經典科幻文學:《 再見 多謝你們的魚》第20章3

I like them. Laden with all these new possessions, I go and sit at a table. And don’t ask me what the table was like because this was some time ago and I can’t remember. It was probably round.
All right.
So let me give you the layout. Me sitting at the table. On my left, the newspaper. On my right, the cup of coffee. In the middle of the table, the packet of biscuits.
I see it perfectly.
What you don’t see, said Arthur, because I haven’t mentioned him yet, is the guy sitting at the table already. He is sitting there opposite me.
What’s he like?
Perfectly ordinary. Briefcase. Business suit. He didn’t look, said Arthur, as if he was about to do anything weird.
Ah. I know the type. What did he do?
He did this. He leaned across the table, picked up the packet of biscuits, tore it open, took one out, and…
What?
Ate it.
What?
He ate it.
Fenchurch looked at him in astonishment. What on Earth did you do?
Well, in the circumstances I did what any red-blooded Englishman would do. I was compelled, said Arthur, to ignore it.
What? Why?
Well, it’s not the sort of thing you’re trained for is it? I searched my soul, and discovered that there was nothing anywhere in my upbringing, experience or even primal instincts to tell me how to react to someone who has quite simply, calmly, sitting right there in front of me, stolen one of my biscuits.
Well, you could… Fenchurch thought about it. I must say I’m not sure what I would have done either. So what happened?
I stared furiously at the crossword, said Arthur. Couldn’t do a single clue, took a sip of coffee, it was too hot to drink, so there was nothing for it. I braced myself. I took a biscuit, trying very hard not to notice, he added, that the packet was already mysteriously open…
But you’re fighting back, taking a tough line.
After my fashion, yes. I ate the biscuit. I ate it very deliberately and visibly, so that he would have no doubt as to what it was I was doing. When I eat a biscuit, Arthur said, it stays eaten.
So what did he do?
Took another one. Honestly, insisted Arthur, this is exactly what happened. He took another biscuit, he ate it. Clear as daylight. Certain as we are sitting on the ground.
Fenchurch stirred uncomfortably.
And the problem was, said Arthur, that having not said anything the first time, it was somehow even more difficult to broach the subject the second time around. What do you say? “Excuse me… I couldn’t help noticing, er…” Doesn’t work. No, I ignored it with, if anything, even more vigour than previously.
My man…

“我喜歡那種餅乾。總之我抱着那堆新買的東西，我在一張桌子旁邊坐下。不要再問我桌子是什麼樣的了因爲這是有一陣子之前的事兒了我記不太清楚。那張桌子可能是圓的。”
“好吧。”
“那麼讓我給你個大致佈局。我，坐在桌子旁。我的左邊，是報紙。我的右邊，是那杯咖啡。在桌子的中間，是那包餅乾。”
“我看的很清楚了。”
“你還看不見的那個人，”阿瑟說，“——因爲我剛纔沒提到他——就是那個已經坐在桌旁的傢伙。他就坐在我的對面。”
“他長啥樣？”
“極度的普通。公事包。西裝。他看上去根本不像，”阿瑟說，“要去做什麼怪事兒的人。”
“啊，我知道這種人。他做了啥？”
“他做了這些：他湊過身來，拿起了那包餅乾，把它撕開，拿出一塊，然後……”
“然後怎麼了？”
“吃了。”
“啥？”
“他吃了那塊餅乾。”
芬琪詩驚訝地看着他。“天啊那你到底做了啥？”
“怎麼說呢，在那種情境之下我做了任何一名熱血英國人都會做的事。我被迫，”阿瑟說，“無視它。”
“什麼？爲什麼？”
“好吧，這不是那種你被培養出來面對的事兒，是不？我探尋我的靈魂，發現我的教養、經歷甚至最初本能中，哪兒都沒有東西能告訴我面對一個就坐在我前面的人如此簡單、鎮定地偷我的餅乾該如何反應”
“好吧，你可以……”芬琪詩考慮着。“我得說，其實我也不知道自己當時會幹什麼。那麼發生了啥？”
“我冒着怒火的雙眼盯着填字遊戲，”阿瑟說。“根本就想不出一點頭緒，嘬了一口咖啡，又太燙了，所以我沒別的可幹。我就振作起來。我拿了塊餅乾，竭力不使自己注意到，”他補充說，“那個包裝早已神祕地被拆開了。”
“但你反擊了，採取了‘強硬姿態’。”
“勉勉強強算是吧。我吃了那塊餅乾。我故意吃得非常明顯，好讓他不會懷疑我在做什麼。當我吃了一塊餅乾，”阿瑟說，“那餅乾就被吃了。”
“那麼他做了什麼？”
“又拿了一塊餅乾。說實在的，”阿瑟堅持道，“這就是真正發生的事兒。他又拿了一塊餅乾，他吃了它。就像青天白日一樣清楚。就像我們坐在大地上一樣明確。”
芬琪詩不舒服地扭動着。
“而問題是，”阿瑟說，“一旦一開始沒有談這個問題，不知怎的你後面就很難再開口了。你該說啥？‘對不起……我不禁注意到……呃……’沒用的。不，我無視掉這一切，甚至可以說比先前運用了更多的精力。”
“我親愛的……”