像奶奶那樣去愛

My dear grandmother
我親愛的曾祖母
passed away almost 18 years ago
去世已經約莫18年了
but I still miss her
但我仍然想念她
every single day.
每一天都如此
She was such an important part of my life.
她在我的生活中佔據着十分重要的地位
My Mom, Dad, brothers and I
我和哥哥們，爸爸媽媽
lived in her old house
一直住在她的老房子裏
for most of my childhood.
幾乎貫穿我整個童年
And when I close my eyes
每當我閉上眼睛
and open my heart
敞開心扉
that is how I remember her.
就會記起她
I can still see her
她似乎仍在我眼前
in her flower print, cotton dress
穿着印花的棉質連衣裙
with a flour dusted apron tied over it.
外面繫着一條沾滿面粉的圍裙
I can see
我仍能看到
her smiling face
她微笑的臉龐
with her wispy hair all askew
一綹綹頭髮無不凌亂
and her big glasses sliding down her nose.
一副大眼鏡從鼻樑上滑下來
I can hear
我還能聽到
her high pitched voice say,
她尖着嗓子叫
"HELLO"
“你好呀”
as I opened the door after school
當我放學回家，打開門的時候
while her arms opened
那時，她張開雙臂
to give me a big hug and kiss.
給我一個大大的擁抱，一個甜甜的吻
I can even remember
我還能記得
how she smelled.
她身上的氣息
It was a curious combination
那是許多氣味的混合，十分有意思
of cold cream, Ben Gay,
裏面有雪花膏的味道，藥膏的味道
garlic, and tomato sauce.
大蒜的味道，還有番茄醬的味道
And when she hugged me
當她擁抱我的時候
I could feel the love and joy
我能感受到她的愛和愉悅
coming from her heart into mine.
從她的心傳遞到我的心
I thought I knew everything about my "Nana"
我以爲自己知道關於外婆的一切
but amazingly
然而，令我驚歎的是
I am still learning more about her
我還能不停的得知新的關於她的事情
even today.
甚至就在今天也是如此
Just yesterday
就在昨天
an old family friend
我們家的一個老朋友
stopped to talk to me at the local post office.
看到我在郵局裏，特意停腳來跟我打招呼
She told me
她告訴我
of what happened once while she visited my Nana
從前有一次她去拜訪我奶奶的時候發生的事情
when I was still a little boy.
那時我還是個小男孩
They were sitting around the dining room table
她們圍坐在餐廳桌旁 talking相談甚歡
and our friend noticed the lovely earrings
這位朋友注意到了一對可愛的耳環
my Nana was wearing.
帶在奶奶的耳朵上
She told Nana
她告訴奶奶
about how much she liked them
自己多麼喜歡這對耳環
and asked
並且問
if possibly
如果可能的話
she could leave them to her in her will.
對方是否願意在遺囑裏寫上，把它們轉贈給她
Without a second thought
沒有半刻的遲疑
my sweet Nana took them off
我善良的奶奶摘下耳環
and gave them to her on the spot.
當場就將它們交給了她
After our friend left
這位朋友離開之後
I stood there
我站在原地
for a few minutes
好幾分鐘
in amazement.
仍然震驚不已
I had never known this
我從未聽說過這件事
and as far as I could tell
而且就我所知
Nana never mentioned it to anyone.
奶奶從未對任何人說起這件事
That was just like her.
這就是奶奶的風格
She may have been feisty and temperamental
或許她曾經有些強勢，有些容易激動
at times
但那只是偶爾
but
然而
she loved deeply
她卻愛得深沉
and she gave freely.
並且慷慨的傾其所有
I have decided then
那時我便決定
that I want to love like Nana loved.
我想要像奶奶愛別人那樣去愛
I want to give like Nana gave.
我想要像奶奶付出那樣傾我所有
I want to live like Nana lived.
我想要像奶奶過去那樣去生活
I want to care more about people
我想要更多的關心他人
and less about things.
更少的關心物質
I want to let my heart
我想要讓自己的心
rather than my fear guide me.
而不是我的恐懼引領我
I want to share my love
我想要傳播自己的愛
freely and joyfully.
自由而歡喜的
I want to give
我想要付出
and to live
想要生活
in such a way that sings and smiles.
想要生活中有歌聲與微笑
May you do the same.
希望你亦能如此