英語爆笑笑話短篇的文章閱讀
學習英語，閱讀真的很重要，多閱讀一些簡單的英語笑話也是提高英語閱讀能力的一種，下面本站小編在這裏整理了一些英語爆笑笑話，希望大家會喜歡這些英語笑話!
Teacher: Tom, why are you late for school every day?
Tom: Every time I come to the corner, a sign says, "School-Go Slow".
老師：湯姆，您爲什麼每天上學遲到?
湯姆：我每次路過拐角，一個路標上面寫着："學校----慢行。"
英語爆笑笑話篇二Mother: Why are you jumping up and down?
Tom: I've just taken some medicine and I forgot to shake the bottle.
媽媽：你爲什麼不停地跳上跳下的?
湯姆：我剛吃完藥，可我忘了先搖瓶子了
英語爆笑笑話篇三Tom: William has asked me for a loan of five pounds. Should I be doing right in lending it to him?
Jack: Certainly.
Tom: And why?
Jack: Because otherwise he would try to borrow it from me.
湯姆：威廉向我借五英鎊。我該不該借給他?
傑克：當然應該了。
湯姆：爲什麼?
傑克：否則他就該跟我借了。
英語爆笑笑話篇四Graveyard Scare
140.墓地驚魂
One dark night two guys were walking home after aparty and decided to take a shortcut through thecemetery.
一個漆黑的夜晚，兩個小夥子參加完聚會，決定抄近路穿過一片墳地走回家。
When they got to about the middle of the graveyard they were startled and stopped e was this terrifying noise, "TAP-TAP-TAP" coming from the shadows.
走到墳地的中間，從陰暗處傳出來恐怖的“嗒、嗒、嗒”聲音，嚇得他們再也走不動了。
Trembling with fear, they spotted an old man with a hammer and chisel, chipping away at oneof the headstones.
渾身顫抖着，他們發現有個老人正拿着榔頭和鑿子鑿一塊墓碑。
"Holy cow, Mister," one of them said after catching his breath.
“噢，主啊，”其中一個屏住呼吸說，
"You SCARED us half to death. We thought you were a GHOST! What are you doing workinghere so late at night?"
“你嚇死我們了，我們還以爲你是鬼了。這麼晚了你在這幹什麼呢?”
"Those fools!" the old man grumbled. "They misspelled my name!!"
“這些傻瓜!”老人抱怨說，“他們拼錯了我的名字!”
英語爆笑笑話篇五電子郵件
A man left for a vacation to Jamaica.
有個人去牙買加度假，
His wife was on a business trip and was planning tomeet him there the next day.
他的妻子正好出差，所以打算在他到之後的第二天去找他。
When he reached his hotel, he decided to send his wife a quick e-mail message.
他到了賓館，想要給妻子發封郵件，
Unable to find the scrap of paper on which he had written her e-mail address, he did his bestto type it in from memory.
但是記着郵箱的紙找不到了，於是他憑着記憶把信發到了一個郵箱。
Unfortunately, he missed one letter, and his note was directed instead to an elderly preacher'swife whose husband had passed away only the day before.
很不幸，他漏掉了一個字母，因此他的信發到了一個老傳教士的妻子的郵箱裏，而傳教士恰好在前一天去世了。
When the grieving widow checked her e-mail, she took one look at the monitor, let out apiercing scream, and fell to the floor dead.
悲痛的老婦人察看郵箱，看着顯示器屏幕她尖叫一聲，隨後就倒在地上死去了。
At the sound, her family rushed into the room and saw this note on the screen: "Dearest Wife,Just got checked in. Everything prepared for your arrival tomorrow.
聽到她的聲音，家人趕忙跑進她的房間，只見這樣一句話顯示在屏幕上：“親愛的，快來吧。爲了你明天的到來，一切都準備好了。愛你的丈夫。
Your Loving Husband. P.S. Sure is hot down here."
順便說一句，這裏可真夠熱的。”
>>>下一頁更多“搞笑英文短篇笑話閱讀”英語爆笑笑話篇六
酒後駕車
Late one night a police officer was patrolling a rowdybar to anticipate possible DUI violations.
