殘忍而美麗的情誼:The Kite Runner 追風箏的人(59)

“Hassan’s not going anywhere,” Baba snapped. He dug a new hole with the trowel, striking the dirt harder than he had to. “He’s staying right here with us, where he belongs. This is his home and we’re his family. Don’t you ever ask me that question again!”
“I won’t, Baba. I’m sorry.”
We planted the rest of the tulips in silence.
I was relieved when school started that next week. Students with new notebooks and sharpened pencils in hand ambled about the courtyard, kicking up dust, chatting in groups, waiting for the class captains’ whistles. Baba drove down the dirt lane that led to the entrance. The school was an old two-story building with broken windows and dim, cobblestone hallways, patches of its original dull yellow paint still showing between sloughing chunks of plaster. Most of the boys walked to school, and Baba’s black Mustang drew more than one envious look. I should have been beaming with pride when he dropped me off--the old me would have--but all I could muster was a mild form of embarrassment. That and emptiness. Baba drove away without saying good-bye.
I bypassed the customary comparing of kite-fighting scars and stood in line. The bell rang and we marched to our assigned class, filed in in pairs. I sat in the back row. As the Farsi teacher handed out our textbooks, I prayed for a heavy load of homework.
School gave me an excuse to stay in my room for long hours. And, for a while, it took my mind off what had happened that winter, what I had let happen. For a few weeks, I preoccupied myself with gravity and momentum, atoms and cells, the Anglo-Afghan wars, instead of thinking about Hassan and what had happened to him. But, always, my mind returned to the alley. To Hassan’s brown corduroy pants lying on the bricks. To the droplets of blood staining the snow dark red, almost black.
One sluggish, hazy afternoon early that summer, I asked Hassan to go up the hill with me. Told him I wanted to read him a new story I’d written. He was hanging clothes to dry in the yard and I saw his eagerness in the harried way he finished the job.
We climbed the hill, making small talk. He asked about school, what I was learning, and I talked about my teachers, especially the mean math teacher who punished talkative students by sticking a metal rod between their fingers and then squeezing them together. Hassan winced at that, said he hoped I’d never have to experience it. I said I’d been lucky so far, knowing that luck had nothing to do with it. I had done my share of talking in class too. But my father was rich and everyone knew him, so I was spared the metal rod treatment.
We sat against the low cemetery wall under the shade thrown by the pomegranate tree. In another month or two, crops of scorched yellow weeds would blanket the hillside, but that year the spring showers had lasted longer than usual, nudging their way into early summer, and the grass was still green, peppered with tangles of wildflowers. Below us, Wazir Akbar Khan’s white walled, flat-topped houses gleamed in the sunshine, the laundry hanging on clotheslines in their yards stirred by the breeze to dance like butterflies.
We had picked a dozen pomegranates from the tree. I unfolded the story I’d brought along, turned to the first page, then put it down. I stood up and picked up an overripe pomegranate that had fallen to the ground.
“What would you do if I hit you with this?” I said, tossing the fruit up and down.

“哈桑哪兒都不去，”爸爸憤怒地說，他拿起鏟子，在地上又掘了一個坑，用比剛纔更大的力氣將泥土鏟開，“他就在這兒陪着我們，他屬於這兒。這裏是他的家，我們是他的家人。以後別再問我這樣的問題!”
“不會了，爸爸，對不起。”
他悶聲把剩下的鬱金香都種完。
第二個星期，開學了，我如釋重負。學生分到了新的筆記本，手裏拿着削尖的鉛筆，在操場上聚集在一起，踢起塵土，三五成羣地交談，等待班長的哨聲。爸爸的車開上那條通向校門的土路。學校是座兩層的古舊建築，窗戶漏風，鵝卵石砌成的門廊光線陰暗，在剝落的泥灰之間，還可以看見它原來的土黃色油漆。多數男孩走路上課，爸爸黑色的野馬轎車引來的不僅僅是豔羨的眼光。本來他開車送我上學，我應該覺得很驕傲——過去的我就是這樣——但如今我感到的只是有些尷尬，尷尬和空虛。爸爸連聲“再見”都沒說，就掉頭離開。
我沒有像過去那樣，跟人比較鬥風箏的傷痕，而是站到隊伍中去。鐘聲響起，我們魚貫進入分配的教室，找座位坐好，我坐在教室後面。法爾西語老師分發課本的時候，我祈禱有做不完的作業。
上學給了我長時間待在房間裏頭的藉口。並且，確實有那麼一陣，我忘記了冬天發生的那些事，那些我讓它們發生的事。接連幾個星期，我滿腦子重力和動力，原子和細胞，英阿戰爭，不去想着哈桑，不去想他的遭遇。可是，我的思緒總是回到那條小巷。總是想到躺在磚頭上的哈桑的棕色燈芯絨褲，想到那些將雪地染成暗紅色、幾乎是黑色的血滴。
那年初夏，某個讓人昏昏欲睡的午後，我讓哈桑跟我一起去爬山。告訴他我要給他念一個剛寫的故事。他當時在院子裏晾衣服，他手忙腳亂把衣服晾好的樣子讓我看到他的期待。
我們爬上山，稍作交談。他問起學校的事情，問起我在學什麼，我談起那些老師，尤其是那個嚴厲的數學老師，他懲罰那些多話的學生，將鐵棍放在他們的指縫間，然後用力捏他們的手指。哈桑嚇了一跳，說希望我永遠不用被懲罰。我說我到目前爲止都很幸運，不過我知道那和運氣沒什麼關係。我也在課堂上講話，但我的爸爸很有錢，人人認識他，所以我免受鐵棍的刑罰。
我們坐在墓園低矮的圍牆上，在石榴樹的樹影之下。再過一兩個月，成片的焦黃野草會鋪滿山坡，但那年春天雨水綿綿，比往年持續得久，到了初夏也還不停地下着，雜草依然是綠色的，星星點點的野花散落其間。在我們下面，瓦茲爾?阿克巴?汗區的房子平頂白牆，被陽光照得閃閃發亮；院子裏的晾衣線掛滿衣物，在和風的吹拂中如蝴蝶般翩翩起舞。
我們從樹上摘了十來個石榴。我打開帶來那本故事書，翻到第一頁，然後又把書放下。我站起身來，撿起一個熟透了的跌落在地面的石榴。
“要是我拿這個打你，你會怎麼做啊?”我說，石榴在手裏拋上拋下。