I LIVE ENTIRELY IN MY MUSIC—BEETHOVEN ing-bottom: 135.88%;"> Beethoven probably began to go deaf after what he called his ‘terrible typhus’ of 1797, but he tried to keep it a secret, while consulting doctors and trying various remedies, such as the application of almond oil. He was extremely anxious about its possible effect on his career as a musician, and embarrassed by its effect on his social life. In the summer of 1801 he wrote to tow friends. To Franz Wegeler in Bonn he wrote that he was very busy, with more commissions than he could cope with，and publishers competing to get hold of his latest works, but he was worried about his health, and particularly about his gradual loss of hearing. He had been leading a miserable life for the previous two years because of his deafness, and had avoided human company because he found it hard to tell people that he was deaf. He would always say, “I live entirely in my music.” Two days later he wrote to Karl Amenda, a more recent friend. On the same lines, expressing the anxiety that his best years would pass “without my being able to achieve all that my talent and my strength have commanded me to do.” His fear that his deafness would prevent him from realizing his artistic potential led him to contemplate taking his own artistic life, but in the so-called ‘Heiligenstadt Testament’, addressed to his brothers and found among his papers after his death, which he wrote in the depths of despair in October 1802, he said that he had rejected suicide, and was resigned to his condition. He explained that his deafness was the reason why he had been withdrawing from people’s company, because he found it so humiliating not being able to hear, but he did not want to tell people about it. Although tempted to kill himself, “the only thing that held me back was my art. For indeed it seemed to me impossible to leave this world before I had produced all the works that I felt the urge to compose.” During the summer of 1802 he had spent six months in Heiligenstadt, thirteen miles outside Vienna, on the advice of one of his doctors who thought that his hearing might improve in the peace and quiet away from Vienna. But his pupil, Ferdinand Ries (son of the leader of the Bonn court orchestra) visited him in the summer, and during a walk in the summer, and during a walk in the woods pointed out o fan elder twig. Beethoven could not hear it, and this made him very morose , As the winter approached he realized that his hearing was no better, and that it was likely to get worse, and he might end up totally deaf. It could be argued that Beethoven’s deafness helped the development of his art: isolated from the world, and unable to perform, he could devote all his time to composing, He was already composing less at the piano, and the first of his bound sketchbooks, in which he made detailed drafts of the works in progress. Date from 1798. In his panic, at the beginning, Beethoven may have believed himself to be deaf. He suffered from tinnitus ( humming and buzzing in the ears), and loud noises caused him pain. In 1804 his friend Stephan von Breuning, with whom he briefly shared lodgings, wrote to Franz Wegler about the terrible effect his gradual loss of hearing was having on Beethoven: it had caused him to distrust his friends, and he was becoming very difficult to be with. But Beethoven did not start using an ear trumpet until 1814. But above all else, Beethoven was dedicated to his art and the urge to compose remained with him throughout his life. It may be that he shielded away form the commitment of marriage because he knew it would interfere with his art. From a very early age he wanted to compose and, although he needed to earn a living, he wrote ‘I love my art too dearly to be activated solely by self-interest.’ 貝多芬開始失聰大概是在1797年，在染上他稱爲“可怕的斑疹傷寒”後，但他想盡量保密，同時去看醫生並試了各種療法，如使用杏仁油。作爲一名音樂家，這對他的事業所可能產生的影響使他感到極度憂慮，同時這對他社會生活的影響郵局是令他十分難堪的。 1801年夏他致信給兩位朋友。在給波恩的弗朗茨·韋格勒的信中他說他很忙，創作疲於應付，出版商爭着要得到他的新作，但是他擔心自己的身體，特別是擔心聽覺漸漸在喪失。在前兩年由於他的失聰，生活開始變得痛苦，同時他避免與他人在一起，因爲他不願告訴別人他聾了。他常常說，“我完全沉醉在音樂中。” 兩天後他寫信給卡爾·阿曼達，一位新結識的朋友，在同樣的字裏行間，他表示他擔心自己的黃金歲月將在“我沒有憑才能和力量取得我應得的成就”中度過去時。他擔心失聰會使他無法發揮藝術潛力能，這樣想法導致他去考慮結束自己的藝術生命，但是1802年10月，他在極度絕望中寫給弟兄們的所謂“海黎詹斯登遺囑”裏說，他已放棄自殺的念頭，願意順其自然，這是他死後在他的書稿中找到的。他解釋說耳聾是他遠離衆人的原由，因爲他覺得失去聽力是非常丟人的，可他又不想被別人知道。儘管他想自殺，“唯一能阻止我的是我的藝術。說真的在我沒有把我覺得立即該譜的曲子都創作出來之前，我不能離開這個世界。 1802年夏，他已在距維也納十三英里的海黎詹斯登度過了六個月，這是按照他的一名醫生的建議，認爲呆在維也納郊外平靜的地方有助於他聽力的恢復。但他的學生斐迪南·雷斯（波恩宮廷樂隊頭頭的兒子）那年夏天去拜訪他，並一起在樹林裏散步時，他指着一個正用稍稍長成的樹枝做的笛子吹奏的牧羊人。貝多芬卻聽不到，這使他非常鬱悶。到了那年冬天，他意識到他的聽覺不但不見好轉，而且我可能每況愈下，以至徹底失聰。 有人說貝多芬的失聰幫他提高了他的藝術：與世界隔絕，無法演出，他得以全身心地投入創作。他創作的鋼琴曲本已越來越少，在他裝幀過的概要手冊的第一冊中，他詳細地做了從1798年起的作品計劃綱要。他一開始，忐忑不安的貝多芬就認爲自己多半會變聾，他飽受耳鳴的痛苦（耳朵裏嗡嗡作響），巨大的嗓音使他痛苦不堪。1804年，他的朋友斯蒂文·馮·勃魯寧曾與他共同住過一段時間，這位朋友在寫給弗朗茨·韋格勒的信中說，貝多芬聽力的逐漸喪失給了他可怕的影響：這使他不再信任他的朋友，同時別人也很難與他相處。但貝多芬直到1814年纔開始帶助聽器。 但無論怎樣，貝多芬獻身於藝術並且一生致力於作曲。他避開結婚可能是因爲他認爲這會對他的藝術造成阻礙。早年時他就希望創作，儘管他需要維持生計，但他寫道：“我深愛我的藝術，我絕不會爲一已之利所驅使。”
