讓你初次約會取得完勝的十大關鍵(下)
k you. Baggage at the Door
5.出門前整理好你的思緒A first date is a time for starting anew. That means that you should check your baggage at the door and avoid talking about your past relationships. Everyone has a past that is filled with regret, heartache, anger, and plenty of "what-ifs". However, there is a reason that you are on a date with someone new, and unless you want to repeat your old patterns, you need to start with a clean slate.
第一次約會是一個全新的開始。那意味着你應該在家裏就理清頭緒，避免談論你過去的戀愛經歷。每一個人都有着遺憾、心痛、憤怒以及大量"假設"的過去。然而，總有一個原因讓你願意和某個人開始約會，除非你想重複過去，否則你就需要從一張白紙開始。
Don't go into your date harboring assumptions based on past relationships. In your past, you may have dated needy people, or controlling people, or people who refuse to grow up, or people who run from commitment. It's important to understand that these characteristics are not indicative of the opposite sex as a whole. If you are harboring any pre-conceived notions of the opposite sex then try your best to let them go. Greet the person sitting across from you at your first date with open eyes, open ears and an open heart. Don't let your pre-conceived notions sabotage what could potentially be a great relationship. Most importantly, when on a first date, do not spend time talking about your ex. We repeat: do not talk about your ex. There is no quicker way to derail a date than by talking about your past relationships. Particularly if you are still hung up on certain aspects of that relationship, you will begin over-sharing before you know it. Your date may begin to see you as bitter and filled with resentment, neither of which are endearing qualities in a person. Worse yet, your date may believe that you are still in love with your ex and be left wondering why you came on a date with them in the first place.
不要因爲你曾經失敗的戀情而對新的戀情產生懷疑並提出諸多假設。曾經的你，也許和貧困的人、控制慾強的人、拒絕長大的人或者是逃避承諾的人約會過。重要的是你要知道，那些性格特點並不能代表所有的異性。如果因過去的戀情而在內心對新人有諸多想法，勸你還是儘早擺脫這些不靠譜的預想。初次約會，敞開心扉，與對方真誠交流。不要讓你預想的假設破壞了一段有可能開花結果的戀情。最重要的一點，切記首次約會不要花時間談論你的前任。沒有一種方式能比談論你的前任更快地毀掉一次約會的了。特別是那段戀愛中的某些星星點點仍讓你留戀，你將會在你意識到之前，就開始過度地分享那些過去。你的約會對象也許會看出你那充滿苦澀與怨恨的表情，這些特質也不會得到他們的青睞。更糟的是，你的約會對象還可能會相信你仍愛着你的前任，開始不解你爲何與他們擁有第一次約會。
the Future Talk for the Future
4.未來的事情未來再談
While we don't condone reliving you past on a first date, we also strongly advise against planning for your future! Dates should be light and fun, and a first date is definitely not the time to start talking about your future together. Even if deep down both of you actually want the same thing out of a relationship, by stating those intentions too early you will only scare the other person off. It's great if you want to find a soulmate, but don't assume that the person sitting next to you is necessarily him or her just because you happen to have the same taste in music or like the same movies. You need to spend time getting to know each other to understand if you're well-suited to build a life together, and that doesn't magically happen overnight. Take the time to get to know each other slowly, and save the serious stuff for later dates.
如果你第一次約會還在重溫過去，這是無法原諒的。小編同樣也強烈建議不要在第一次約會時就大談未來的規劃。約會應該是輕鬆愉悅的，第一次約會就開始暢想你們的未來絕對不合時宜。即使在戀愛以外，你們內心深處渴望的東西非常契合，但是過早表露意圖只會嚇跑對方。想找到一位靈魂伴侶確實是很棒的想法，但是不要僅僅因爲你們恰好在音樂或者電影上志趣相投，就以爲坐在你旁邊的人一定會成爲未來的那個他/她。你需要花點時間瞭解對方，看看對方是否是適合共度一生的另一半，這個過程不可能在一個約會的夜晚就奇蹟般完成。所以慢慢地深入瞭解彼此，那些嚴肅的事情就留到日後的約會中討論吧。It's perfectly fine to know that you want to have a large family someday, but don't ask your first date how many children they want to have. As the old saying goes, "Don't count your chickens before they hatch." Speaking of chickens, ladies, don't ever mention your eggs on a first date. The absolute quickest way to scare off a man on a first date is by telling him that your biological clock is ticking or that your eggs aren't getting any younger. Please, leave the baby talk out of the conversation. On your first date, do your best to stay present in the moment and focus on the now. If there is a mutual connection between the two of you, then your relationship will progress naturally and you'll know when the right time is to discuss your possible future together. Trust us, the first date is too early to have this discussion.
當然，你日後想組建一個大家庭的想法，這完全ok。但是不要在第一次約會就打聽對方想要幾個孩子。古諺有云，"雞蛋未孵出，先別數小雞"（別高興太早了）。說到小雞，女士們，千萬不要在第一次約會就提到卵子。在第一次約會就嚇跑男人的最快的方法絕對是告訴他，你的生物鐘正滴答滴答地走過或者你的卵子已經不再年輕。拜託，先別討論寶寶的事情了。第一次約會盡量活在當下、着眼於現在吧！如果你們雙方已經來電，那你們的關係就會自然地進展、昇華，你也會知道何時討論你們的未來是最合適的。相信小編，第一次約會就談論這個話題，爲時過早。your Vices (and Devices)
3.藏起你的壞習慣
There are certain things that you should avoid on a first date. First off, avoid drinking too much. If you have a penchant for tequila, avoid the margaritas before you end up tossing back too many. Stick to one or two drinks for the night, because nobody wants to be on a date with a sloppy drunk. A couple of drinks to help you to relax and socialize is okay, but don't drink so much that your inhibitions are lowered.
