美國社會學家給大學畢業生的忠告

又到畢業季了，即將踏上社會的青年們，下一步該做什麼呢？下面是兩位美國社會學家壓箱底的建議，關於愛，家庭，友誼和生命的意義，希望你能找到答案。

1. Don't worry about making your dreams come true

College graduates are often told: "follow your passion," do "what you love," what you were "meant to do," or "make your dreams come true." Two-thirds think they're going find a job that allows them to change the world, half within five years. Yikes.

This sets young people up to fail. The truth is that the vast majority of us will not be employed in a job that is both our lifelong passion and a world-changer; that's just not the way our global economy is. So it's ok to set your sights just a tad below occupational ecstasy. Just find a job that you like. Use that job to help you have a full life with lots of good things and pleasure and helping others and stuff. A great life is pretty good, even if it's not perfect.

2. Make friends

Americans put far too much emphasis on finding Mr. or Ms. Right and getting married. We think this will bring us happiness. In fact, however, both psychological well-being and health are more strongly related to friendship. If you have good friends, you'll be less likely to get the common cold, less likely to die from cancer, recover better from the loss of a spouse, and keep your mental acuity as you age. You'll also feel more capable of facing life's challenges, be less likely to feed depressed or commit suicide, and be happier in old age. Having happy friends increases your chance of being happy as much as an extra $145,500 a year does. So, make friends!

3. Don't worry about being single

Single people, especially women, are stigmatized in our society: we're all familiar with the image of a sad, lonely woman eating ice cream with her cats in her pajamas on Saturday night. But about 45 percent of US adults aren't married and around one in seven lives alone.

This might be you. Research shows that young people's expectations about their marital status (e.g., the desire to be married by 30 and have kids by 32) have little or no Relationship to what actually happens to people. So, go with the flow.

And, if you're single, you're in good company. Single people spend more time with friends, volunteer more, and are more involved in their communities than married people. Never-married and divorced women are happier, on average, than married women. So, don't buy into the myth of the miserable singleton.

4. Don't take your ideas about gender and marriage too seriously

If you do get married, keep going with the flow. Relationship satisfaction, financial security, and happy kids are more strongly related to flexibility in the face of life's challenges than any particular way of organizing families. The most functional families are ones that can bend. So partnering with someone who thinks that one partner should support their families and the other should take responsibility for the house and children is a recipe for disaster. So is being equally rigid about non-traditional divisions of labor. It's okay to have ideas about how to organize your family but your best bet for happiness is to be flexible.

5. Think hard about whether to buy a house

Our current image of the American Dream revolves around homeownership, and buying a home is often taken for granted as a stage on the path to full-fledge adulthood. But the ideal of universal home ownership was born in the 1950s. It's a rather new idea.

With such a short history, it's funny that people often insist that buying a house is a fool-proof investment and the best way to secure retirement. In fact, buying a house may not be the best choice for you. The mortgage may be less than rent, but there are also taxes, insurance, and the increasingly common Home Owners Association (HOA) fees. You may someday sell the house for more than you bought it but, if you paid interest on a mortgage, you also paid far more than the sale price. You have freedom from a landlord, but may discover your HOA is just as controlling, or worse. And then there's the headache: renting relieves you from the stress of being responsible for repairs. It also offers a freedom of movement that you might cherish.

So, think carefully about whether buying or renting is a better fit for your finances, lifestyle, and future goals.

6. Think even harder about having kids

One father had this to say about children: "They're a huge source of joy, but they turn every other source of joy to shit." In fact, having children correlates with both an increased sense of purpose in life and a long-lasting decrease in individual and marital happiness. Having kids means spending a lot of your short life and limited income on one source of joy. You have only so much time and money and there are lots of ways to find satisfaction, pleasure, and meaning in this life. Consider all your options.1. 追隨夢想，不要心慌

大學畢業生們常常會聽到，“追隨夢想”，“做你喜歡做的事”，“讓你的夢想成真”。每當這時，2/3的青年就像是打了雞血一樣，時刻準備找到工作，改變世界，不過大概其中只有一半在5年後才能做到。

這些鼓勵的話常常讓大家越來越感到挫敗。事實是這樣：我們中的大多數都不能找到一個這樣的工作，既能和自己興趣相投，也可以改變世界。這不怪我們，經濟大環境就那樣。所以，還是不要太張狂，能老老實實找一個比較喜歡的工作就好啦。讓這個工作充實你的生活，並且樂於幫助他人。偉大的人生在於善良，無所謂完美。

2. 交結朋友

美國人過於注重談戀愛，找到理想的另一半，然後步入婚姻殿堂。我們認爲婚姻會給自己帶來幸福。事實上，心理和身體的健康都和友誼有着極大關聯。如果你有很多好朋友，那麼你患感冒和死於癌症的機率都會降低，也會更好地從失去配偶的傷痛中恢復過來，而且智力衰退將更慢。面對人生的坎坷，你會更有信心，抑鬱和自殺的機率也會降低，老年生活更幸福。擁有快樂的朋友們會增加你的幸福感，這幸福感相當於你每年可以多掙145500美元的快感。所以，多交朋友。

3. 還是單身？不用擔心

單身人士、尤其是單身女性更容易遭到社會的非議：我們都很熟悉一個場景，週六晚上，裹着睡袍的女子只有貓咪陪在身邊，一臉抑鬱地嚼着冰淇淋。但實際上，美國有45%成年人處於未婚狀態，而且其中有1/7獨自生活。

也許你也是其中一個。研究表明，年輕人對他們的婚姻規劃通常如下：30歲之前結婚，32歲之前要孩子。但往往事與願違。所以，就那樣吧。

如果是單身，你可能會有更多小夥伴陪。單身可以有更多時間和朋友們呆在一起，更願意幫助他人，更容易融入各種圈子。平均來講，從沒結婚，或者離婚的女性更加幸福。所以，不要爲還是單身鬱鬱寡歡。

4. 不要太在意婚姻中的男女地位

如果已婚，要順其自然學會變通。比起特定的組織家庭的方式，善於應變是夫妻和睦、收入穩定、孩子快樂的法寶。最團結的家庭是懂得變通的家庭。不要規定誰必須養家，誰必須打理家務，照看孩子，這對婚姻的傷害很大，不要被傳統觀念束縛。對家庭分工有想法不是件壞事，但爲家庭整體幸福着想，還是應該靈活變通一些。

5. 買房？三思而後行

擁有自己的房子成爲了如今“美國夢”的一部分，也被視作完全成人的一個標誌。不過，擁有房產這件事從20世紀50年代纔開始有，所以還不太成熟喔。

人們通常認爲買房可以保障退休生活，這簡直傻到家。事實上買房對你來說也許不是最佳選擇。按揭可能比租金便宜，但不要忘了還有稅費，保險費和“房產持有費”。可能有天你賣個好價錢，比買價高，不過算上按揭利息和稅費也是虧了。你可以免受房東的氣，但將發現你的“房產持有費”更讓你喘不過氣來。此外，還有個讓人頭疼的事情：租房可以讓你免於維修的責任和壓力，但買房卻不能。租房還能讓你自由來去。

所以，買房還是租房，先看看自己腰包、生活習慣和長遠打算再說。

6.要孩子？三思再三思而後行

曾有一個父親這樣說到：“曾經我有很多樂子，但現在他們是我唯一的樂子，其它的就別提了。”確實，要孩子就意味着更多的責任，以及更少的單獨空間和婚姻生活；也意味着把你有限的生命和有限的收入押在了唯一的樂子上。你可以用這些時間找到很多滿足，找到生命的其它意義。所有，還是先看看自己目前的狀況再做決定。