狄更斯雙語小說:《董貝父子》第46章Part9

As he broke them up and strewed them in the grate, he looked on with a thoughtful smile at what he was doing. 'Without the same queen beckoner too!' he added presently; 'and there is pride there, not to be forgotten - witness our own acquaintance!' With that he fell into a deeper reverie, and sat pondering over the blackening grate, until he rose up like a man who had been absorbed in a book, and looking round him took his hat and gloves, went to where his horse was waiting, mounted, and rode away through the lighted streets, for it was evening.
He rode near Mr Dombey's house; and falling into a walk as he approached it, looked up at the windows The window where he had once seen Florence sitting with her dog attracted his attention first, though there was no light in it; but he smiled as he carried his eyes up the tall front of the house, and seemed to leave that object superciliously behind.
'Time was,' he said, 'when it was well to watch even your rising little star, and know in what quarter there were clouds, to shadow you if needful. But a planet has arisen, and you are lost in its light.'
He turned the white-legged horse round the street corner, and sought one shining window from among those at the back of the house. Associated with it was a certain stately presence, a gloved hand, the remembrance how the feathers of a beautiful bird's wing had been showered down upon the floor, and how the light white down upon a robe had stirred and rustled, as in the rising of a distant storm. These were the things he carried with him as he turned away again, and rode through the darkening and deserted Parks at a quick rate.
In fatal truth, these were associated with a woman, a proud woman, who hated him, but who by slow and sure degrees had been led on by his craft, and her pride and resentment, to endure his company, and little by little to receive him as one who had the privilege to talk to her of her own defiant disregard of her own husband, and her abandonment of high consideration for herself. They were associated with a woman who hated him deeply, and who knew him, and who mistrusted him because she knew him, and because he knew her; but who fed her fierce resentment by suffering him to draw nearer and yet nearer to her every day, in spite of the hate she cherished for him. In spite of it! For that very reason; since in its depths, too far down for her threatening eye to pierce, though she could see into them dimly, lay the dark retaliation, whose faintest shadow seen once and shuddered at, and never seen again, would have been sufficient stain upon her soul.
Did the phantom of such a woman flit about him on his ride; true to the reality, and obvious to him?
Yes. He saw her in his mind, exactly as she was. She bore him company with her pride, resentment, hatred, all as plain to him as her beauty; with nothing plainer to him than her hatred of him. He saw her sometimes haughty and repellent at his side, and some times down among his horse's feet, fallen and in the dust. But he always saw her as she was, without disguise, and watched her on the dangerous way that she was going.
And when his ride was over, and he was newly dressed, and came into the light of her bright room with his bent head, soft voice, and soothing smile, he saw her yet as plainly. He even suspected the mystery of the gloved hand, and held it all the longer in his own for that suspicion. Upon the dangerous way that she was going, he was, still; and not a footprint did she mark upon it, but he set his own there, straight'

當他把它們敲碎、撒在爐篦上的時候，他露出若有所思的微笑，看着自己所幹的事情。”是的，即使沒有王后的引誘也會這樣的！”他立即補充了一句；”有一種高傲是不應當忘記的--它是我們相識的見證人！”說着，他就陷入了更爲出神的沉思，坐在那裏，對着正在暗黑下去的爐篦默想着，隨後像一個人離開專心看着的書本一樣地站了起來，向四周看看，拿了帽子和手套，走到他的馬正在等候他的地方，騎上馬，沿着燈光明亮的街道騎去，因爲這時已是晚上了。
他騎近董貝先生的住宅；快到的時候，他勒住馬，讓馬放慢腳步，一步一步地走着，同時望着上面的窗子。有一次他曾看到弗洛倫斯帶着她的狗坐在裏面的那個窗子首先吸引了他的注意，雖然這時裏面已沒有燈光了；可是當他把眼光投到這座公館高大的正面的時候，他微笑了，似乎目空一切地把那窗子拋在後面。
“過去有一段時候，”他說道，”甚至連您這顆升起的小星也是值得注視的，而且還得知道烏雲聚集在什麼地方，以便在需要的時候好去掩護您。可是現在一顆行星升上來了，在它的光輝中您已經黯然失色了。”
他把白腿的馬轉到街道拐角處，從這座公館背面的許多窗子中尋找一個閃射出亮光的窗子。這個窗子使他聯想起那莊嚴的態度，那戴上手套的手，也使他回想起那隻美麗的鳥兒的翅膀上的羽毛怎樣紛紛落到地板上，長衣上那輕飄飄的白色絨毛怎樣顫抖着，發出沙沙的，就像面臨即將颳起的風暴一樣。當他又轉身離開，以快速的步伐騎過公園的黑暗的、無人的小路的時候，他帶走了這些回憶。
不可避免的事實是，這些回憶都跟一位女人，一位高傲的女人聯繫着；她憎恨他，但是由於他採取了狡猾的手腕，也由於她懷着高傲與怨恨的情緒，她被慢慢地而又確實地引導到習慣於容忍他跟她在一起相處了；她逐漸地習慣於把他當作一位有特殊權利的人來接待，他有權向她談到她對她自己丈夫無禮的輕蔑和她自暴自棄地輕視自己。這些回憶跟一位女人聯繫着；她深切地憎恨他，她瞭解他，並正因爲她瞭解他和因爲他了解她，所以她不信任他；可是儘管她對他懷着憎恨，她卻容許他一天天地接近她，以便激起她強烈的怨恨。儘管她對他懷着憎恨！正是由於這個理由她才容許他一天天地接近她的；因爲在這憎恨的深淵（它太深了，雖然她能模糊地向裏面探視，但卻不是她的威脅性的眼光所能看透的）隱藏着她狠毒的報復，它的最淡弱的影子足以玷污她的靈魂；只要看一次就會令人毛骨悚然，決不會再去看的。
當他騎馬的時候，這女人的幻影，這與真實完全一致、他看得明明白白的幻影，是不是在他的周圍飛翔呢？
是的。他在心中看到她，一如她平時的樣子。她容忍他跟她在一起的時候，在他眼中，她那高傲、怨恨、憎惡的情緒，就像她美麗的容貌一樣清清楚楚。沒有什麼能比她對他的憎恨更爲清楚的了。他有時看到她在他身旁態度傲慢，拒人於千里之外；有時又看到她摔倒在他的馬蹄下，躺在塵土中。但是他總是看到她，就像她平時的樣子，沒有任何掩飾，而且注視着她在向着危險的道路上走去。
當他騎馬遊逛之後，換上衣服，低着頭，露出諂媚的微笑，輕聲柔語地走進她的明亮的房間裏的時候，他同樣清楚地看到她。他甚至對那戴上手套的手的祕密產生了猜疑，正由於這個猜疑，他把它在他手中握得比以前更久一些。他依舊跟隨着她在危險的道路上走去，她所留下的每個腳印，他都把自己的腳緊跟着踩在上面。