心裏的黑暗，我坦然接受你
I started having this strange feeling of loneliness, self-pity, and sadness in my first year in college.
剛進大學的第一年，我開始莫名的感到孤獨，自憐和哀傷。
I had no idea what it was,
當時我並不清楚這種情緒是什麼
but one thing I knew was that
我唯一知道的是
it all started when my teacher called me out In front of the whole class
當一位任課老師當着全班同學的面讓我滾出教室，這種感覺就出現了
for not carrying out the tasks that were assigned to me.
這件事的起因，只是我沒有完成一份她交給我的任務。
I was a brilliant student in school,
在學校裏，我是一個很聰明的學生
even though I could be nonchalant sometimes,
雖然有的時候我會有些懶散冷漠
which I felt was commonplace amongst kids my age.
但我覺得在我這個年齡的孩子中，這也是很通常的事情
I never took this to heart
我從沒將自己的缺點放在心上
until she called me out in front of the whole class.
直到這一天，她當着全班同學的面把我趕出了教室
After that experience, I couldn't listen in class;
經歷了這樣的事情之後，我發現自己在課堂上無法聽課
thoughts of that scenario kept playing in my head
關於那一幕的思緒片段在我的腦海裏不斷重現
and my grades dropped drastically.
我的成績下降的很厲害
my friends started avoiding me,
我的朋友們開始避開我
thinking I was acting weird.
他們都覺得我舉止怪異
I was.
而我也確實如此
My parents advised me to see a doctor.
父母想讓我去看醫生
I started imagining weird things.
我開始看到想象中的奇怪事物
One minute I was overly excited,
前一分鐘還興高采烈
while the next minute I was all moody.
下一分鐘又鬱郁沉沉
At this point, I had been withdrawn from school;
到這個時候，我已經被學校退學了
they felt I might be a danger to other students.
因爲校方認爲我可能會對其他學生構成人身威脅
Whenever my parents mentioned treatment,
每當我的父母提到接受治療
I would retort with "nothing is wrong with me."
我就立刻反駁到，“我什麼問題都沒有”
Until I reached a breaking point
直到我走到了崩潰的臨界點
and couldn't go on any longer by myself.
依靠我自己，再也無法支撐自己
I needed help.
我需要幫助
Unfortunately, therapy is costly and definitely out of my budget.
不幸的是，心理治療的價格非常昂貴，遠超我的消費預算
So, I decided to look for alternatives.
於是，我決定尋找其他的解決辦法
That was when I stumbled upon online counseling .
就在這個時候，我偶然知道了在線心理諮詢的事。
I (hesitantly) applied for a service,
我（十分猶豫的）申請了諮詢
and I was assigned to a therapist
我被分配到一個治療師那裏
who started engaging me multiple times a week.
她開始一週數次的和我交談
I was ultimately diagnosed with "bipolar disorder" as I suspected.
最終我被診斷爲“雙向障礙”，正如我所意料
"I'll help you manage it."
“我會幫助你恢復健康的”
That was what she said to me.
她是這樣對我說的
At first, It was boring and annoying ,
一開始，我覺得治療過程即無趣又討厭
but my parents, specifically my mother,
但是我的父母，尤其是我母親
kept telling me to continue with it, which I did.
一直告訴我要堅持下去，我也照做了
I started noticing significant changes in my behavior.
我發現自己的行爲方式有了顯著的變化
I could sleep better, eat well, talk amongst people,
我的睡眠質量和食慾都提高了，還可以跟人羣聊天
and do other stuff I couldn't do before.
還可以做之前自己做不到的事情
After a few weeks, I finally felt like myself again,
幾個星期之後，我感到曾經的自己終於回來了
due to the help of my online therapist.
這一切，都歸功於我的在線諮詢師。
