: "Do you call yourself a searcher, oh venerable one, though you are already of an old in years and are wearing the robe of Gotama's monks?"
"It's true, I'm old," spoke Govinda, "but I haven't stopped searching. Never I'll stop searching, this seems to be my destiny. You too, so it seems to me, have been searching. Would you like to tell me something, oh honourable one?"
Quoth Siddhartha: "What should I possibly have to tell you, oh venerable one? Perhaps that you're searching far too much? That in all that searching, you don't find the time for finding?"
"How come?" asked Govinda.
"When someone is searching," said Siddhartha, "then it might easily happen that the only thing his eyes still see is that what he searches for, that he is unable to find anything, to let anything enter his mind, because he always thinks of nothing but the object of his search, because he has a goal, because he is obsessed by the goal. Searching means: having a goal. But finding means: being free, being open, having no goal. You, oh venerable one, are perhaps indeed a searcher, because, striving for your goal, there are many things you don't see, which are directly in front of your eyes."
"I don't quite understand yet," asked Govinda, "what do you mean by this?"
Quoth Siddhartha: "A long time ago, oh venerable one, many years ago, you've once before been at this river and have found a sleeping man by the river, and have sat down with him to guard his sleep. But, oh Govinda, you did not recognise the sleeping man."
Astonished, as if he had been the object of a magic spell, the monk looked into the ferryman's eyes.
"Are you Siddhartha?" he asked with a timid voice. "I wouldn't have recognised you this time as well! From my heart, I'm greeting you, Siddhartha; from my heart, I'm happy to see you once again! You've changed a lot, my friend.--And so you've now become a ferryman?"
In a friendly manner, Siddhartha laughed. "A ferryman, yes. Many people, Govinda, have to change a lot, have to wear many a robe, I am one of those, my dear. Be welcome, Govinda, and spend the night in my hut."
Govinda stayed the night in the hut and slept on the bed which used to be Vasudeva's bed. Many questions he posed to the friend of his youth, many things Siddhartha had to tell him from his life.

戈文達
有一次，戈文達跟其他和尚一起到了名妓卡瑪拉送給戈塔馬弟子的林苑。他聽人說起有個老船伕，就住在離該地大約一天路程的河邊，很多人都認爲他是個聖賢。於是，戈文達繼續上路時就選擇了去渡口的路，渴望見到這個船伕。他雖然一輩子都是循規蹈矩地生活，也由於年高德劭而看到年輕和尚敬重，但是他心裏那種不安與探求並沒有熄滅。
他來到河邊，請求老人擺渡，然後在抵達對岸下船時對老人說：“你爲我們和尚和朝聖者做了很多好事，擺渡了我們很多人。船伕啊，你也是一個尋求正確路徑的探索者嗎？”
席特哈爾塔眼裏含着笑意說：“你自稱是個探索者，可敬的人，但是你顯然年事已高，怎麼還穿着戈塔馬弟子的衣服？”
“我確實老了，”戈文達說，“但是我並沒有停止探索。我永遠也不會停止探索，這看來是我的命運。我覺得你也探索過，你願意跟我說說嗎，可敬的人？”
席特哈爾塔說：“可敬的人呀，我該對你說什麼呢？也許是說你探索得太多了？還是說你雖然探索了卻並無所得？”
“怎麼呢？”戈文達問。
“一個人探索時，”席特哈爾塔說，“很容易眼睛只看他所尋找的事物，結果他什麼也找不到，什麼也吸收不了，因爲他總是隻想所找的東西，因爲他有一個目標，因爲他受這個目標支配。探索就意味着有一個目標。而發現則意味着自由自在，開放隨意，沒有目標。可敬的人呀，你也許在事實上是個探索者，因爲你努力追求你的目標，可是你卻看不見某些迫在眼前的東西。”
“我還沒完全聽明白，”戈文達請求道：“你到底是什麼意思？”
席特哈爾塔說：“哦，可敬的人呀，幾年前，你曾經到過這河邊一次，在河邊見到一個沉睡的人，你就坐在他身邊，守護他睡覺。可是，戈文達，你卻沒認出那個睡覺的人。”
那和尚驚訝得就像着了魔，瞪着船伕的眼睛。
“你是席特哈爾塔？”他聲音怯怯地問，“這一次我也沒有認出你！我衷心問候你，席特哈爾塔，很高興再一次見到你！你的樣子真是大變了，朋友。——現在你成船伕啦？”
席特哈爾塔親切地笑了。“一個船伕，對。戈文達，有些人就得大變樣，就得穿各種各樣的衣服，我就是他們當中的一個，親愛的，歡迎你，戈文達，你在我這茅屋裏過夜吧。”
戈文達當晚留在了茅屋裏，就睡在瓦蘇代瓦原來的牀鋪上。他向青年時代的好友提出了許多問題，席特哈爾塔給他講了自己生活中的許多事。