Space-lag, he said, is very bad for sub-clauses. You’ll have to assist me again, he continued, by reminding me what I was talking about. “Between the stars,” said Arthur, “known on your world, though not necessarily to you, dear lady, as…” “Pleiades Epsilon and Pleiades Zeta,” concluded Ford triumphantly. This conversation lark is quite gas isn’t it? Have some coffee. Thank you, no. “And the reason,” I said, “why I am bothering you with it rather than just dialling direct as I could, because we have some pretty sophisticated telecommunications equipment out here in the Pleiades, I can tell you, is that the penny pinching son of a starbeast piloting this son of a starbeast spaceship insists that I call collect. Can you believe that?” And could she? I don’t know. She had hung up, said Ford, by this time. So! What do you suppose, he asked fiercely, I did next? I’ve no idea, Ford, said Arthur. Pity, said Ford, I was hoping you could remind me. I really hate those guys you know. They really are the creeps of the cosmos, buzzing around the celestial infinite with their junky little machines that never work properly or, when they do, perform functions that no sane man would require of them and, he added savagely, go beep to tell you when they’ve done it! This was perfectly true, and a very respectable view widely held by right thinking people, who are largely recognizable as being right thinking people by the mere fact that they hold this view. The Hitch Hiker’s Guide to the Galaxy, in a moment of reasoned lucidity which is almost unique among its current tally of five million, nine hundred and seventy-five thousand, five hundred and nine pages, says of the Sirius Cybernetics Corporation product that “it is very easy to be blinded to the essential uselessness of them by the sense of achievement you get from getting them to work at all”. In other words and this is the rock solid principle on which the whole of the Corporation’s Galaxy-wide success is founded their fundamental design flaws are completely hidden by their superficial design flaws. And this guy, ranted Ford, was on a drive to sell more of them! His five-year mission to seek out and explore strange new worlds, and sell Advanced Music Substitute Systems to their restaurants, elevators and wine bars! Or if they didn’t have restaurants, elevators and wine bars yet, to artificially accelerate their civilization growth until they bloody well did have! Where’s that coffee! I threw it away. Make some more. I have now remembered what I did next. I saved civilization as we know it. I knew it was something like that. He stumbled determinedly back into the sitting room, where he seemed to carry on talking to himself, tripping over the furniture and making beep beep noises. A couple of minutes later, wearing his very placid face, Arthur followed him. Ford looked stunned.padding-bottom: 56.25%;"> “空間差，”他說，“對二級條款非常不好。你得再幫幫我，”他接着說，“提醒下我剛纔說到哪兒了？” “對你們的世界已知的，”阿瑟說，“兩顆星球之間飛行，不過並不一定飛向你，親愛的女士，由於……” “昴宿五和昴宿六，”福特得意洋洋地總結說，“這樣耍嘴皮子很好玩是吧？” “喝點咖啡。” “謝謝，我不喝。‘至於爲什麼，’我說，‘我要麻煩你而不是直接打給他，你知道在昴宿星團我們有些相當不錯的精密電訊設備，我可以告訴你，是因爲那個這艘星際野獸養(罵人的話，作用類似於我們說的其他‘××養的’)的飛船的星際野獸養的鐵公雞飛行員堅持要我打對方付費電話。你能相信有這種事嗎？” “她能相信嗎？” “我不知道，她把電話掛了，”福特說，“立刻掛了。好了！你覺得，”他惡狠狠地問，“隨後我做什麼了？” “我不知道，福特。”阿瑟說。 “太可惜了，”福特說，“我還希望你能提醒我呢。你知道我真恨死那些傢伙了。他們就是宇宙中的爬蟲，在無限的空間裏面哼哼着到處晃，他們的破爛機器從來不能正常運作，要不就是正常運作的時候，運行一些任何正常人都不會要求它們搞出來的功能，而且，”他粗魯地補充說，“在這麼做了以後還嗶嗶叫着告訴你。” 這絕對是事實，而且是思維正常的人們廣泛持有的一種非常正派的觀點，這些人被看作是思維正常的人，主要是因爲他們持有這種觀點。 《銀河系漫遊指南》在它五百九十七萬五千五百零九頁的內容中幾乎唯一理性而清醒的條目中是這麼說天狼星機器人公司產品的：“你讓它們動起來的成就感很容易讓你忘了它們實際上的毫無用處。” 換句話說，——這家公司在全銀河系獲得的成功就建立在這樣一條堅如磐石的原則之上——產品根本的設計缺陷被徹底地遮蔽在表面的設計缺陷之後。 “而且這個傢伙，”福特怒氣衝衝地說，“還準備出售更多這些東西！他有個五年期的任務，是尋找並且探索陌生的新世界，並且向這些世界的餐館、電梯和酒吧出售高級音樂替代系統！如果這些地方還沒有餐館、電梯和酒吧，那就推動他們文化的發展好讓他們建起來，然後再賣給他們！咖啡呢？” “我倒了。” “再衝點。我現在想起來隨後我做什麼了。就像我們瞭解的那樣，我拯救了文明。我知道就是這類事情。” 他又堅決地跌跌撞撞走回客廳，看起來在那兒一個勁自言自語，在傢俱上絆倒，並且發出嗶嗶的聲音。 幾分鐘之後，阿瑟面色非常鎮定地來到他面前。 福特看起來嚇了一跳。
