好朋友壞朋友：6招識破“自私”的朋友

If you like self-torture, then find and keep selfish friends around you. In fact, if you love wasting a ton of time, if you’re looking for the biggest source of social demotivation and remorse, then stick with selfish friends. Having them is like pouring love and emotional investment in a black hole and expecting it to love you back.
要是你喜歡自虐，那就跟自私自利的人爲伍吧。要是你寧願浪費大把時間、寧願扎進消極悲觀與自悲自嘆的人堆裏，那麼跟這些人做朋友就好比把愛心與感情無節制地投進一個黑洞，卻又期望對方能給予你同樣的回報。

If you want to live a great social life, then stay away from these folks. The hardest thing about them is that they know how to hide themselves in nice and interesting personalities. This article is about to show you how to spot them before you invest yourself in friendships that will hurt and disappoint you. Here are the six signs you’re dealing with a take-all selfish friend…
如果你希望自己的生活積極向上，那就請遠離消極的人。最難的是，這些人懂得如何將自己僞裝得善良而風趣。所以，這篇文章就告訴你如何識別這種人，以免自己跟他們做了朋友後反倒落得失望與受傷。

Sign 1 – They Think They Deserve Special Treatment
特徵1：他們自認爲理應受到特殊禮遇

The selfish friend, the one you don’t wanna get involved with, thinks he or she is special. They think that they deserve to be treated in a special way, and will ask for favors, big and small, even if you’re just starting to get to know them.
那種你不想與之有任何瓜葛的自私朋友，總覺得自己是與衆不同的。他們總認爲自己理應受到特殊對待，總是要你提供或大或小的幫助——哪怕你才認識他們。

Sign 2 – For Him, You’re A Detail
特徵2：你在他心裏根本不算什麼

After you do him a favor, the selfish friend barely says thank you, and if he does, it doesn’t sound sincere. Try and ask him for a favor, though, and see him brush it off and never follow through with it. He or she can give you an evasive answer like “ok, I’ll call you later about this”, but it never happens. Sometimes, they just act like you never asked for anything.
就算你幫了他，自私的朋友也很少感謝你；就算他說了謝謝，聽上去也不是發自肺腑。你可以試着請他幫忙，他肯定會支支吾吾不付諸行動。或許他/她會含糊不清地跟你說：“好的，等我有空打電話給你再說吧。” 但其實他/她壓根兒不會打電話給你。有時候，他們裝得像模像樣，就好像你從來沒提過請他們幫忙一樣。

Sign 3 – Shady Plans
特徵3：不靠譜的計劃

The selfish person can cancel a meeting with you at the last minute, giving you fake excuses, and rarely saying “I’m sorry”, because he thinks he’s too special to apologies When you suggest that you meet with him, he carefully thinks of all the other choices he has, and if he has nothing “better” to do, he’ll meet you. He usually calls when he’s bored and has no other plans.
自私的人會在最後一秒放你鴿子，然後找出各種堂皇的藉口，卻很少真心說一句“抱歉”。因爲在他看來，他很特殊，沒必要跟你說抱歉。如果你提出跟他見面，他會仔細想想自己是否還有其他選擇，如果沒有“更好”的事情可做，他纔會考慮答應你。他打電話給你通常只是因爲自己無聊到了極點。

The selfish person decides where he wants to go, then finds people to go with him. That’s fine, but, he’ll suggest it to many people, and it seems that it doesn’t matter to him who goes with him. In other words, he hangs out with you to avoid being alone, not because he likes you.
自私的人總是決定自己想去的地方，然後再找人一起陪他。這原本無可厚非，但他會表現得讓很多人以爲，其實他根本不在乎誰來陪他。換句話說，他選擇跟你在一起並不是因爲他喜歡你，而只是因爲他自己不想一個人罷了。Sign 4 – You Never Meet His Friends
特徵4：他從不讓你進入他的朋友圈

The selfish person talks about his other friends but never introduces you to any of them and always comes alone. He gives you the impression of knowing lots of people, but when you listen to the stories he tells, you find out that it’s all superficial. He’s always hanging out with people he barely knows, and you rarely find him with close buddies, but you always hear him talk about the relationships he has with powerful people, it never ends.
自私的人總向你談起他的其他朋友，但卻又總是單獨見你，從不將你介紹給他的朋友們。他在你面前表現得好像認識很多很多人，但當你仔細聽他所說的話時，會發現其實都只是泛泛之交。他總是跟自己不甚瞭解的人交往，沒什麼真心朋友。但他還是會樂此不疲地談論着自己跟某些大人物如何如何。

