爬樓梯還是坐電梯大綱
As a child I lived in a narrow house with five floors. Half my youth was spent running up and down the staircase and I have been a devoted stair-climber ever since.
孩提時代，我曾住在一棟五層樓高的狹窄樓房中。我的青春期有一半是在樓梯間裏的上上下下中度過的，自那以來我就一直是一位忠實的爬樓梯人士。The only place where I never take the stairs – unless I’m going only one floor – is in the office. You could say this is because I’m too busy climbing a virtual ladder to have any strength left for an actual one, but actually it is because the long hours sitting still in front of a screen sap my desire to expend any energy at all.
除非去的地方只有一層樓，否則我唯一從來不走樓梯的場所是在辦公室。你可能會說，這是因爲我忙着攀登職場的虛擬階梯，沒精力爬現實中的樓梯了。然而實際上這是因爲屏幕前長時間的靜坐，耗盡了我動用任何能量的慾望。Yet a couple of weeks ago, encouraged by a friend, I started walking up the 80 stairs to the office canteen, making the journey several times a day in search of coffee, Maltesers and Diet Cokes.
然而幾周前，在一位朋友的鼓勵下，我開始爬80級樓梯去辦公樓餐廳。我每天會這麼爬幾趟，去找點咖啡、麥提莎(Maltesers)巧克力和健怡可樂(Diet Cokes)之類的東西。
I have been rewarded for this in various ways. First, it is usually quicker: 55 seconds compared with about 70 in the lift, assuming a couple of stops on the way. Second, it leaves you feeling agreeably smug. Third, it is a less stressful way of having chance encounters with colleagues. In the lift you are forced into a strained exchange, while on the stairs you smile and keep moving. Most important of all, it drags you out of your torpor.
這麼做在好幾個方面對我大有裨益。首先，這通常要快一些：爬一趟要55秒，而坐電梯需要大約70秒——假定半路上會停幾次的話。其次，這麼做能令我體會到一種愉快的得意。第三，這是一種壓力較小的偶遇同事的方式。在電梯裏，一旦與同事相遇，你就不得不和他勉強交流幾句，而在樓梯上你只需要微笑一下，而不必停下腳步。最重要的是，爬樓梯可以令你擺脫那種懶洋洋的狀態。Here, at last, is something that is good for you but that has none of the drawbacks of most healthy things. It doesn’t taste bad, or require special clothing; it isn’t inconvenient, expensive or boring; and it doesn’t require any skill or courage.
最後一點是，爬樓梯對你很有好處，卻沒有多數有益健康的事物具有的缺點。它沒有難吃的味道，也不需要專門着裝；它沒有任何不便之處，也不花錢，又不無聊；而且它對技能和勇氣都沒有要求。Yet despite these impressive advantages, stairs in offices are usually empty of walkers. Instead, they are mainly used as a hiding place, a corporate equivalent of going behind the bike shed, a place for phoning your bank, shouting at your builder or exchanging top-secret gossip.
然而，儘管爬樓梯有種種明顯的好處，辦公樓裏的樓梯間卻通常空無行人。相反，樓梯間主要被用做一種隱祕場所，白領們躲到樓梯間，就像中學生躲到自行車棚後面抽菸，樓梯間成了給銀行打電話、朝裝修工人大喊大叫、或交流頂級祕密八卦的絕佳場所。Last week an initiative backed by the UK government was launched, designed to get everyone taking to the stairs. On its website are posters that can be downloaded telling staff how many calories they would burn if they avoided the lift, as well as a phone app that makes stair-climbing into a kind of computer game.
上星期，在英國政府的支持下，有人發起了一項運動，目的是讓每個人都使用樓梯。該運動的網站上有各種可供下載的海報，它們告訴員工，如果他們不坐電梯的話，會燃燒多少卡路里的熱量。另外，網站上還有一個手機應用，把爬樓梯做成了一種電腦遊戲。Even as an evangelical convert to office stair-walking, I’m not so sure. For a start the name – StepJockey – is all wrong. A jockey is someone who rides, while the point about a stair-walker is that they do not. And it is far too gimmicky for something as simple as getting from one floor to another in the way that God, surely, intended.
