經典科幻文學:《生命 宇宙及一切》第10章5
Chapter 11
Stomp stomp.
Whirrr.
Pleased to be of service.
Shut up.
Thank you.
Stomp stomp stomp stomp stomp.
Whirrr.
Thank you for making a simple door very happy.
Hope your diodes rot.
Thank you. Have a nice day.
Stomp stomp stomp stomp.
Whirrr.
It is my pleasure to open for you…
Zark off.
–…and my satisfaction to close again with the knowledge of a job well done.
I said zark off.
Thank you for listening to this message.
Stomp stomp stomp stomp.
Wop.
Zaphod stopped stomping. He had been stomping around the Heart of Gold for days, and so far no door had said “wop” to him. He was fairly certain that no door had said “wop” to him now. It was not the sort of thing doors said. Too concise. Furthermore, there were not enough doors. It sounded as if a hundred thousand people had said “wop”, which puzzled him because he was the only person on the ship.
It was dark. Most of the ship’s non-essential systems were closed down. It was drifting in a remote area of the Galaxy, deep in the inky blackness of space. So which particular hundred thousand people would turn up at this point and say a totally unexpected “wop”?
He looked about him, up the corridor and down the corridor. It was all in deep shadow. There were just the very dim pinkish outlines of the doors which glowed in the dark and pulsed whenever they spoke, though he had tried every way he could think of of stopping them.
The lights were off so that his heads could avoid looking at each other, because neither of them was currently a particularly engaging sight, and nor had they been since he had made the error of looking into his soul.
It had indeed been an error. It had been late one night of course.
It had been a difficult day of course.
第十一章
踏，踏。
嗡——
“很高興爲您服務。”
“閉嘴。”
“謝謝。”
踏，踏，踏，踏，踏。
嗡——
“謝謝您讓一扇小小的門感到非常開心。”
“祝你的二極管爛掉。”
“謝謝。祝您愉快。”
踏，踏，踏，踏。
嗡——
“爲您打開是我的榮幸……”
“贊上你的嘴。”
“……爲您關上之後結束一切工作，也令我心滿意足。”
“我說贊上你的嘴。”
“謝謝您的聆聽。”
踏，踏，踏，踏。
“喔。”
贊福德停下了腳步。他在黃金之心裏踏來踏去好幾天了，還不曾有哪個門對他說“喔”呢。他敢肯定，沒有哪個門對他說過“喔”，這不是門會說的話，太簡潔了。另外，也沒有那麼多的門，這個聲音像是成百上千人一起說“喔”，這令他十分困惑，因爲飛船上就他一個人。
一切都在黑暗中。飛船上不必要的設備都關了。此時，它正遊蕩在銀河系一個偏僻之地，在漆黑的太空深處。那麼，哪來的成百上千人跑到這兒來跟他說一聲“喔”？
他四處看了看，跑到走廊上看，又趴到走廊下看，到處都只是黑的而已。黑暗中，只有每扇門模糊的粉色輪廓發出一點亮光。並且，每有一聲“喔”門就震動一下。贊福德想盡辦法也不能消除這聲音。
燈都關了，贊福德的兩個頭便無需看見彼此。他倆現在都相當不帥——自從他錯誤地決定探求一下自己靈魂深處之後，就變成這樣了。
那真是一個錯誤。那是在一個深夜——理所當然。
那天白天非常難熬——理所當然。
