名著精讀:《悉達多》 和兒童般的俗人在一起(3)

"Surely," Siddhartha laughed, "surely I have travelled for my amusement. For what else? I have gotten to know people and places, I have received kindness and trust, I have found friendship. Look, my dear, if I had been Kamaswami, I would have travelled back, being annoyed and in a hurry, as soon as I had seen that my purchase had been rendered impossible, and time and money would indeed have been lost. But like this, I've had a few good days, I've learned, had joy, I've neither harmed myself nor others by annoyance and hastiness. And if I'll ever return there again, perhaps to buy an upcoming harvest, or for whatever purpose it might be, friendly people will receive me in a friendly and happy manner, and I will praise myself for not showing any hurry and displeasure at that time. So, leave it as it is, my friend, and don't harm yourself by scolding! If the day will come, when you will see: this Siddhartha is harming me, then speak a word and Siddhartha will go on his own path. But until then, let's be satisfied with one another."
Futile were also the merchant's attempts, to convince Siddhartha that he should eat his bread. Siddhartha ate his own bread, or rather they both ate other people's bread, all people's bread. Siddhartha never listened to Kamaswami's worries and Kamaswami had many worries. Whether there was a business-deal going on which was in danger of failing, or whether a shipment of merchandise seemed to have been lost, or a debtor seemed to be unable to pay, Kamaswami could never convince his partner that it would be useful to utter a few words of worry or anger, to have wrinkles on the forehead, to sleep badly. When, one day, Kamaswami held against him that he had learned everything he knew from him, he replied: "Would you please not kid me with such jokes! What I've learned from you is how much a basket of fish costs and how much interests may be charged on loaned money. These are your areas of expertise. I haven't learned to think from you, my dear Kamaswami, you ought to be the one seeking to learn from me."
Indeed his soul was not with the trade. The business was good enough to provide him with the money for Kamala, and it earned him much more than he needed. Besides from this, Siddhartha's interest and curiosity was only concerned with the people, whose businesses, crafts, worries, pleasures, and acts of foolishness used to be as alien and distant to him as the moon. However easily he succeeded in talking to all of them, in living with all of them, in learning from all of them, he was still aware that there was something which separated him from them and this separating factor was him being a Samana. He saw mankind going trough life in a childlike or animallike manner, which he loved and also despised at the same time. He saw them toiling, saw them suffering, and becoming gray for the sake of things which seemed to him to entirely unworthy of this price, for money, for little pleasures, for being slightly honoured, he saw them scolding and insulting each other, he saw them complaining about pain at which a Samana would only smile, and suffering because of deprivations which a Samana would not feel.
He was open to everything, these people brought his way. Welcome was the merchant who offered him linen for sale, welcome was the debtor who sought another loan, welcome was the beggar who told him for one hour the story of his poverty and who was not half as poor as any given Samana. He did not treat the rich foreign merchant any different than the servant who shaved him and the street-vendor whom he let cheat him out of some small change when buying bananas. When Kamaswami came to him, to complain about his worries or to reproach him concerning his business, he listened curiously and happily, was puzzled by him, tried to understand him, consented that he was a little bit right, only as much as he considered indispensable, and turned away from him, towards the next person who would ask for him. And there were many who came to him, many to do business with him, many to cheat him, many to draw some secret out of him, many to appeal to his sympathy, many to get his advice. He gave advice, he pitied, he made gifts, he let them cheat him a bit, and this entire game and the passion with which all people played this game occupied his thoughts just as much as the gods and Brahmans used to occupy them.

"當然，"席特哈爾塔微笑道，"我這次去當然是爲了消遣。不然是爲了什麼？我熟悉了許多人和地方，我享受了友好和信任，我贏得了友誼。瞧，親愛的，假如我是卡馬斯瓦密，看到我的生意已經落空，就會十分氣惱地匆匆趕回，而時間和金錢實際上已經損失了。可是，我卻度過了美好的幾天，學到了東西，享受了快樂，沒有因煩惱和匆忙而傷害自己與別人。如果我以後再去那兒，也許去採購以後的收成，或者是爲了別的目的，那麼，友好的人們就會熱情友好地接待我，我也會慶幸自己當時並沒有流露出匆忙與煩惱。好吧，將就點兒吧，朋友，別因爲訓斥我而傷了你自己！假如有那麼一天你看到，這個席特哈爾塔給你造成了損失，那麼你只需說一句話，席特哈爾塔就會走人！不過，在那之前，咱們還是互相將就點兒吧。"
卡馬斯瓦密企圖讓席特哈爾塔想念他吃的是卡馬斯瓦密的硯，結果是白費力氣。席特哈爾塔吃的是他自己的麪包，或者更確切地說，他們倆都是吃別人的硯，吃大家的硯。席特哈爾塔根本就聽不進卡馬斯瓦密的憂慮，而卡馬斯瓦密卻總是憂心忡忡。如果一樁生意有可能失敗，如果一批貨物運丟了，如果一個欠債人還不了債，那麼，卡馬斯瓦密休想讓他的夥伴想念大發牢騷或者生氣，皺緊眉頭，睡不好覺，會有什麼好處。有一次卡馬斯瓦密指責他，說他懂得的一切都是跟他卡馬斯瓦密學的，席特哈爾塔答道："你可別開這樣的玩笑戲弄我！我向你學的是一滿籃魚能賣多少錢，貸出去的款可以要多少利息。這就是你的學問，而我會思考可不是向你學的，可敬的卡馬斯瓦密，在這方面你還是跟我學學吧！"
事實上，他的心並沒有放在做生意上。做生意對於他攢錢送給卡瑪拉有用，可是他做生意賺的錢卻遠比他所需要的多。此外，席特哈爾塔關心和好奇的恰恰是那樣的一些人，其生意、手藝、憂慮、娛樂和愚蠢對於他就像月亮那樣陌生和遙遠。他輕而易舉就成功地做到了跟所有人交談，與所有人一起生活，向所有人學習。他深深地感到有什麼東西把自己跟他們分開了，而這就是他的沙門苦行主義。他看到人們以兒童或動物般的方式生活，他對此既愛又瞧不起。他看到他們操勞，看到他們受苦和衰老，爲了一些他認爲完全不值得付出這樣代價的東西，爲了金錢，爲了小小的樂趣，爲了小小的榮譽，他看到他們互相指責和辱罵，看到他們抱怨那些令沙門付之一笑的痛苦，看到他們爲那些讓沙門毫不在意的匱乏而煩惱。
這些人無論帶給他什麼，他都聽之任之。給他提供亞麻布的商人他歡迎，找他告貸的欠債人他歡迎，給他講自己的貧窮故事一講就是一個鐘頭的乞丐他也歡迎，其實與沙門相比，乞丐的貧窮恐怕連一半都不夠。他對待外國富商和給他刮臉的僕人沒什麼不同，跟那些在賣香蕉時總是坑他幾個小錢的街頭攤販也沒什麼兩樣。當卡馬斯瓦密來找他，向他訴說苦惱，或是爲了一件買賣來責怪他時，他總是好奇而興致勃勃地聽着，對他感到驚奇，力求理解他，儘量使他有一些道理，而且正好是他認爲必不可少的那麼多，然後便轉身離開他，轉向下一個要見他的人了。有好多人來找他，好多人想跟他做生意，好多人想騙他，好多人想摸他的底，好多人想喚起他的同情，好多人想向他討教。他提出建議，表示同情，慷慨解囊，讓自己上一點當，而這整個遊戲以及所有人在玩這遊戲時的熱情都使得他全神貫注，正像當年他熱衷於神靈與婆羅門時那樣。