我沒有意識到我竟然犯了這一重大的育兒錯誤

"What I'm seeing is that your son feels like he has too much power in your home," the therapist said. "He needs you guys to be in charge, not him." The words felt like a slap in the face, but I got it.

“我所看到的就是你的兒子感覺自己在家中可以爲所欲爲，”治療師說道。“他需要你們做主，而非他自己。”這些話就像耳光一樣重重的打在我臉上，但這一切我都知道。

I'd meant well. A nurturer, I'd used shied away from the traditional discipline I'd grown up with, choosing a gentler path. But I'd taken it too far, and mostly, without even realizing it.

我的本意是好的。作爲一位養育者，我不希望以我長大的那種傳統方式來教育我的孩子，我選擇了更爲溫和的方法。但我卻放縱過頭了，甚至沒有意識到。

I'm a sensitive soul. I could be described as an empath, or the slightly harsher term of co-dependent. I have a strong tendency to take other peoples' emotions on—or worse, the emotion I think they're having. The closer the person is to me, the more fiercely I absorb their feelings.

我十分敏感。可能人們在描述我的時候，會說我是個脆弱的人，或是更殘酷的詞：依賴別人的人。我往往會親身領會他人的感情——更糟糕的是，這種感情是我自以爲的。我越和某人親密，就會越強烈的領會他們的情緒。

So when my son was born, all sensitive and strong-willed, I was pretty much screwed. The intense, unique love that bloomed for him was nothing I'd experienced before. It felt like the cord that connected us when he was in my belly was still there, but instead of pulsing flesh it was unseeable and unbreakable.

所以兒子出生的時候，我十分敏感又意志堅定，感覺自己都快搞砸了。他身上那種強烈而又獨特的愛是我從未體會過的。就好像懷他時連着我們的臍帶還在一樣，但這時的臍帶已不再是活生生的肉，而是牢不可破的無形紐帶。

His intense feelings were unbearable for me. I physically reacted to his cries—as mothers, that's what we are wired to do to ensure that our babies are cared for. But as he became a toddler, a preschooler, a little and then a not-so-little boy, I continued to respond to his upsets viscerally, my skin going alert, electric at his cries. My sensitivity to his emotions, coupled with his stubbornly strong opinions meant that I often reacted to his feelings with frustration or anxiety, and often let him take the lead.

然而我無法承受他濃烈的愛。當他哭泣時我的身體會做出反應——作爲母親，這是我們的本能，以確保寶寶得到了我們的關愛。但當他開始學會走路、到了上學前班的年紀、又過了不久他已不是那個小寶寶了，我繼續在心裏對他的悲傷做出反應，他哭泣時，我的皮膚會起雞皮疙瘩。我對他的各種情緒非常敏感，再加上他的觀點十分固執，因此我通常會沮喪、焦躁的迴應他的情緒，所以他經常佔上風。

As he got older, I'd turned to rotating between bribery and threats when he dug his heels in about something. This had culminated a few weeks before the meeting with the therapist when my son had thrown an epic tantrum because he didn't want to come with me to pick up his sister from preschool. I'd been stuck in a cycle of reacting to my son's big emotions, and had often handed him the reigns because it seemed like that was what he wanted.

後來他慢慢長大，當他和我意見相左時，我會賄賂他，或者給他吃零食。在我與治療師講述自己的問題前，這樣的情況持續了幾周。由於兒子不想跟我一起去學前班接他妹妹回家，因此大發脾氣後（他從未發過這麼大的脾氣），我纔去看治療師的。我深陷於如何迴應兒子強烈情緒的深淵中，通常會讓他做主，因爲這好像就是他所希望的。