如果一直對孩子說“Yes”效果會怎樣?

Like most children, my own brood complains constantly about my style of parenting. "You’re always saying 'No'," they complain, as I tell them they can’t have yet more mayonnaise on their dinner.
像大多數孩子們一樣，我自己的孩子也一直抱怨我對他們的養育方式。晚飯時當我告訴他們不能再吃蛋黃醬的時侯，他們抱怨說"你總是說'不'。"

"It’s bad for you," I say. "So, no, you can’t."
我說:"再吃對你們的健康不好，不，你們不能再吃了。"

"You say no to everything,"says Leonard, aged eight.
八歲的Leonard說："你對任何事情都說不。"

He and his younger siblings — Jerry, six, and Ottoline, three — then list everything I have said ‘No’ to since they got home from school. Sweets, playing outside with their uniform on, biscuits, getting stuff out from drawer, painting …
他和弟弟妹妹們——6歲的Jerry和3歲的Ottoline列了一張清單，上面寫着他們從學校回家後我說的所有的"不"。糖果、在外面穿着校服玩、餅乾、從抽屜裏拿東西、畫畫……

I’ve always considered myself a pretty easy-going parent, and yet here they are telling me I’m a nay-saying harridan.
我一直認爲我是一個脾氣很好的媽媽，但是他們竟然說我是一個總說"不"的老巫婆。

According to the currently fashionable idea of ‘free parenting’, though, what I should be saying is ‘Yes’.
然而根據最近流行的"親子養育"觀點，我應該說"是"。

It’s particularly interesting to me because I recently decided to try an experiment. In the style of ‘free parenting’, I would say yes to everything my children wanted for an entire week — and see what happened.
因爲最近我想做一個實驗，所以這就對我來說特別有趣。根據"親子養育"的方式，在整整一個星期內，我要對我的孩子的要求通通說"是"，然後看看效果如何。

The only rules were not to let the children know what I’d decided to do, and to ensure that I alerted them to the consequences of their actions, so they could make their own well-informed choices.
唯一的規則是不讓孩子知道我在做什麼，並且確保已經對他們的行爲做出了提醒，然後讓他們做出自己的選擇。

But what if they wanted to swing on the curtains and to paint the walls red? What if my teenage son, 14-year-old Raymond, wanted to bring girls home every night and smoke? What would I say then?
但是如果他們想要在窗簾上"盪鞦韆"，或者想要把牆全塗成紅色呢？倘若我14歲的兒子Raymond晚上想要帶女孩子們回家或者吸菸呢？那麼我該說什麼呢？

There was only one way to find out …
只有一種方法可以知道……DAY ONE
第一天

It all starts pretty well. The children get up for breakfast and we follow our usual routine: let the dogs out, eat cereal, dress, make packed lunches.
剛開始時非常好。孩子們早上起來吃早飯，然後按照日程去做：放狗出去，喝麥片粥，穿衣服，做中午的便當。

DAY TWO
第二天

Things are beginning to change. "Why are you being so nice to us?"they say, as I nod my head to all requests.
事情開始發生變化。當我對所有的問題點頭時，孩子們問"爲什麼你對我們這麼好了呢？"

...

DAY SEVEN
第七天

Experiment nearly over and I feel I have proved a point — one that is very interesting to all of us.
實驗即將結束，我感覺我已經證明了一個道理——一個對我們所有人來說很有趣的一個道理。

For a start, by the end of the week the children are imploding. My acquiescence to everything has meant that they are not only buzzing with e-numbers and sugar, but are exhausted, too
開始時，孩子們在週末把家裏鬧翻了天。我的經驗告訴我，他們不僅吃了很多帶食物添加劑和糖的東西，而且玩得也精疲力盡了。

But I have also learned some important lessons. The hassle of clearing up the kitchen after they have made a cake is nothing compared to the joy I feel when I hear them laughing so freely.
但是我也學到了很多，相比於聽到他們無憂無慮的笑聲，在他們做完蛋糕後，清理廚房時的爭吵壓根不算什麼。

They just wanted to have fun, to laugh more; to not have every request quashed by a negative.
他們只是想要玩得開心，想要笑得更多；不想所有的要求都被拒絕而已。

They also, I think, really started to understand why I create boundaries in their lives, because as much as they don’t like them, they are lost without them.
我認爲，他們也開始真正地明白，爲什麼生活中我不讓他們做一些事情，因爲他們越不喜歡它們，卻越不能離開它們。

As I go to put them to bed on the last day, I find them sitting in a circle, doing a jigsaw together.
在最後一天當我讓他們上牀睡覺時，我發現他們坐成一個圈，正在玩七巧板。

"You’re playing together!" I say.
我說："你們在一起玩！"

"Yes, can we stay up late?"asks Jerry.
Jerry說："是的，我們能晚點睡覺嗎?"

"No," I tell them.
我告訴他們說："不可以。"

They all troop off — but looking mightily relieved, it has to be said.
他們匆匆散去,但是似乎強烈地鬆了口氣，因爲這是必須要說的。