女性英語笑話（雙語）
An imaginative wife 想象能力豐富的妻子
A woman had a desire to have her portrait painted, and her husband engaged the best artist he could find. During one of the sittings , the wife made a rather unusual request. She asked the artist to paint in diamond necklace, ear-rings and tiara, even though she wore no jewelry. The artist did as she told him but was puzzled. "Why did we add the gems?" he asked, as they looked at the finished product.
The wife said, "It is in case should die before my husband, I just know he'd remarry right away. Let his new wife look for the jewels."
一個婦女想讓人把自己的肖像畫出來，她丈夫就約請了最好的畫家。在畫坐姿畫像時，妻子提出了一個非比尋常的要求，她要求畫家畫上磚石項鍊、耳環和冠狀頭飾，即使她沒有戴。畫家照她說的做了，可是有點迷惑不解。當他們觀看這幅完成的作品時，他問：“爲什麼我們要畫上寶石呢?”
妻子說：“萬一我比我丈夫早死，我知道他馬上就會再婚。讓他那新婚妻子去找珠寶吧!”
Hurt all over 渾身都疼
A young woman went to her doctor complaining of pain.
"Where are you hurting?" asked the doctor.
"You have to help me, I hurt all over", said the woman.
"What do you mean, all over?" asked the doctor, "be a little more specific."
The woman touched her right knee with her index finger and yelled, "Own, that hurts." Then she touched her left cheek and again yelled, "Ouch! That hurts, too." Then she touched her right earlobe, "Own, even THAT hurts", she cried.
The doctor checked her thoughtfully for a moment and told her his diagnosis, "You have a broken finger."
一名女士到醫生那裏抱怨自己渾身疼痛。
“你哪裏疼啊?”醫生問道。
“你要幫幫我，我渾身都疼。” 女士說。
“渾身都疼，是什麼意思?你能不能具體一點?”醫生問道。
女士用她的食指摸了摸右膝蓋，喊道：“噢，這裏疼。”然後她又摸了摸自己的左臉頰，喊道：“噢，這裏也疼。”然後她又摸了摸自己的右耳垂，喊道：“就連這裏都是疼的。”
醫生爲女士做了詳細的檢查，然後告訴了該女士結果：“你的手指頭破了。”
A tasty meal 一頓美餐
A tourist in Africa sent his mother an exotic bird for her birthday. When he got back to the States, he called her. "Hi, Mom," he said. "How'd you like the bird I gave you?"
"It was delicious."
"You ate the bird!" the guy shrieked. "He was very expensive. He could talk!"
"Well, if he was so smart," replied the mother, "Why didn't he say something?"
一位在非洲旅行的旅客送給了他母親一隻奇特動人的鳥作爲生日禮物。他回到美國後，打電話問道：“媽，你好。你喜歡我送您的那隻鳥嗎?”
“太好吃了!”
“您把它吃了?”小夥子驚叫了起來。“那隻鳥可貴了，它還會說話呢?”
“噢，如果它照你說的那麼聰明的話，他爲什麼沒告訴我呀?”母親回答說。
