有關離婚後約會的專家建議
1) Figure out if you really are ready.
1）想清楚自己是否已準備好接受新戀情。Whether it's been one year or six since the divorce decree, you may never know with absolute clarity that you're truly ready for another relationship. Instead, "it's usually clear when you're not ready," says Susan Pease Gadoua, a therapist and author of Stronger Day by Day: Reflections for Healing and Rebuilding After Divorce. That is, "when the very idea turns you off." But you can decide that you're ready to at least try. Once the idea of going on a date comes into your mind and you don't want to chase it out again, you're at least ready to start, she says. If it's truly awful, take a step back and wait some more.
不管是離婚了一年還是六年，你可能永遠都不確定是否真的準備好了迎接一份新戀情。相反，“通常當你還未準備好的時候，你會很清楚，”蘇珊•皮塞•加杜阿說道，她是一位治療師，也是《日益堅強：關於離婚後治癒和恢復的反思》（Stronger Day by Day: Reflections for Healing and Rebuilding After Divorce）一書的作者。也就是說，“這個想法會讓你厭煩。”但你至少可以決定願不願意嘗試。一旦想到出去約會，並且不願甩掉這個想法的時候，至少表明你已準備好嘗試了，她說道。如果感覺真的很糟，那就後退一步繼續等待吧。
2) Feel the fear.
2）感受恐懼。
Contemplating the dating scene, many divorced women feel not just garden-variety nerves, but "actual terror," says Dr. Kirschner. Just remember that your fears are normal—after all, you are dealing with or have dealt with a major betrayal and upheaval—and that you don't have to jump all the way in. "Dip a toe in at a time. Tell a few trusted friends that you're interested in meeting people. Accept invitations to parties."
一想到約會時的情景，很多離婚女性不僅緊張，而且會感到“真正的恐懼。”基施納博士說道。只要提醒自己害怕是正常的就行了——畢竟你正在經歷或已經歷過一次重大的背叛和動盪——你也無須一次傾盡所有。“每次前進一小步。告訴那些你十分信任的極少數朋友：你現在想要約會。接受別人的邀請，參加派對吧。”3) Avoid negative thinking.
3）不要有消極的想法。While it's not unheard of for a woman wounded by a painful divorce to make statements like "all men are jerks" or "all the good ones are taken," that's obviously not a good mindset to have going into dating, says Dr. Kirschner. "That kind of thinking can tank your mood—and cause you to limit your chances of getting out there and finding love." By forcing yourself to keep your negative thoughts in check, you'll soon be in the habit of thinking optimistically, which will in turn make you more ready to date again. A divorcée may also feel that there's something "wrong" with her since her marriage fell apart, says Dr. Kirschner. If that's the case, start training yourself now to recognize self-sabotaging thoughts, and when self-doubts start to pop up, "visualize a giant red stop sign, or a voice yelling, 'Stop!'" says Dr. Kirschner.
基施納博士說道，雖然由於痛苦的離婚而受傷的女性會說“所有的男人都是混蛋”“好男人都被別人挑走了”之類的話，但很明顯，約會時帶着這種心態並不是好事。“那種想法會破壞你的心情——從而導致你從失敗的婚姻中走出來並找到真愛的機率降低。”強迫自己不去想那些消極的想法，很快你就會發現自己養成了積極思考的習慣，反過來這也會讓你做好準備，接受新的戀情。由於婚姻破裂，離婚女性可能會覺得自己“有問題”，基施納博士說道。如果是這種情況，那就從現在開始訓練自己正視這些自毀的想法，每當自我懷疑之際，就“想象眼前出現了一個巨大的紅色停止標誌，或是聽到有人在大喊‘停！’” 基施納博士說道。
