你不會聊天：10個常見的對話錯誤
“No man is an island.”
“沒有人是一座孤島。”
Indeed, people are relationship-driven creatures. We are present in this world in order to relate to others and establish a solid community. It goes without saying that we need to communicate with each other in order to fulfill this purpose, though.
的確，人類是人際關係型的生物。我們存在於這個世界，就是爲了和他人交往，並建立起一個可靠的羣體。而毫無疑問，我們需要彼此交流才能實現這個目標。
It is our responsibility to engage our colleagues in a nourishing and productive conversation. Through good communication, romantic relationships, business partnerships and even product selling have all been implemented. Good communication skills are the foundation of a long-lasting relationship. How can you develop them? You can start by omitting these ten most common mistakes in a conversation from your communication bank:
我們有責任把我們的同伴吸引到一場內容豐富且富有成效的對話中來。通過好的交流，我們可以確立戀愛關係，建立商務合作，甚至可以推銷產品。好的交流技巧是一段長期持久的關係的基礎。那你應該如何培養這種技巧呢？我們可以首先把這10個聊天中常犯的錯誤清除掉。
1. Do you speak quickly?
你的語速是否過快？
You’re in a brand new situation with a person you’ve just met, so it’s understandable that you became nervous. Since you didn’t have enough time to compose yourself, you blabbered and spoke too much and too fast. Because of this, the person you’re talking to wasn’t able to understand any word you’ve said.
你面對的是一個剛剛認識的人，這是一種全新的場面，所以你感覺緊張也是可以理解的。因爲你沒有足夠的時間來組織語言，你開始喋喋不休，說話太多而且太快。這樣，跟你交談的人就沒有辦法理解你所說的任何一個字。
Solution: Nervousness brings about the common mistakes in a conversation, so to combat this, just breathe deeply and smile. Assume that the person you’re talking to is interested in what you have to say. Put some pauses in your statements.
解決辦法：緊張會讓我們在聊天中常常犯錯，爲了克服這一點，請深呼吸，並且微笑。假設和你聊天的這個人對你所說的內容很感興趣。在講話當中加入一些停頓。
2. Do you ask too many questions?
你的問題是否太多？
The conversation sounds like a police interrogation with you asking too many questions and your partner scrambles to answer all of them. As a result, connection is made and no relationship is built.
如果你問的問題太多，而和你聊天的人倉促作答，這種聊天聽上去就好像警察在審問。結果是你們雖然在聊天，但沒有建立起任何關係。
Solution: Follow this structure:
解決辦法：按照這個結構來：
a. Ask a general question.
問一個一般性的問題。
b. Consider his answer.
考慮他的回答。
c. Give feedback about his answer and then answer the question you’ve asked.
針對他的回答做出迴應，然後回答你提出的這個問題。
d. Wait for him to respond. If he replies with a question, good. If he replies with a statement, repeat what he said and wait for him to elaborate.
等待他的迴應。如果他用一個問題作爲迴應，很好。如果他用一段陳述作爲迴應，重複他所說的，然後等待他詳細解釋。
3. Are your statements scripted?
你講話是不是像念稿子？
You’re going to make a sale, so you memorized your company’s sales script, even though your conversation partner isn’t really reacting based on what you’ve memorized. Confusion arises.
你要去推銷某樣東西，所以你背下了公司的銷售文稿，儘管聽你講話的人對你所說的並沒有做出真正的迴應。你會感到很困惑。
Solution: Focus on building trust first. You can never seal a deal if your prospect doesn’t really trust you.
解決辦法：首先專注於建立信任。如果你的客戶不能真正信任你，你不可能賣出任何東西。
4. Do you hog the spotlight?
你是否霸佔了聊天的焦點？
You walk way too much: about yourself, your job, your dreams and frustrations. Pretty soon, the person you’re talking too feels like he just attended a whole-day seminar about you.
你講了太多東西，關於你自己、你的工作、你的夢想和困惑。很快，和你聊天的人就會感覺他好像只是來出席了一場關於你的全天候講座。
Solution: Ask for your partner’s opinion.
解決辦法： 詢問夥伴的意見。
- “My favorite topic is about personal finance. How about you?”
