諾貝爾文學經典:《寵兒》第6章Part 4

Sethe moaned. The girl's fingers were so cool and knowing. Sethe's knotted, private, walk-onwaterlife gave in a bit, softened, and it seemed that the glimpse of happiness she caught in theshadows swinging hands on the road to the carnival was a likelihood — if she could just managethe news Paul D brought and the news he kept to himself. Just manage it. Not break, fall or cryeach time a hateful picture drifted in front of her face. Not develop some permanent craziness likeBaby Suggs' friend, a young woman in a bonnet whose food was full of tears. Like Aunt Phyllis,who slept with her eyes wide open. Like Jackson Till, who slept under the bed. All she wanted wasto go on. As she had. Alone with her daughter in a haunted house she managed every damn thing.
Why now, with Paul D instead of the ghost, was she breaking up? getting scared? needing Baby?
The worst was over, wasn't it? She had already got through, hadn't she? With the ghost in 124 shecould bear, do, solve anything. Now a hint of what had happened to Halie and she cut out like arabbit looking for its mother.
Beloved's fingers were heavenly. Under them and breathing evenly again, the anguish rolled down.
The peace Sethe had come there to find crept into her.
We must look a sight, she thought, and closed her eyes to see it: the three women in the middle ofthe Clearing, at the base of the rock where Baby Suggs, holy, had loved. One seated, yielding upher throat to the kind hands of one of the two kneeling before her. Denver watched the faces of theother two. Beloved watched the work her thumbs were doing and must have loved what she sawbecause she leaned over and kissed the tenderness under Sethe's chin.

塞絲呻吟着。這姑娘的手指如此清涼，如此體貼。塞絲盤根錯節、祕不示人、如履薄冰的一生稍稍退讓了一些，柔和了一些；看樣子，她在去狂歡節的路上從攜手的影子中找到的一線幸福是可能的——只要她能對付保羅·D帶給她的和保留給自己的那些消息。只要她能對付。而不是每見到一幅可恨的畫面漂到她面前，就垮掉、倒下，或者哭泣。不是像貝比·薩格斯的朋友，那個以淚泡飯的戴軟帽的年輕姑娘那樣，表現出一種持久的瘋狂。像菲莉絲大媽那樣，瞪圓了眼睛睡覺。像傑克遜·梯爾那樣，在牀底下睡覺。她只想活下去，像她過去那樣。獨自和女兒待在鬧鬼的房子裏，所有該死的事情都由她來頂着。
爲什麼這時候，保羅·D替代了那個鬼魂以後，她卻垮了？害怕了？需要貝比了？
最糟糕的已經過去了，不是嗎？她已經挺過來了，不是嗎？小鬼魂統治124號的時候她還能忍受，能做事，能解決一切問題。如今，有了一點關於黑爾如何如何的線索，她反倒像一隻尋找媽媽的兔子一樣六神無主了。
寵兒的手指太美妙了。在它們的撫慰下，塞絲再次均勻地呼吸，痛苦平息了。
塞絲來這裏尋找的安寧悄悄潛入了她的內心。
我們肯定是個奇觀，她想道，於是又閉上眼睛去看：三個女人，在"林間空地"中央，在聖貝比·薩格斯熱愛的石頭腳下。一個坐着，其餘兩個跪在她面前，她把脖子伸向其中一個人親切的雙手。丹芙盯着另外兩個人的臉。寵兒則看着自己拇指的動作，而且肯定愛着她眼前的這個人，因爲她探出身去吻了塞絲下巴下面的柔軟部分。