經典科幻文學:《生命 宇宙及一切》第18章6大綱

I was at, roared Agrajag, a cricket match! I had a weak heart condition, but what, I said to my wife, can happen to me at a cricket match? As I’m watching, what happens?
Two people quite maliciously appear out of thin air just in front of me. The last thing I can’t help but notice before my poor heart gives out in shock is that one of them is Arthur Dent wearing a rabbit bone in his beard. Coincidence?
Yes, said Arthur.
Coincidence? screamed the creature, painfully thrashing its broken wings, and opening a short gash on its right cheek with a particularly nasty tooth. On closer examination, such as he’d been hoping to avoid, Arthur noticed that much of Agrajag’s face was covered with ragged strips of black sticky plasters.
He backed away nervously. He tugged at his beard. He was appalled to discover that in fact he still had the rabbit bone in it. He pulled it out and threw it away.
Look, he said, it’s just fate playing silly buggers with you. With me. With us. It’s a complete coincidence.
What have you got against me, Dent? snarled the creature, advancing on him in a painful waddle.
Nothing, insisted Arthur, honestly, nothing.
Agrajag fixed him with a beady stare.
Seems a strange way to relate to somebody you’ve got nothing against, killing them all the time. Very curious piece of social interaction, I would call that. I’d also call it a lie!
But look, said Arthur, I’m very sorry. There’s been a terrible misunderstanding. I’ve got to go. Have you got a clock? I’m meant to be helping save the Universe. He backed away still further.
Agrajag advanced still further.
At one point, he hissed, at one point, I decided to give up. Yes, I would not come back. I would stay in the netherworld. And what happened?
Arthur indicated with random shakes of his head that he had no idea and didn’t want to have one either. He found he had backed up against the cold dark stone that had been carved by who knew what Herculean effort into a monstrous travesty of his bedroom slippers. He glanced up at his own horrendously parodied image towering above him. He was still puzzled as to what one of his hands was meant to be doing.
I got yanked involuntarily back into the physical world, pursued Agrajag, as a bunch of petunias. In, I might add, a bowl. This particularly happy little lifetime started off with me, in my bowl, unsupported, three hundred miles above the surface of a particularly grim planet. Not a naturally tenable position for a bowl of petunias, you might think. And you’d be right. That life ended a very short while later, three hundred miles lower. In, I might add, the fresh wreckage of a whale. My spirit brother.
He leered at Arthur with renewed hatred.
On the way down, he snarled, I couldn’t help noticing a flashy-looking white spaceship. And looking out of a port on this flashy-looking spaceship was a smug-looking Arthur Dent. Coincidence?!!
Yes! yelped Arthur. He glanced up again, and realized that the arm that had puzzled him was represented as wantonly calling into existence a bowl of doomed petunias. This was not a concept which leapt easily to the eye.
I must go, insisted Arthur.

“我去看，”阿格拉賈格怒吼着，“一場板球比賽！我心臟不太好，可是，在板球比賽上——我對我妻子說——能發生什麼呢？我正在看的時候！發生什麼了呢？
“兩個人，如此惡毒地在我面前憑空出現。在我因過度驚嚇而心臟衰竭之前，看見的最後一幕，就是阿瑟·鄧特，鬍子上還戴着一塊兔骨頭！巧合？！”
“是的。”阿瑟說。
“巧合？！”那個生物淒厲地叫道，痛苦地抖着他的破翅膀，臉上被那些噁心的牙齒劃出了一道小口子。靠近點看——阿瑟其實並不想——才注意到，阿格拉賈格的臉上，貼滿了歪歪扭扭的黑色膠布。
阿瑟緊張地後退幾步。他連忙抹了抹鬍子，驚慌地發現自己還掛着兔骨頭。他迅速扯下來扔了它。
“你瞧……”他說，“不過是命運玩的殘酷遊戲，跟你，跟我，跟咱們。這真的完全是巧合。”
“你跟我有什麼仇？鄧特？”那個生物嗥叫着，滿臉的苦大仇深，步步逼進阿瑟。
“沒有。”阿瑟極力申辯，“真的，沒有。”
阿格拉賈格瞪着他，目光如炬。
“把一個無怨無仇的人、反覆殺害，真是一種怪異的人際關係、一種稀奇的社交方式啊！我可以這麼說吧！我還可以說，它是個謊言！
“可是，你瞧，”阿瑟說，“我很抱歉。這是個嚴重的誤會。我得走了，你有鍾嗎？我要去幫忙拯救宇宙的。”他又後退了幾步。
阿格拉賈格又逼近幾步。
“曾幾何時，”他嘶啞地說，“曾幾何時，我決定放棄。是的，我決定不活了，我想呆在陰間，可是然後呢？”
阿瑟只是不住地搖頭，表示他真的不知道，也不想知道。他發現自己已經退到了一塊冰冷的黑色石頭邊上。不知何方神聖，將這塊石頭雕成如此具有諷刺意味的拖鞋。他向上一瞥，便看見上方雕出的一條面目可憎的毛巾。有一隻手，他到現在也沒看出是在做什麼。
“無意之中，我又被拉回了現實世界，”阿格拉賈格接着說，“成了一叢牽牛花，住在一個花盆裏。這一次短暫而快樂的生命，就在花盆裏，開始了。無依無靠，處在一顆冰冷的行星上方三百里的高空。的確，對於一盆牽牛花來說，這是很不正常的位置。那次生命很快便結束了，結束於三百里之下。結束於——我必須要說——一條血肉模糊的鯨魚身上。它是我的好兄弟。”
他瞟了一眼阿瑟，帶着更爲深切的恨意，說道：
“掉下去的時候，”他嘶吼道，“我不禁回頭一望，望見一艘俗氣的白色飛船，從它的一扇舷窗裏，那個沾沾自喜的阿瑟·鄧特正往外看。巧合？！”
“是的！”阿瑟喊道。他又向上看了一眼，才知道那隻不知在幹啥的手，其實在以一種作威作福的姿態、召喚着一盆倒黴的牽牛花。的確很難一眼看出來。
“我必須走了。”阿瑟又說。