一天深夜，一名警察去一個經常有人鬧事的酒吧門口巡邏，爲了避免有酒後駕車的情況發生。
At closing time, he saw a fellow tumble out of thebar, trip on the curb, and try his keys in five different cars before he found his.
酒吧打烊了，他看見一個傢伙跌跌撞撞的跑出來，一下摔在路邊，隨後又用鑰匙試着開了五輛車的門才找到他自己的車。
Then he sat in the front seat fumbling around with his keys for several minutes.
坐進車裏，好幾分鐘他又都是在摸着那些鑰匙。
Everyone else left the bar and drove off. Finally he started his engine and began to pull away.
這時人們都從酒吧出來並且開車走了。最後他也發動了車子準備開走，
The police officer was waiting for him and turned on his light and pulled the driver over, readhim his rights and administered the breathalyzer test.
警察已經等這個機會很久了，他打開燈，把司機從車裏拉出來，給他宣讀了他所享有的法定權利，然後作了酒精的測試。
The test results showed a reading of 0.00.
測試的結果是零，
The puzzled officer demanded to know how could that be.
於是困惑的警察問他是爲什麼，
The driver replied, "Tonight I'm the designated decoy!"
司機說：“今晚他們派我當誘餌。”
英語爆笑笑話篇七離事故有多遠?
A carpenter was giving evidence about an accidenthe had witnessed.
一位木匠正在爲他目擊的一起事故作證。
The judge asked him how far away he was from theaccident.
法官問他當時離事發現場有多遠。
The carpenter replied "twenty seven feet, six-and-one-half- inches".
木匠回答，“27英尺，6.5英寸”。
"What? How come you are so sure of that distance?" asked the judge.
法官問：“什麼?你怎麼能這樣確定?”
"Well, I knew some idiot would ask me. So I measured it!" replied the carpenter.
木匠回答，“是啊，我知道一定會有傻瓜問我這個問題，所以我事先測量了一下。”
英語爆笑笑話篇八Do you pay taxes?
你納稅了嗎?
A nervous taxpayer was unhappily conversing withthe IRS Tax auditorwho had come to review hisrecords.
一個神色緊張的納稅人正悶悶不樂地和前來查帳的國稅局的稅務審計員交談。
At one point the auditor exclaimed,"Mr. Carelton, we feel it is a great privilegeto be allowed tolive and work in the USA.
審計員一度大聲地說，“Carelton先生，我們認爲能在美國生活和工作是莫大的榮幸，
As a citizen you have an obligation to pay taxes,and we expect you to eagerly pay them with asmile"
而作爲一個美國公民，您也有納稅的義務。我們希望您能無比樂意地帶着微笑來納稅。”
"Thank goodness"returned Mr. Carelton, with a giant grin on his face,"I thought you were goingto want me to pay with cash."
“謝天謝地”，Carelton先生咧着嘴大笑地回答，“我還以爲你們是要我帶着錢來交稅呢!”
英語爆笑笑話篇九Car accident
交通事故
A man was driving to work when a truck ran a stopsign his car broadside, and knocked him cold.
有個人開車行駛在上班的路上，一輛卡車闖紅燈從側面撞上了他的車，當時他就不省人事了。
Passerbys pulled him from the wreck and revivedhim.
路旁的行人把他從車裏拉出來並喚醒他。
He began a terrific struggle and had to be tranquilized by the medics.
剛一醒過來，他就拼命的掙扎着，最後不得不用了藥物才讓他鎮靜下來。
Later, when he was calm, they asked him why he struggled so.
過了一會兒，他平靜了，別人問他爲什麼要這麼恐怖的掙扎，
He said, "I remember the impact, then nothing.
他說：“被撞之後我就什麼都不知道了，
I woke up on a concrete slab in front of a huge, flashing 'Shell' sign. And somebody wasstanding in front of the 'S.'
當我醒過來，我發現我躺在了路邊，前面是一個巨大的廣告牌上面閃爍着‘殼牌’，但是有個人擋住了那個s。”
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