英語下滑帶翻譯：Horrible Deaths
Three men were standing in line to get into heaven one day. Apparently it had been a pretty busy day, though, so St. Peter had to tell the first one, "Heaven's getting pretty close to full today, and I've been asked to admit only people who have had particularly horrible deaths. So what's your story?"
The first man replies: "Well, for a while I've suspected my wife has been cheating on me, so today I came home early to try to catch her red-handed. As I came into my 25th floor apartment, I could tell something was wrong, but all my searching around didn't reveal where this other guy could have been hiding. Finally, I went out to the balcony, and sure enough, there was this man hanging off the railing, 25 floors above ground! By now I was really mad, so I started beating on him and kicking him, but wouldn't you know it, he wouldn't fall off. So finally I went back into my apartment and got a hammer and starting hammering on his fingers. Of course, he couldn't stand that for long, so he let go and fell-but even after 25 stories, he fell into the bushes, stunned but okay. I couldn't stand it anymore, so I ran into the kitchen, grabbed the fridge, and threw it over the edge where it landed on him, killing him instantly. But all the stress and anger got to me, and I had a heart attack and died there on the balcony."
"That sounds like a pretty bad day to me," said Peter, and let the man in.
The second man comes up and Peter explains to him about heaven being full, and again asks for his story.
"It's been a very strange day. You see, I live on the 26th floor of my apartment building, and every morning I do my exercises out on my balcony. Well, this morning I must have slipped or something, because I fell over the edge. But I got lucky, and caught the railing of the balcony on the floor below me. I knew I couldn't hang on for very long, when suddenly this man burst out onto the balcony. I thought for sure I was saved, when he started beating on me and kicking me. I held on the best I could until he ran into the apartment and grabbed a hammer and started pounding on my hands. Finally I just let go, but again I got lucky and fell into the bushes below, stunned but all right. Just when I was thinking I was going to be okay, this refrigerator comes falling out of the sky and crushes me instantly, and now I'm here."
Once again, Peter had to concede that that sounded like a pretty horrible death.
The third man came to the front of the line, and again the whole process was repeated. Peter explained that heaven was full and asked for his story.
"Picture this," says the third man, "I'm hiding naked inside a refrigerator..."
某日，三個男人排隊等着進天堂。而顯然那一天天堂很忙，所以聖彼得走出來對第一個人說：“今天天堂快滿員了，我只能讓一個死的最可憐的人進去，來說說你是怎麼死的吧。”
第一個男人回答說：“這段時間以來我一直都懷疑我的老婆有了外遇，所以今天我就提早回家想要抓她個正着。我回到我位於25樓的公寓，我敢肯定有什麼地方不對，但任憑我把房子翻了個底兒朝天也找不到那個男人。終於，當我搜到陽臺的時候發現那個姦夫正吊在陽臺的欄杆上!我氣壞了，開始對他拳打腳踢，可你能相信嗎?他居然就是掉不下去!於是我又返回屋裏，拿了只錘子出來敲他的手。他終於掉下去了，但他居然只是掉進灌木叢，還是沒死!我再也忍受不了了，進屋把冰箱擡了出來、整個兒給他砸下去……他終於死了。而我呢，這時也因爲太過憤怒，心臟病發，也死在了陽臺上。”
“那聽起來是夠慘的。”聖彼得說，於是讓他進去了。
輪到第二個男人，聖彼得解釋了相同的事，要他說說自己的死亡原因。
“今天真是奇怪極了。看，我住26樓，每天早晨都在我的陽臺上鍛鍊。今天一早，也不知怎麼的，我踩滑了、掉下了樓。幸運的是，我及時抓住了25樓陽臺上的欄杆。我知道即便如此我也撐不了多久，而恰好一個男人走到了陽臺上來。我開心極了，想自己一定得救了。哪知道，他一過來就對我拳打腳踢、接着還進屋拿了一隻錘子砸我的手指。我終於掉下去了。但我掉進了灌木叢，也只是暈了一下而已。我正想着我應該沒事的，就看着從天而降一個冰箱，跟着我就到了這兒……”
聖彼得不得不承認這傢伙死的很慘，讓他進了天堂。
最後，終於輪到第三個男人了。聖彼得對他提出了相同的問題。
這個男人說：“看吧，我裸着身子、藏在冰箱裏……”