If you want to laugh, ask him if he could introduce you to so and so: He’ll give you the stupidest excuses why that can’t happen “now”, but maybe a “little bit later.” It actually never happens, but it’s funny to see him try to evade your request.
要是你不相信，可以試着問他能否將你介紹給他的朋友——然後他會給出各種好笑的理由，說什麼“現在還不行，以後再說吧”。其實根本就沒有“以後”，只是他這麼慌不擇路地躲閃言辭實在很可笑。

Sign 5 – To Him, You’re Boring
特徵5：在他看來，你很無聊

He never takes the time to understand what’s special or interesting about you. To him, conversation is just a means of gaining more power. He sure looks like he’s listening, but in reality, he’s just waiting for you to shut up so he can take control of the conversation, again. For example, when you say stuff like “Oh! Hey, you know what I just read in USA Today,… etc,” he says stuff like “Yea, of course!”, or “I know that but, here’s what’s really interesting…” With sentences like that, he just downplays anything you say as banal, and common knowledge.
他從不用心瞭解你這人哪裏特別或有趣。對他來說，談話只是獲得更多權力的一種手段。當然，看上去他確實在聽，但骨子裏卻是在等你說完後他自己好再次掌控整個談話。舉個例子，當你說“哎，你知道嗎，我剛在《今日美國》上看到……”，他會說“哦，是嗎！”或“我也看到了，但還有比這個更有意思的……”等諸如此類的話。他總是輕描淡寫把你講的話貶得乏味而尋常。

This will even happen if you talk about a brand new science discovery. If you want to test them, tell them about a new scientific study, and give him the results in reverse. If he says “I know…”, then you’re dealing with a sucker.
哪怕你說的是最新科學發現，他也能在話頭上壓制你。要是你想看他到底是不是這種人，完全可以選個最新的科學研究，然後故意先說個錯誤的結論，要是他說“是啊，我知道啊……”，那證明他的確是個不折不扣的僞君子。

Sign 6 – He Covers His “Black Hole” Personality
特徵6：他很會隱藏自己的“陰暗”性格。

The selfish person knows that if he acts like himself right away, he would nevermake friends. Instead, he starts by acting like a very polite cordial person. At first, he’s interested in getting to know you, and listens carefully to you. Then, he gradually starts to withdraw, and only shows up when he needs something.
自私的人很清楚，要是言行舉止任由自己的性子，他很難交到朋友。所以，他會表現得非常友好熱情。一開始，他很願意瞭解你、很用心地聽你說話。然後，他的熱情就會慢慢變淡，只會在需要你時纔出現。

He usually brings lots of conversation to the table, and always has something to say. He does that to imply an open minded, interesting, and interested personality, but you can sense that he’s not really interested in any of those subjects; he just uses them as a cover for an empty take-everything-I-can personality. It’s like a black hole—you can’t expect to get love from a person who can only take.
這種人通常談資甚廣，任何話題都能插上兩句。他這麼做是爲了表現得性格開放風趣，但你卻能感覺到他其實並不是真的喜歡談話話題，反倒顯得是對他那“假大空”性格的欲蓋彌彰罷了。這就像一個“黑洞”——只進不出，你不可能從這種人身上得到任何真心回饋的。

BONUS-TIP – The Most Dangerous Trick In His Bag
附加建議：自私之人最“腹黑”的伎倆

The most dangerous trick in the selfish person’s bag is the confusion he tries to create in your mind. He tries to get you to doubt your value as a friend. He wants you to think you’re not cool enough, and need to try harder. This is a pseudo-rejection that the selfish person gives you in small doses.
自私之人最“腹黑”的伎倆就是，他會竭力擾亂你的思維、給你造成困惑。他使你質疑自己作爲朋友的意義，使你覺得自己不夠出色、需要再付出一點。自私的人總是一點一點向你灌輸這種假象的自我質疑的思維。

My advice to you is to never fall for this. As you start to detect the selfish signs, move on, and find a giving person; someone who is willing to invest some of their time to make new friends. Cut the suckers out—they do more harm than good.
我奉勸你千萬別上當。當你識破自私的特徵時，就請邁步向前，交一些真心願意花時間跟你做朋友的人吧。把自私的人拉進黑名單——這種人百害無一益。