狄更斯雙語小說:《董貝父子》第28章Part 3

Florence's mind ran high on this theme, and had done for some days. Mr Carker, in the two visits with which he had followed up his first one, had assumed a confidence between himself and her - a right on his part to be mysterious and stealthy, in telling her that the ship was still unheard of - a kind of mildly restrained power and authority over her - that made her wonder, and caused her great uneasiness. She had no means of repelling it, or of freeing herself from the web he was gradually winding about her; for that would have required some art and knowledge of the world, opposed to such address as his; and Florence had none. True, he had said no more to her than that there was no news of the ship, and that he feared the worst; but how he came to know that she was interested in the ship, and why he had the right to signify his knowledge to her, so insidiously and darkly, troubled Florence very much.
This conduct on the part of Mr Carker, and her habit of often considering it with wonder and uneasiness, began to invest him with an uncomfortable fascination in Florence's thoughts. A more distinct remembrance of his features, voice, and manner: which she sometimes courted, as a means of reducing him to the level of a real personage, capable of exerting no greater charm over her than another: did not remove the vague impression. And yet he never frowned, or looked upon her with an air of dislike or animosity, but was always smiling and serene.
Again, Florence, in pursuit of her strong purpose with reference to her father, and her steady resolution to believe that she was herself unwittingly to blame for their so cold and distant relations, would recall to mind that this gentleman was his confidential friend, and would think, with an anxious heart, could her struggling tendency to dislike and fear him be a part of that misfortune in her, which had turned her father's love adrift, and left her so alone? She dreaded that it might be; sometimes believed it was: then she resolved that she would try to conquer this wrong feeling; persuaded herself that she was honoured and encouraged by the notice of her father's friend; and hoped that patient observation of him and trust in him would lead her bleeding feet along that stony road which ended in her father's heart.
Thus, with no one to advise her - for she could advise with no one without seeming to complain against him - gentle Florence tossed on an uneasy sea of doubt and hope; and Mr Carker, like a scaly monster of the deep, swam down below, and kept his shining eye upon her. Florence had a new reason in all this for wishing to be at home again. Her lonely life was better suited to her course of timid hope and doubt; and she feared sometimes, that in her absence she might miss some hopeful chance of testifying her affection for her father. Heaven knows, she might have set her mind at rest, poor child! on this last point; but her slighted love was fluttering within her, and, even in her sleep, it flew away in dreams, and nestled, like a wandering bird come home, upon her father's neck.
Of Walter she thought often. Ah! how often, when the night was gloomy, and the wind was blowing round the house! But hope was strong in her breast. It is so difficult for the young and ardent, even with such experience as hers, to imagine youth and ardour quenched like a weak flame, and the bright day of life merging into night, at noon, that hope was strong yet. Her tears fell frequently for Walter's sufferings; but rarely for his supposed death, and never long.
She had written to the old Instrument-maker, but had received no answer to her note: which indeed required none. Thus matters stood with Florence on the morning when she was going home, gladly, to her old secluded life.

弗洛倫斯的思想集中在這個問題上，好幾天也離不開它。卡克先生在接着第一次拜訪之後而來的兩次拜訪中，裝出他和她相互信任似的，並裝出他有權神祕地和悄悄地告訴她，那條船還是下落不明，而且他對她有一種稍稍加以剋制的權力和影響，這使她感到奇怪，並使她心中產生極大的不安。她無法拒絕它，使她自己從他逐漸纏繞在她身上的蜘蛛網中解脫出來；因爲那需要掌握這世界的某種策略和知識，才能對抗他的這種詭計，而弗洛倫斯卻沒有掌握。不錯，他除了對她說那條船杳無音訊，並說，他擔心會發生最壞的結果之外，並沒有再說別的，但是他怎麼知道她關心這條船，爲什麼他有權利那麼陰險地、惡毒地把他知道的事情告訴給她呢，弗洛倫斯對這感到苦惱不安。
卡克先生的這種行爲以及她經常懷疑和不安地思考它的習慣，開始使他在弗洛倫斯的思想中具有一種很令人不愉快的魔力。有時，爲了使他成爲一個真實的人，不能比其他人對她施加更大的魔力，她就想方設法，更清楚地回憶起他的面貌、聲音和神態，可是這樣做，並不能消除她心中那模糊的印象。然而他卻從不皺眉蹙額，也從不露出厭惡或敵意的神態來看她，而總是笑容滿臉，安詳自若。
另一方面，弗洛倫斯由於強烈地懷抱着要達到重新贏得她父親喜愛的目的，並堅決相信她自己非出本意地應對他們父女之間如此冷淡與疏遠的關係負責，因此她會想到，這位先生是她父親知心的朋友；她還會憂慮地想到，她對他產生厭惡和恐懼的思想會不會是她促使她父親不愛她並造成她如此孤獨的不幸原因之一呢？她擔心可能是這樣；有時她相信就正是這樣。於是她就決心克服這種錯誤的感情，使她自己相信，她父親的朋友的關注對她來說是光榮和鼓勵；並希望對他進行耐心的觀察和信任將會引導她的流血的雙腳走過那坎坷不平的道路，通向她父親的心。
就這樣，沒有人給她出主意——因爲她要跟人商量，似乎就像是抱怨父親似的——，溫柔的弗洛倫斯在懷疑與希望的不平靜的海洋上顛簸着；卡克先生則像是深海中有鱗的妖怪一樣在下面遊着，閃閃發光的眼睛一直在注視着她。 弗洛倫斯在這一切之中，又有了一個希望重新回家的新理由。孤獨的生活更適合於她懷有膽怯的希望與懷疑的過程；她有時擔心，當她不在家的時候，她也許會錯過向她父親表明她的愛心的好機會。天知道，她可以在這最後的一點上讓她的心安靜下來，可憐的孩子！可是她那受到冷落的愛正在她的心中跳動，它甚至在她睡眠時飛了出去，像一隻在外遊蕩的鳥兒飛回家一樣，安息在她父親的脖子上。
她時常思念沃爾特。啊！當夜色朦朧，風在屋外吹刮的時候，她曾經多少次想到了他啊！但是她心中懷着強烈的希望。對於年輕和感情熱烈的人——甚至像她那樣經驗不多的人——來說，很難想象青春與熱忱會像微弱的火焰一樣熄滅，生命的白天會在中午就被黑夜吞沒，因此，希望在她心中仍然是強烈的。她時常爲沃爾特所遭受的苦難而流淚，但卻很少爲他假定的死亡而流淚，時間也從來不長久。
她曾經寫信給年老的儀器製造商，但卻沒有得到迴音，但她在信中並沒有要求回覆。那天早上弗洛倫斯高高興興地準備回家去過她以往的隱居生活的時候，她的情況就是這樣。