儘管我已迴歸辦公室爬樓梯族，對該運動卻心中存疑。首先，運動的名字“拾級騎師(StepJockey)”就完全不恰當。“騎師”是騎着馬的，而對於爬樓梯的人來說，問題就在於他們可沒有騎馬。另外，以爬樓梯這種無疑十分天然的方式從一層到達另一層，是一種再簡單不過的活動，冠以這種名稱太過花哨。Worse, the point about calories saved is hardly compelling. I climb four floors to the canteen (15 calories burned) in order to buy a latte (200 calories) and Maltesers (180 calories). The numbers are so depressing, it is best not to think of them at all. And as for an app that will gamify stair- climbing – I can’t imagine how that could ever catch on. (Though my record here is not perfect: the first time I saw a text message I thought that wouldn’t catch on, either.)
更糟的是，所謂燒掉多少卡路里的宣傳沒什麼說服力。我爬了四層樓到餐廳，燒掉了15卡路里的熱量，目的卻是購買一杯200卡路里的拿鐵咖啡和180卡路里的麥提莎巧克力。這些數字如此令人鬱悶，所以最好是根本不要想它們。至於那個把爬樓梯變成遊戲的應用，我無法想象它怎麼可能流行起來。（不過我對預測流行趨勢不太在行：當初第一次見到手機短信時，我也曾認爲它流行不起來。）More fundamentally, it is not clear that companies ought to be telling us how to get from one floor to another. I’m mildly opposed to my HR department becoming my nanny, though that is mainly because I don’t trust it to do the job well. If I thought it would be as good as Mary Poppins (who solved the stair problem by sliding up the banister) I would cheerfully give myself over. But as I don’t, I would rather look after myself.
更爲根本的是，是否應由公司告訴我們如何上樓，還無定論。我有點反對人事部門當我的保姆，不過這主要是因爲我不相信他們能當好保姆。如果我覺得他們能做得像瑪麗?波平斯(Mary Poppins)那樣好（她解決爬樓梯問題的方式是沿着扶手滑上去），我會很高興地任由他們擺佈。不過既然我沒這麼認爲，我還是更願意自己照顧自己。However, last week I took it upon myself to play nanny to my colleagues and downloaded the posters and stuck them with Blu-Tack by every lift. I lay in wait as two young men read the poster – which claimed that seven times more calories were burned by taking the stairs than the lift. One started to argue that the figure was far too low – and was still objecting as the lift doors closed behind him.
不過，上星期我自作主張客串了一把同事們的保姆，我下載了那些海報，用寶貼膠把它們貼在每部電梯旁邊。隨後，我埋伏在一旁，看到兩位年輕人閱讀了海報——海報宣傳說爬樓梯消耗的卡路里是坐電梯的7倍。其中一位年輕人看到海報就開始爭辯這個數字太低了——而直到電梯門在他身後關閉的那一刻，他依然在反駁着。By the afternoon, however, I fancied that the stairs were possibly getting a little more crowded. There were two men going up together, one taking the steps two at a time and talking as he did so. Clearly there are real power games to be played on the stairs – as well as electronic ones.
不過，到下午我驚奇地發現樓梯間裏的人可能真的多了一些。有兩位男士一同上樓，其中一位一邊說着話，一邊一步兩級地向上走着。顯然，一些真正的權力遊戲即將在樓梯間上演——還有電子遊戲。Alas, by the end of the day some bigger nanny than me had decided he or she knew best and had taken most of my posters down. Which maybe doesn’t matter as they were a bit feeble anyway. If companies really want to get people using the stairs, something stronger than nannying is called for – like putting half the lifts out of service, forcing the able-bodied to walk.
可惜，那天結束時，某位比我更“保姆”的人士斷定自己對一切最爲了解，於是這位先生或女士撤掉了多數海報。這大概也沒什麼，反正不管怎麼說這些海報效果不大。如果公司真的想讓人們爬樓梯，建議他們採取比保姆式做法更強硬些的手段——比如停運半數電梯，從而迫使身強力壯的人們爬樓梯。The only adjustment then needed would be to find another bike shed to hide behind. Almost anywhere would be better: the stairwell is a natural auditorium, so that top gossip and angry rants to the plumber can be heard several floors away.
如果真的如此，那麼人們唯一需要做出的改變是，找到另一個可供藏身的“自行車棚”。幾乎任何地方都比樓梯間合適：樓梯間可是個天然報告廳，那些頂級八卦和對管道工人的憤怒咆哮上下幾層樓都能聽見。
