爭吵時千萬別說這些話

1. "You never..." or "You always..."

1. "你從來不……"或"你總是……"

"These all-or-nothing phrases are typically exaggerations and used to illustrate a point or elicit an emotional response. However, these statements are often inaccurate (e.g., 'You never listen to me!') and can set your partner up to become defensive. As a result, they'll likely miss the true message of what you are trying to say and will instead focus on proving you wrong, leading to a circular conversation or argument that goes nowhere.

"這種要麼全有要麼全無的話語通常都是誇張說法，用來說明一個觀點或爆發情緒。然而，這些說法通常都是不準確的（比如'你從來不聽我說話！'），也會讓另一半變得有防禦性。因此，他們很有可能錯過你想要表達的真正信息，而將注意力集中至證明你是錯的，從而導致對話不斷的循環，或者你們的爭論毫無進展。"

"Instead, be specific and objective about what is bothering you, use an 'I' statement, and stick to the facts. For example, 'I felt hurt and disregarded yesterday when I asked you to pick up your things before our company arrived and you didn't. Next time we have guests, I'd really appreciate the help.'"

"相反，你應該明確的、客觀的說清楚困擾你的事情，用我作爲主語，堅持陳述事實。比如，'昨天客人來之前，我讓你幫我拿一下東西，但你卻沒有這麼做，我很難過，感覺被忽視了。希望下一次客人來的時候，你能幫我這個忙，我真的很感激你能這麼做。'"

2. "You're acting just like your mother."

2. "你現在的行爲和你媽一樣！"

"Or brother, crazy best friend or drunk uncle, etc. This move dismisses whatever issue is on the table and goes straight for character assassination. The strategy here: If you're losing the argument, kill your opponent. Yes, you may well act like your mother, but that's not the point."

"或者是兄弟、瘋癲的死黨、喝醉的叔叔等。這句話會讓你們撇開正在爭論的事，直接就是人身攻擊啊。策略：如果快吵輸了，那就'殺'了對手吧。是的，你的行爲舉止可能和你媽媽很像，但這根本不是重點好嘛。"

3. "I'll talk to you when you can be rational."

3. "等你恢復理智，我再和你說話。"

"This is hardly a rational statement. It's meant to inflict emotional injury rather than ask for a timeout. When arguments get heated, a timeout to let the cortisol and adrenaline settle (for about 20 minutes) is a good idea. Identify the chemical cause: 'We're getting too elevated -- I know I am. It's that damn cortisol and adrenaline! Let's take 20 minutes so we can talk respectfully like we want and deserve.'"

"這句話本身就不理智，會造成情緒上的傷害，而不是要求暫停吵架。當你們越吵越激烈時，暫停爭吵會讓皮質醇和腎上腺素恢復正常水平（大概20分鐘），所以暫停是個好主意。確定化學因素：'我們吵得太兇的'--至少我是這樣的。都怪那該死的皮質醇和腎上腺素！咱先休息20分鐘，然後再在尊重彼此的情況下討論吧。"

4. "We're done! I'm out of here!"

4. "我們結束了！我要離開這兒！"

"Words do matter. Avoid saying things you'll regret later. Threatening abandonment is probably the most hurtful thing you can say or do to your partner, especially if you really don't mean it. It's one thing to want to take a breather, get some space and cool down. It's another to basically say, 'I don't love you anymore and am leaving.'"

"言辭真的很重要。不要說讓自己後悔的話。威脅離他/她而去也許是最令另一半受傷的事，尤其當你本意並非如此的時候更是如此。先休息一下、給彼此一點空間冷靜是一件事，但是說'我不再愛你了，我要離開你'又是另一件事。"