比如“我最愛的話題是關於個人財務。你呢？”
5. Is your objective missing?
你是否失去了談話的目標？
You discuss bland topics and end the conversation with no real outcome. Were you supposed to build trust? Preempt a sale? Invite a prospect? No-one knows!
你討論的話題寡淡無趣，最後聊天結束了也沒有真正的結果。你是否本來計劃着建立信任？搞定一單買賣？邀請一位朋友？結果沒有人知道。
Solution: Adult communication isn’t superficial—it exists to fulfill a purpose. What type of purpose? Define this first before entering a conversation.
解決辦法：成年人的交流並不是膚淺的，而是爲了實現一項目標。什麼類型的目標呢？在開始聊天之前就要確定這一點。6. Do you have to be right all the time?
你是否任何時候都必須是正確的？
Every conversation seems like a battlefield to you. You have to make everyone agree with what you have to say, so you never back down. You’re always right, right?
每一場聊天對你來說都如同戰場。你要讓每個人都同意你所說的，所以你從來不會讓步。你總是對的，是嗎？
Solution: Accept the fact that everyone is entitled to his own opinions. You don’t need to force them into agreeing with you—they’ll just choose to walk away from you instead. Arrogance causes some of these common mistakes in a conversation to happen. Stay humble.
解決辦法：每個人都有權有自己的觀點，要接受這個事實。你沒有必要強迫他人同意你，否則他們會選擇遠離你。自大會讓你在聊天中犯這種常見的錯誤，要謙虛。
7. Do you talk about awkward topics with a person you barely know?
你是否和一個你不怎麼了解的人談論尷尬的話題？
“Hey, I just met you, but listen to me talk about my past relationships, my nagging digestive problems and my balding hair.”
“嗨，我們剛認識，不過聽我來聊聊我之前的戀情，我討厭的消化問題還有我的禿頭吧。”
Solution: Stay away from topics involving religion, sex, politics and negativity, especially when you’ve just become acquainted with someone. Focus on safe topics such as hobbies, common interests and the topic of the conference you’re in.
解決辦法：遠離那些涉及到宗教、性、政治和消極性的話題，尤其是你剛剛認識某人的時候。專注於那些安全的話題，比如愛好、共同興趣，以及你參加過的會議議題。
8. Are you really listening?
你是否真的在傾聽？
You’re really just waiting for the other person to stop talking so that you can get your turn. Ha, you’re going to wow them with your speaking skills—who cares what they say?
你其實只是在等待對方結束講話，這樣就輪到你講了。是呀，你會用你的講話技巧讓他們大爲讚賞，誰在乎他們在說什麼呢？
Solution: Put your pride on hold and really hear what your talking partner is telling you. Learn to read between the lines. Observe his body language. Avoid asking “yes or no” questions and probe deeper instead. You’re there to listen, not to merely hear.
解決辦法：收起你的驕傲，真正去傾聽對方對你說的話。學會解讀,觀察他的肢體語言，避免問用是或否來回答的問題，而是更深的探索。你是來傾聽的，而不只是聽見。
9. Are you rude to the person you’re talking to?
你是否對待和你聊天的人很粗魯？
You think you’re better than your talking partner so you don’t think about respecting their opinions. Sure, you use polite language and you mind your manners, but your words offend and your attitude challenges them.
你認爲你比和你聊天的人要更棒，所以你不去尊重他們的觀點。當然，你用語禮貌，舉止文明，但你的話語冒犯了他們，你的態度是在挑釁。
Solution: How you communicate is better than what you communicate. Before you aim to communicate, aim to respect first.
解決辦法：你溝通的方式比你溝通的內容更重要。你在想要溝通之前，要先學會尊重。
10. Is your body language driving them away?
你的肢體語言是否把他人趕跑了？
You would like to start communicating with people but no one seems to want to talk to you. Why? Your arms are crossed, you’re slouching and your eyebrows are furrowed—that’s why.
你想要和他人開始聊天，但好像沒有人願意和你聊。爲什麼？你抱着雙臂，無精打采，眉頭緊皺——這就是原因。
Solution: unication is all about openness and community. Look at people in the eye. Smile more. Stand up straight. You got this.
解決辦法：放鬆。交流是關於坦率和羣體的活動。眼睛看着對方，多一些微笑，站直。你就做到了。
