生完孩子後如何不恨自己的丈夫?

1. Sit down and divvy up your household chores. It's boring, I know. Pour some wine if you have to. But it's crucial to clearly divide all aspects of housework and child care. As one marriage counselor after another told me, fights arise when your roles are not clear.

1. 坐下來好好分攤家務。我知道，這個過程很無趣。必要的話就倒杯酒吧。但在家務活和照顧孩子方面，明確分工至關重要。很多婚姻諮詢師都這樣告訴我：角色分工不明確就會引起衝突。

If not, you'll be amazed at how apoplectic you get about whose turn it is to sterilize the bottles. When our daughter was a few weeks old, Tom and I almost came to blows one Saturday morning over who deserved to sleep in more (I won that particular argument with "I was up last night three times, and P.S., I carried her for nine months.") We could have saved a lot of bickering with a formula we hit upon years later: One of us sleeps in Saturday, the other Sunday. Done. Clear.

如若不然，你會驚訝的發現自己對輪到誰給奶瓶消毒這件事深惡痛絕。在我們的女兒剛出生幾周的時候，在一個週六的早晨，我和湯姆差點因爲誰該多睡一會兒而大打出手（我贏了，因爲我拿出了制勝法寶"昨天是我熬的夜，況且我還懷胎九月呢。"）要是當時我們也能像幾年後那麼做：一個人在週六睡懶覺，另一個人在週日睡懶覺，那就可以避免這些爭吵了。問題不就解決了嘛，簡單明瞭！

2. Don't shut your partner out. I would get upset with Tom when he wouldn't help me with the baby, but then I read up on something called "maternal gatekeeping," in which mothers can open up the gate to encourage Dad's participation or clang it firmly shut. This behavior can range from making all baby-related decisions without consulting him, to criticizing how he dresses the baby ("Hello, where's his sweater? Do you want him to catch a cold?"). This sets up a bad dynamic where the mother takes over completely, and he becomes more and more uncertain of his abilities. I made sure to ease up on the controlling and include Tom whenever possible. If he feeds our child dinner and doesn't include a vegetable, the kid will survive.

2. 不要排除另一半。當湯姆不幫我照顧寶寶時，我會很難過，但之後我讀到了關於"母性守門員"的文章，文中說道母親可以敞開大門、鼓勵父親參與，或是重重地關上這扇門。這一行爲涵蓋很廣，包括不過問父親，就做出與寶寶相關的一切決定、批評他給寶寶穿錯了衣服（"喂，他的毛衣你沒給他穿嗎？你想讓他凍感冒嗎？"）。這樣就會營造一種不好的氛圍：母親掌控一切，而父親越來越不確定自己的能力。我會確保自己減少控制慾，只要可以，就會讓湯姆和寶寶互動。如果他給寶寶餵了晚飯，而且沒喂蔬菜，那寶寶就能平安長大。

3. Just do it. When you're deranged from lack of sleep and your boobs are leaking, often the last thing on your mind is sex. When our baby was first born, we fell into a depressing cycle of Tom hitting on me and me cruely shutting him down. I could have avoided a lot of bruised feelings by simply telling him that sex was off the table for the first six weeks.

3. 勇敢去做。當你因睡眠不足、漏奶而煩惱時，你最不想做的事情就是啪啪啪了。寶寶剛降臨人世時，我們陷入了令人沮喪的死循環，當時湯姆向我暗示，而我殘忍的拒絕了他。如果我當時告訴他生完寶寶前六週不能發生關係，那他就不會那麼受傷了。