諾貝爾文學經典:《寵兒》第12章Part 1

Beloved looked at the tooth and thought, This is it. Next would be her arm, her hand, a toe. Pieces of her would drop maybe one at a time, maybe all at once. Or on one of those mornings beforeDenver woke and after Sethe left she would fly apart. It is difficult keeping her head on her neck,her legs attached to her hips when she is by herself. Among the things she could not remember waswhen she first knew that she could wake up any day and find herself in pieces. She had twodreams: exploding, and being swallowed. When her tooth came out — an odd fragment, last in therow — she thought it was starting.
"Must be a wisdom," said Denver. "Don't it hurt?"
"Yes."
"Then why don't you cry?"
"What?"
"If it hurts, why don't you cry?"
And she did. Sitting there holding a small white tooth in the palm of her smooth smooth hand. Cried the way she wanted to when turtles came out of the water, one behind the other, right afterthe blood-red bird disappeared back into the leaves. The way she wanted to when Sethe went tohim standing in the tub under the stairs. With the tip of her tongue she touched the salt water thatslid to the corner of her mouth and hoped Denver's arm around her shoulders would keep themfrom falling apart.
The couple upstairs, united, didn't hear a sound, but below them, outside, all around 124 the snowwent on and on and on. Piling itself, burying itself. Higher. Deeper.

寵兒看着牙，心想：終於來了。下一回該是她的一隻胳膊、一隻手、一個腳指頭了。她身上的零件也許會一點一點地，也許一股腦全掉下去。或者哪一天早晨，在丹芙醒來之前、塞絲上班之後，她會四分五裂。她獨自一人的時候，很難讓腦袋待在脖子上，腿安在屁股上。在她記不得的事情中有這麼一件：她第一次得知她會在哪天醒來，發現自己已成爲一堆碎片。她做過兩個夢：一次是自己爆炸，一次是被吞噬。當她的牙脫落的時候——一塊多餘的碎片，一排中最後的那顆——她認爲毀滅已經開始了。
"肯定是顆智齒，"丹芙道，"不疼麼？"
"疼。"
"那你怎麼不哭？"
"什麼？"
"疼的話，你怎麼不哭？"
於是她哭了。坐在那裏，用非常非常光潔的手掌攥着一顆小白牙，哭了起來。就像那回，她看見血紅的小鳥消失在樹葉間，然後烏龜一個跟着一個從水裏爬出來的時候想做的那樣。就像那回，她看見他站在樓梯下的澡盆裏，而塞絲走向他的時候想做的那樣。她用舌頭舔了舔滑到嘴角的鹹淚，希望丹芙摟住她雙肩的胳膊能避免它們四分五裂。
樓上的那一對結合着，什麼也沒聽見，然而在他們下面、外面，124號的四周，雪下了又下，下了又下。堆積着自己，埋葬着自己。越來越高。越來越深。