第一次約會時有些事情應該要避免。首先，不要過度飲酒。如果你愛喝龍舌蘭，那就不要喝瑪格麗塔雞尾酒，不然你最後會醉到搖搖晃晃、步履蹣跚。一個晚上應只喝一種或者兩種酒，因爲沒人想和一個衣衫不整的醉漢約會。少許飲酒可以幫助你身心放鬆、善於社交，但是飲酒量不可以大到突破你的下限。If smoking is a vice, try to curb the habit for the duration of the date. If you must smoke, go to a far-away outdoor location so that you don't make your date uncomfortable, and be sure to have gum or mints on hand. If your vice is constantly checking your e-mail or social media accounts, then be sure to leave your phone in the car. It is extremely rude to be constantly checking your phone on a first date. It makes you distracted and leaves your date feeling unimportant. Even if you're just trying to text your friend to tell them how well the date is going, save it for when you get home. While on a date, you should focus all of your attention on your companion. Keep your phone in your purse or in your pocket, and if the temptation is still too much, keep it at home or in the car.
如果抽菸也是一種壞習慣，努力在約會的時候剋制自己。必須抽的話，可以去較遠的戶外，這樣你纔不會使約會對象感到不舒服。並且務必隨身攜帶口香糖或薄荷。如果你的壞毛病是不斷查郵箱或者刷微博微信什麼的，務必將手機留在車裏。第一次約會就不斷刷手機是極度不禮貌的行爲。因爲你會分心，約會對象會覺得自己沒有受到重視。即使其實你只是想發短信給朋友告訴他們約會一切順利，也留到回家以後再彙報吧！在約會的時候，你應該將注意力集中在約會對象身上。將手機留在錢包或者口袋裏，刷手機的慾望太強的話，就留家裏或者車裏吧。Your Best Self
2.做最好的自己
The most important tip for any first date is to be yourself. Authenticity is the most important thing you can offer if you want to truly allow someone to get to know you. How else will you know if you are a good match with someone unless you are truthful and genuine about who you are?
初次約會，最重要的莫過於做好自己，因爲讓別人瞭解你的最佳方式就是展現你的真誠。想知道你跟對方是否郎才女貌，除卻展現真誠與坦率該是別無他法了吧？While it's important to be yourself on a first date, you should strive to be the best version of yourself. Humans are complex and we experience many different emotions at the same time. It's up to you on a first date to put your best foot forward and let your positive emotions shine through. Dates are meant to be fun, spontaneous and playful. They are not meant to be filled with drama and complaints, so regardless of how bad your day or week has been, don't let it show. Don't arrive at a date worried, tired, serious, sad or apathetic. Instead, find your inner happiness and peacefulness and exude confidence. Be your most charming self, and your date will look forward to spending more time with you.
第一次約會相當重要，你更應該努力呈現自己最好的一面。人類思想複雜，在同一時間，我們的情緒可能就有明顯的波動。用積極樂觀的情緒去營造一個良好的氛圍，讓初次約會成爲一段美好感情的開端。約會應該在愉快、自然而輕鬆的氛圍中度過，而不是充滿曲折和抱怨的過程，所以無論你在那一天或那一週裏過得有多麼糟糕，千萬別把情緒帶到約會中去。去約會吧，將憂慮、疲憊、悲傷、冷漠和一臉的嚴肅屏蔽掉，尋覓你內心的幸福與安寧，捎帶上滿臉的自信。如果你成功呈現了最迷人的自己，你的約會對象自然會期盼與你共度更多美好的時光。Concrete Plans for a Second Date
1.認真籌劃再次約會
Assuming you've followed the tips laid out above and have enjoyed each other's time together, then you will likely be on track to set up a second date. Don't let an innate fear of rejection stop you from asking for a second date. Don't beat around the bush and try to fish out a response before you actually ask the question. Dropping subtle hints is the least effective way to show someone that you like them. This isn't the fifth grade anymore, and playing hard to get is no longer cute. When asking for a second date, be direct. People have been shown to be more responsive to direct questions, so instead of making tentative plans, say something like, "I've had a really great time with you. Can I take you out again on Friday?" This directness works equally well for women as it does for men, as you can read about in this study at ScienceDirect.
如果你遵循了前面的指南，兩個人也享受彼此在一起的時光，那麼你該爲再次約會做好計劃了。你可千萬別讓擔心被拒絕的恐懼成爲你提出第二次約會邀請的阻礙，而且不要拐彎抹角，也別試圖去猜測她對邀請可能做出的迴應。你可不是五年級學生，再沒有比微妙的暗示更糟糕的表白了，欲擒故縱的方式從來都不可愛，嘗試直截了當地邀請她再次約會吧。《Science Direct》的研究表明無論男女都更願意迴應直截了當的問題而不是試探性的計劃。你應該這麼跟她說：春風十里不如她，週五我們再約嗎？審校：晃晃 編輯：旭旭 來源：前十網
